DEAR ABBY: My belated thanks to you for encouraging your readers to send holiday messages to our troops. By letter, and more recently via the Internet, OperationDearAbby.net has put countless Americans directly in touch with the fine men and women who serve in uniform.

We at the Pentagon also want to thank the many thoughtful people who wrote to us after our building was struck by the hijacked plane on Sept. 11, 2001.

Americans across the U.S.A. as well as people from other countries around the world sent condolences, encouragement and support. They prayed for us, lit candles, sang for us and drew colorful pictures. We have received angels and flags, posters, banners, beautiful quilts -- even a can of lima beans from a schoolchild in Georgia -- not to mention thousands of cards, some as large as a wall.

Abby, please remind your readers what President Bush said about the war on terror: "Americans should not expect one battle, but a lengthy campaign, unlike any other we have seen." Our military is filled with the sons and daughters of America. They make us proud. -- DONALD H. RUMSFELD, SECRETARY OF DEFENSE, WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR MR. SECRETARY: Indeed they do. I am honored to pass along your important message and I urge my readers to continue to write and support our troops wherever they are. Regardless of one's political leanings, after Sept. 11, we are united in a war against terrorism.

DEAR ABBY: What is the meaning of Memorial Day?

That is a question I asked a group of children visiting our nation's capital a few years ago. Their reply: "It's the day the swimming pools open." That innocent response launched an effort to reclaim Memorial Day for the noble and patriotic purpose for which it was intended.

With the help of U.S. senator Chuck Hagel, the National Moment of Remembrance was established by an act of Congress. President Bush and the Congress strongly support this demonstration of national unity, which calls for all Americans to pause and reflect for one minute wherever they may be at 3 p.m. (local time) on Memorial Day, in remembrance of those who have died to preserve our freedom. Those who are driving can turn on their vehicle headlights, and we encourage the playing of "Taps" at public events and on radio and television stations.

Since our nation was founded, almost 2 million men and women have sacrificed their lives to defend and preserve this precious land of hopes and dreams. We are all connected as Americans and should all feel a kinship -- especially on Memorial Day. Their ultimate sacrifice continues to live in each constitutional right we enjoy.

On Memorial Day we hope your readers will please join together in solidarity with those whose grief is fresh and deep, to express their gratitude to the men and women who have died that we might live in freedom. In the words of author Herman Wouk, "The beginning of the end of war lies in remembrance." -- CARMELLA LA SPADA, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, WHITE HOUSE COMMISSION ON THE NATIONAL MOMENT OF REMEMBRANCE

DEAR CARMELLA: Memorial Day is Monday. I, too, hope that this year my readers will become more proactive about observing the true meaning of this holiday. If we do, in that one moment we will no longer be hyphenated-Americans; we will truly be one nation.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a pediatric nurse-practitioner. In the past few years, I have seen more and more car advertisements featuring teen-agers not wearing seat belts. The most blatant was one with four prom-goers standing with their upper bodies sticking out above the sunroof of a limo. I should think the insurance industry would be having a fit that the media could be so irresponsible about a serious safety issue.

Teens do not comprehend their own vulnerability. This makes it almost impossible for parents to get them to wear seat belts when ads like these make it seem glamorous not to. Many parents believe their children "always" wear seat belts, only to discover the truth after a tragic accident.

Motor vehicle accidents are the No. 1 killer of adolescents -- not drugs, not suicide or homicide. With spring here, and proms fast approaching, we need to keep stressing the importance of wearing seat belts.

No parent I talked to had seen the prom ad. Public opinion stopped the oversexualizing of underwear ads a few years back. I'd like the same thing to happen with ads that glamorize the non-use of seat belts. -- JOAN BUCHANAN

DEAR JOAN: Yours is a timely letter. Prom and grad nights are again upon us -- and it takes only a second to buckle up.

The souvenirs of prom night should consist of dried corsages and boutonnieres -- not physical scars, broken bones and shattered lives. And while we're on the subject of responsible advertising, read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am appalled at the number of commercials depicting four-wheel-drive vehicles conquering dangerous terrain -- "going where no other car has gone before." The commercials convey the message that you can cross streams, fly through blizzards, dodge carnivorous animals or climb ominous mountain peaks. Some commercials are downright ridiculous.

