DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Not long after my girlfriend, Claire, moved in, I was reassigned to one of my company’s offices that is an hour (without traffic) away from our home. This means I am up and out the door by 5:30-6:00 every morning, and if we have a late meeting or a client call I sometimes don’t get home before 7-7:30 p.m., in time for dinner, a workout or run, and then it’s nearly time to get to bed so I can repeat the whole thing all over again. By Friday night, I’m exhausted and have to drag myself out if Claire has made plans for us and my fatigue rolls into the weekend and I am in no condition to keep up with a social life.
It is easier for Claire to have the extra energy with a much shorter commute than I live with, and I can see this new work schedule for me is getting to Claire as well as it is to me.
I need and like this job, and the move to the other office was a great opportunity for me to move up. My boss has talked to me about moving closer to the office, but Claire also has a career she is building where we live now. Neither of us can telework, so what are we supposed to do to keep both our relationship and our careers on track? --- BEAT COMMUTER
DEAR BEAT COMMUTER: As a former commuter, I certainly appreciate your frustration.
One suggestion I’d make is to look at your usual afterwork schedule and decide if there’s at least one night during the week when you’d be willing to swap your workout for a date night with Claire.
It doesn’t have to be anything too demanding or elaborate. Consider something as easy as getting in some takeout and curling up on the couch to share what your respective days have been like and simply enjoy each other’s company.
Having just one night off during the week to catch your breath and devote to each other could lead to a stronger bond with Claire and result in your being less exhausted by the weekend.
Sometimes even apparently small efforts yield big rewards.