Dear Abby

DEAR READERS: Because today is Christmas and a celebration of faith for so many, I am devoting today's column to "Pennies From Heaven," a subject my readers have taken to heart.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: I have twin sisters who are a few years younger than I. Our mom usually baked them a double-heart birthday cake, since they were born the day after Valentine's Day.

Mom passed away suddenly in 1993. There was no warning. Of course, the three of us were devastated. It took a long time to get over the shock and pain.

This year we got together on the twins' 55th birthday. After opening the gifts that I got them, my sister Marilyn tried on the black fleece jacket. She put her hands in the pockets to model it and felt something. Removing her hands from the pockets she asked, "Sue, did you put these in here?" In each hand she held a penny, dated 1993!

That's our "pennies from heaven" story -- strange, but true. We feel these pennies were from Mom, letting us know that she was with us on her twin daughters' birthday. -- SUE REICH, KANSAS CITY, KAN.

DEAR SUE: Perhaps your mother was putting in her 2 cents' worth on that happy occasion.

DEAR ABBY: Back in 1936 or 1937, I was living at home and driving a junky old car. One day I casually mentioned to my mother that I needed to give the steering wheel a good cleaning.

She went out and cleaned it, and as a joke I paid her a penny for it.

After she passed away and went to heaven, we discovered that she had wrapped the penny in a little piece of paper upon which she had scribbled, "The penny Carl gave me for washing the steering wheel of his car. Signed, Minnie Blaich." (I'm enclosing a photocopy.)

I had the nicest parents, and have a wife who is just as nice. We were married on my birthday, Oct. 8, 1939. We now we have been married for 62 years.

I hope you enjoyed my penny story. -- CARL BLAICH, ZEPHYRHILLS, FLA.

P.S. I'm still kickin' -- but I'm not making much dust.

DEAR CARL: Your penny story touched my heart. Obviously, your dear mother treasured the memory of that event, which is why the penny meant so much to her. I'll bet she wouldn't have parted with that penny for any amount of money.

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter was 10 years old (she's 14 now), we sent cupcakes to school on her birthday. Later that evening, I asked her how school went that day. "Oh, Mom," she said, "it was the best day I ever had at school." I smiled, and she continued: "Except for the shooting." Terror struck at my heart and my smile froze into fear.

Apparently, some idiot across the street from her school had shot his gun into the air while the kids were playing in the school yard. The playground supervisor immediately ordered the children to drop to the ground, and the police were called.

My little girl went on with her day: "But I got to pick out a prize from the 'good behavior box' -- and this is for you." She handed me a bookmark about guardian angels, attached to which was a penny with an angel cut into its center. It is priceless to me. To this day, I carry it on my key chain and say a little prayer for her safety when I'm reminded of its meaning. -- SHARON IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR SHARON: If anyone ever says, "A penny for your thoughts," share your story with him or her. It's an important reminder of how precious life is.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 29 years old and have been reading your column since I was 10. Becoming a high school teacher was always my dream. I graduated from college with a degree, but not in secondary education. I needed to begin working full time to support myself, so I never considered going back to school to certify.

Because I admire the field of education, I offer this tiny contribution for teachers everywhere:

TEACHER-PARENT AGREEMENT

I will teach your child to read -- if you teach your child to have an open mind.

I will show your child how to solve a math question -- if you show your child how to solve his/her problems.

I will tell your child about war and its aftermath -- if you tell your child to treat others with equality.

I will introduce your child to Shakespeare -- if you introduce your child to others he/she may not now understand, but will come to respect.

I will point out the many places on the globe -- if you point out that the world is open to him/her.

I will explain the stars and planets -- if you explain how your child can surpass them.

I am able to teach your child some things, but TOGETHER we can teach your child everything and help your child to grow. -- VERONICA M. DE CRESCIO, CROYDON, PA.

DEAR VERONICA: Something I've learned over the years is that when people feel they have a calling, they should follow it.

It's never too late to realize your dream. With your degree, perhaps you could begin working now as a substitute teacher. There is a great need. It could serve as a giant step toward getting you back on track. Please consider it.

DEAR ABBY: I am 100-plus pounds overweight. My husband has repeatedly asked me to lose weight but I have not. We no longer make love.

My husband is cordial and continues to provide beautifully for me and the kids -- he's a great dad. Do you think it's fair that he is withholding sex from me? I think he expects too much, as I love to eat. Now he has moved to another bedroom and claims he is turned off sexually. -- FRUSTRATED WIFE

DEAR WIFE: Although everyone has the "right" to weigh whatever he or she wishes, your weight gain has jeopardized your marriage.

By moving to another bedroom, your husband has given you an important message: Your marriage is in serious trouble. If you think it is worth saving, ask your doctor for a referral to a registered dietitian so you can begin to lose the extra pounds you have put on.

Next, consult a psychotherapist. The fact that you have chosen your love for food over your love for your husband needs to be addressed.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Have a Merry Christmas, but please keep in mind: If you're drinking, don't drive; if you're driving, don't drink.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After many years of part-time college classes squeezed in between working and parenting our children, finally at age 42, I have earned my bachelor's degree. I skipped the traditional graduation activities, such as the commencement exercise, but I did order announcements to send to close friends and relatives.

My husband said I shouldn't send announcements. He views them as bids for gifts, which he thinks are for 20-somethings just starting out in adult life.

Abby, I mailed the announcements anyway. Some people did respond with gifts, none of which were inappropriate or overly expensive. Others brought bottles of wine to our party to celebrate my accomplishment. However, I would still like to know if announcements for mature graduates are in poor taste. -- PROUD "OLDER" GRADUATE

DEAR GRADUATE: Announcements of accomplishments such as obtaining one's degree are not in poor taste. It's never too late to celebrate becoming the person you want to be. Just because it took you longer to get your degree than those who were fortunate enough to study full-time, no one should minimize your hard work.

Congratulations on your tenacity and your degree. You are a role model for your children and other adults.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old high school student. Until I was 13, I did some modeling and my mother entered me in beauty pageants. I constantly worried about my appearance and considered myself ugly if I didn't win. At 13, I began what my mother called "the ugly years."

At my last pageant, the judge told me I was gaining some "chub" and needed to lose weight. After that, I became bulimic for a year. Fortunately, I realized what I was doing to myself and stopped bingeing and purging.

During the four years I have not competed in pageants, I've become happier and more self-confident. My mother recently told me that now that I'm through the "ugly" stage, it is time to begin modeling again.

Abby, I don't think I can do it. I never told my mother about my bulimia, and she refuses to listen to my reasons for not wanting to model. I don't want her to know about this disorder, especially since I am over it. What should I do? -- NO NEED TO SHOW OFF

DEAR NO NEED: Tell your mother exactly what her ambition cost you the first time around. It's time she stopped projecting her own ambitions on you. At 17, you are nearly an adult. Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to be pushed into a career that's potentially so damaging to your physical and emotional health.

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law's father recently passed away. We had met him several times, but were unable to travel to the funeral services.

My husband and I want to share our sympathies with the family, but we don't know to whom we should send our condolences -- my brother-in-law, his mother or both. What is proper in this situation? -- WONDERING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WONDERING: Send an individual note of sympathy to each of them. While one letter might suffice, they are both grieving and would appreciate a personal message acknowledging their loss.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)