DEAR ABBY: I am the other woman you rarely hear from. I had an affair with a married man and married him after he divorced his wife.

Please warn your female readers that even when an affair leads to marriage, it isn't going to be what they expect.

My husband and I have been married nearly nine years. We have a beautiful daughter. She is the only good thing that has come out of this mess. My husband is selfish and cares only about his own needs. His ex-wife still won't speak to me (not that I want her to), and their son barely acknowledges my existence. All I feel is guilt over breaking up their marriage and remorse for the mess I made of my life.

So, Abby, if any of your readers are dating a married man -- give them this warning: Run for your life now! He may seem sweet and caring, but that is only because he likes the chase. Once he gets you hooked, you will be treated the same way he treats his present wife. If you complain, he will tell you that you "asked for it." After all, you knew he was married. -- SORRY FOR EVERYTHING IN TEXAS

DEAR SORRY: Oh, the lessons that people learn too late. I find it interesting that you describe only men as craving the thrill of the chase. Women, too, get caught up in the excitement and melodrama of seducing another woman's husband. As in your case, they usually wind up getting less than they hoped and more than they bargained for.

Read on for a letter that arrived the day after yours:

DEAR ABBY: This letter is for all the "other" women out there. I dated "Ray," who claimed his marriage was over. Ray did leave his wife, but he was dishonest with her. In fact, I have learned some pretty hard lessons lately.

A married man (or woman) who pursues a new relationship before putting closure on the previous one displays several character flaws: disloyalty, immaturity, dishonesty, and an inability to commit.

I was Ray's third wife. He left each of us under the same circumstances. When the going got tough, he bailed. Like most people, Ray had a pattern. He would meet a woman, start a relationship, then leave his wife. Yes, I won the grand prize, but what a mistake! I would have been better off if I hadn't. I have no doubt that Ray loved me very much. However, he lacks the skills to maintain a healthy relationship. No relationship can be healthy if it starts in a deceitful manner.

If people truly love each other, they should wait until closure is put on the first relationship. It will allow time for healing. One cannot commit fully to a new job until notice is given and the allotted time spent. The same holds true for a relationship. -- RAY'S THIRD WIFE

DEAR WIFE THREE: To quote a well-known advice columnist, "Oh, the lessons we learn too late." Yours was a painful one. But please don't place the blame entirely on Ray. After all, he had a co-conspirator -- you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After a two-year courtship, my 33-year-old son and his 26-year-old girlfriend became engaged and moved in together last August. They announced an April wedding date and began planning a formal out-of-town wedding for 50 guests.

Two months into their engagement, my son's fiancee became pregnant. Her mother and I advised them to marry right away and celebrate their marriage with the planned out-of-town reception. Abby, they refuse to alter the plans, even though the invitations have not yet been sent.

Is it proper for a bride who is six months' pregnant to walk down the aisle in a white wedding gown? We two mothers are aghast, but are being told we're just plain old-fashioned. Please respond as soon as possible. Time is of the essence, and my future daughter-in-law is getting bigger by the day. -- EMBARRASSED MOM

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I understand your feelings, but things have changed a lot during the last 25 years. While the idea of an obviously pregnant bride walking down the aisle may shock someone raised during the 1950s, it is more accepted today.

A white gown and veil no longer symbolize virginity; they signify that it is a bride's first wedding. Count your blessings. Some couples wait so long to marry that their children are old enough to be ring bearers and flower girls.

DEAR ABBY: I don't know how to solve a problem between my husband, "Earl," and our teen-age son, "Matt." For medical reasons Matt is unable to participate in basketball this season. He confided in me that he's glad and may never go back to it. He said he played the last few years only to make his dad happy.

Earl cannot accept the fact that Matt is not participating. He has told Matt that he should go to the practices and watch, and sit with the team at the games. He objects whenever Matt wants to do something with his friends instead of going to the games.

I am sick of the conflict, but don't know how to stop it. Matt is a good kid. He's never been in any trouble, works part-time and is an excellent student.

At sporting events, Earl yells at the referees and in general acts like a jerk. He carries on and makes nasty comments about what the players should have done, etc. His behavior has embarrassed our son, but shushing him at the games only makes Earl madder.

Other than this, Earl is a good husband, a fine father and fairly laid-back. Sports just bring out the absolute worst in him. I feel tied up in knots and physically ill when we come home from a game.

Earl participated in sports for only a few years when he was in school, and he was far from "MVP" (most valuable player) material. I just can't understand this, but if it doesn't stop soon, it's going to ruin the father-son relationship Earl has with our son. Please help. -- FED-UP MOM, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR FED UP: It doesn't take a degree in psychology to figure out what's wrong with your husband. A failed athlete with dreams of glory in his youth, he is attempting to live out those dreams through his son. I suspect Earl's overbearing behavior is at the root of Matt's not wanting to return to sports -- and who can blame him? His father has taken the joy out of competition. Perhaps with the help of family counseling, someone can get through to him, because the longer your husband's obsession with the boy's athletic achievements persists, the further away he'll drive his son.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Since Sept. 11, I have been re-evaluating my life. It has been a traumatic time.

We all need compliments, humor, and a reconnection to our inner selves. I can nurture others with a smile, a phone call, an invitation to go out for coffee, or allow a stranger to pet my dog.

What a wonderful equalizer my dog is. I conjure up the image of a dog lying in front of a warm fireplace, his expression quietly conveying calm and reassurance. I believe we can reduce our anxiety by creating peace in our minds and hearts. –- R.C. DUNCAN, COTTONWOOD, ARIZ.

DEAR R.C.: Being a nurturer can be as simple as reminding ourselves that our needs do not always come first. I love the mental image of the dog in front of the fireplace to symbolize peace and reassurance. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I want your readers to know that there are no bad dogs –- only bad owners. Contrary to recent press coverage, rottweilers are loyal, hardworking dogs that originated in Germany. Here in the United States, they are used extensively by the police and have received awards for their assistance.

I had the privilege of owning a rottweiler named Otto for nine years. He was trained to be loving and obedient -– not to attack.

I am epileptic and can attest to Otto's loving loyalty. Because of his acute sensitivity, he sensed exactly when I was going to have a seizure. Otto would stay next to me to protect me, allowing only close family or friends to come near. He would gently lick my face until I regained consciousness and recovered from my attack. Even after my recovery, Otto would never be more than a few feet away from me.

My loyal 160-pound friend passed away last year due to cancer. I will never be able to fill the void in my heart.

Abby, these gentle and beautiful dogs do not get the recognition they deserve for the good they do. We shouldn't condemn a marvelous breed of animal for the malicious and abusive training of a few bad owners. –- PATRICK J. KENDRICK, MORTON GROVE, ILL.

DEAR PATRICK: I agree. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your stalwart guardian.

No one should underestimate the ability of dogs (or cats) to help their owners reclaim good health. A 1980 study at the University of Maryland showed that heart attack sufferers who owned pets were four times more likely to be alive a year later than people who were not pet owners. They also had shorter hospital stays because they wanted to get home to their pets. Further, they took less medication for cholesterol and high blood pressure, possibly because those who owned dogs were more active.

Arthritis sufferers, cancer patients, and those suffering from depression or chronic pain also benefit from having pets.

I just finished a wonderfully readable and informative book, "The Healing Power of Pets," by Dr. Marty Becker and Danelle Morton. It is published by Hyperion, and it's now available in bookstores. It made me laugh, it made me cry, but most of all it educated me about a benefit of pet ownership I had been unaware of before.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)