I have lived in snow country all my life. I am presently the owner of an SUV and have owned other makes depicted in the advertising. They are necessary to my lifestyle. My concern is the message they send to young or inexperienced drivers. This includes the adult driver who is chemically impaired.

The statistics reveal that a high percentage of accidents -- many fatal -- are caused by the misuse of these four-wheel-drive vehicles. Drivers mistakenly believe they are invincible -- driving too fast for the conditions, trying to maneuver in places they shouldn't be, and in general, abandoning common sense.

My son (an experienced teen-age driver) attempted to cross a stream in his Jeep. The commercial presented it as an easily accomplished feat. His vehicle became stuck, creating a dam of water that entered the air filter and destroyed the engine. He was, however, one of the lucky ones. Only the vehicle sustained major damage.

Perhaps the automakers should follow their commercials with a list of the deceased or badly injured who attempt these feats and fail. I believe they need to rethink their enticing invitation to test the limits behind the wheel. -- LIZZIE IN MONTROSE, COLO.

DEAR LIZZIE: I agree. Such ads create a false impression and should be toned down in the interest of public safety.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: For the past three months, I have had a long-distance relationship with a man I met through an Internet dating Web site.

He claims he's not interested in meeting anyone else, but has not yet deleted his Internet profile. He still receives e-mail from women -- and has continued to meet them -- all the while insisting he wants a serious relationship with me!

This situation is making me very uncomfortable. While he says all the right things, I cannot completely trust him.

When I confronted him, he said these women are just looking for friends (oh, really?), and he feels sure about where to "draw the line."

What do you think, Abby? Should I trust him? -- HANGING IN THERE IN TUCSON

DEAR HANGING IN THERE: No. You are looking for an exclusive relationship, while he is still looking -- period. Actions speak louder than words, and it's clear that he's not leveling with you.

DEAR ABBY: Last week, I visited my Aunt Bess in Mississippi. She is a great cook and served a delicious trifle to us and the 30 or so relatives who came for the family reunion. Although the dessert she presented was wonderful, I was disappointed she hadn't served the wonderful fresh fruit dessert she served last summer when my children and I visited. I told her how much we had enjoyed the fruit dessert and asked her for the recipe. Sadly, she said she no longer had it. She said she had loaned her Dear Abby Cookbooklet to a friend who had subsequently lost it.

Abby, does a fresh fruit dessert ring a bell with you? If you give me the recipe, I'll send her a copy -- or better yet, how can I get your cookbooklet? I'm sure with a recipe that good, your cookbooklet must have others that are also outstanding. -- TRICIA IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR TRICIA: As a matter of fact, it does ring a bell. That dessert has always been a favorite summer taste-treat in my family. It's called Summer Surprise Dessert and is extremely easy to make.

My cookbooklet set can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed, stamped (57 cents) envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

Fruit is plentiful in the markets now, so I'll go ahead and give you the recipe for the Summer Surprise Dessert, and since you've made my mouth water, I may make one for myself this weekend.

SUMMER SURPRISE DESSERT

1 cup fresh seedless grapes, halved

1 cup fresh whole blueberries

1 cup fresh strawberries, halved

1 cup fresh peaches, cut in bite-sized pieces

1 cup firmly packed brown sugar

2 cups dairy sour cream

In shallow 9-by-12-inch glass dish, combine all fruit and mix well. Sprinkle brown sugar over the fruit. Top with sour cream. Cover with plastic wrap; refrigerate 3 to 4 hours or overnight. The sour cream will seep through the brown sugar to the fruit.

To serve, gently stir the fruit; spoon into sherbet glasses.

TIP: Any combination of fruits may be used: fresh plums, kiwi, raspberries, pitted bing cherries, etc. However, FRESH peaches, FRESH grapes and FRESH blueberries are a necessity. Frozen or canned fruits are NOT recommended.