DEAR ABBY: I'm married to the love of my life. Our 25th anniversary will be here soon. My issue is, my husband has a beard I cannot stand. It's long and unkempt, and makes him look 10 years older than he is. It has become a real issue between us.

He keeps telling me about women and co-workers who tell him what a "nice full beard" he has. I don't care what these women think. I am his wife, and I think he should shave it or at least trim it for me.

I am withholding sex (which is very important to him) until he trims it and no longer make eye contact with him because I can't stand looking at him. What should I do? I love him more than anyone else in the world does. Shouldn't he respect my wishes? -- IN A HAIRY SITUATION IN DULUTH

DEAR HAIRY SITUATION: If you want to make your marriage last 26 years, please stop using sex as a weapon to manipulate your husband.

That said, your opinion should supersede that of the women he sees at work. A beard can be flattering if it is kept clean and trimmed. If it's not, a man can look like Howard Hughes in his latter days, which is truly unfortunate.

Because you are unable to get your message across, enlist the help of your husband's barber. Perhaps he can get through to him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm planning on moving into the same apartment complex as my ex-boyfriend. It's all I can afford and still be close to where my family lives. He'll be on one side, and I'll be on the far side. I don't think he will be driving to the side I'll be living on.

Should I text him and let him know I'm moving nearby but I'm not stalking him? Or should I keep my mouth shut and hope he never sees my car? -- TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT?

DEAR TOO CLOSE?: Before you sign the lease, ask yourself how you would feel if you saw your ex-boyfriend involved with another woman. If it would be painful, then it would be healthier for you to find an apartment elsewhere.

Next, ask yourself why your ex might think you were stalking him. If there is a grain of truth to it, again, you should not move there. If, however, there isn't, it is not necessary to text him about anything. If he sees your car and has a problem with it, do not make it your problem. The romance is over and so is the drama. Live your life and let him live his.

DEAR ABBY: I recently sent my wife flowers, but she took umbrage because I didn't take the time to stop by the florist and jot down a message myself. I phoned in the order and dictated the message instead. I am hurt and mystified over this alleged faux pas. Did I commit a social no-no? -- STEVEN IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR STEVEN: Of course not. For your wife to have criticized your gift was ungracious. She may have been upset about something else or having a bad day. Dictating the message on the card was perfectly appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: I've been divorced for nearly two years, and my ex and I have moved on. My question is about our family portraits. I don't want to throw them away because of my kids, but I don't really want them around my house either. What should I do? -- NOT LOOKING BACK IN AUSTIN

DEAR NOT LOOKING BACK: Put them in an album, or display them in your children's bedrooms if they wish. Although the marriage is over, your ex is still their father and, hopefully, he will always be a part of their lives.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a member of a close-knit theater company for teens, and I auditioned for the musical "Fame." The director wants to give me a role as one of the teachers.

Show after show, I get matronly roles with no memorable lines or funny scenes. I don't know if I should accept the part. If I do, I'll get to be with my friends. If I don't, there will still be another show coming up that I can audition for. What should I do? -- YOUNG ACTRESS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR YOUNG ACTRESS: Grab all the time you can get on stage. If you didn't have the depth it takes to portray a mature role, your director wouldn't want to assign it to you. This is a compliment about your abilities. Audition for the next show as well. The more varied the roles you play, the more you can develop your craft.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I decided to take some classes at a local community college. We both have college degrees, but there was a class we were interested in. We are the oldest students in the class by 10 to 20 years.

I am irritated by our classmates' disrespect and rudeness to the instructor. It takes the form of talking with each other when the instructor is speaking, then asking her to explain what she just discussed while they were talking. They sometimes get so loud that I can't hear what the teacher is saying.

Is there anything I can do as a fellow student to get them to stop? Because of the age difference, I'm afraid most of them would think I was being bossy. -- ANONYMOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: The teacher you describe does not appear to be a particularly effective one or she would have better control of the classroom.

Because the noise level is so high you can't hear the lecture, I have two suggestions: The first is to speak privately with the teacher. And if that doesn't do the trick, when the students around you become disruptive, ask them to pipe down so you can hear what the instructor is saying. That is not being bossy. You paid for the class and you should get your money's worth.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I often go out to eat at local ethnic restaurants with a small group of friends. When we're at a Mexican restaurant, I often throw a couple of "arribas!" into our conversation. When we're at an Italian restaurant, I will sometimes use an Italian accent to say "pizza pie-a!" My husband tells me it's offensive.

I don't mean to insult anyone. My comments are made in the spirit of fun. Furthermore, the owners and servers at these restaurants are hardly ethnic Mexicans or Italians.

I would never wish to hurt someone or be derogatory, so I told my husband I'd consult you. What do you think? -- MUY CALIENTE IN IOWA

DEAR MUY CALIENTE: When you visit a Jewish deli do you tell the server, "Oy vey, I'll have the corned beef"? Your husband is right -- cool it. Not because you'll offend the servers in the restaurant, but because stereotyping makes you look like a fool.

DEAR ABBY: I met the woman of my dreams about a year ago. Her husband had died about two months before our paths crossed. She has two teenage daughters I'm very fond of.

I have a history of alcoholism and she's a hoarder. A week ago, I had an "epiphany": I am desperately trying to quit drinking for my own sake.

Abby, I am a clean freak living with a hoarder. I come home from work and get depressed and stressed from looking at all the clutter. It is driving me insane. I feel like it is triggering me to stay drunk every night.

I don't want to lose this woman and her family, but I can't co-exist in this house. I have left several times, only to miss her and go back. I'm trying to kick the booze, but I know I won't be able to achieve sobriety while living in this house. -- TRULY TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TRULY TORN: If you quit drinking only a week ago, it is important that you find an AA group to help you hang onto your sobriety. That's step one.

Next, realize that you and the lady you're living with may share a similar problem. You say you are a "clean freak." This can be a symptom of an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Hoarding can be a symptom of the same disorder.

The International OCD Foundation is a reliable resource that may be able to help you both. It offers individuals with this disorder the support they need to manage their symptoms, and has many local chapters. You can locate it online at www.ocfoundation.org or reach it by calling 617-973-5801.

DEAR ABBY: Maybe you would like to pass this on to the parents of teenage boys. It worked for me when I had the sex talk with my sons. I knew their brains had not yet fully developed. They thought they were invincible and had an "it could never happen to me" attitude.

Because money seems to be the one thing at that age they can relate to, I decided to turn it into a mathematical problem: I told them that if they got a girl pregnant, they could figure on a minimum of $300 a month child support, multiplied by 12 months for 18 years. (That totals $65,000 -- unless the girl has twins, which would double the amount.)

Then I told them if they were tempted to have unprotected sex, they should look at the girl and ask themselves if they would pay her $65,000 to have sex with them. If they couldn't answer yes, then they needed to walk away.

Abby, it worked! No grandchildren appeared until after they were married. Feel free to share this with other parents who would appreciate a "non-traditional" approach that is effective. -- TONY IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR TONY: Gladly. I'm passing your technique along because money is a great motivator, and your idea makes "cents."

DEAR ABBY: My roommate insists that undershirts should be washed right-side-out. I say as long as you're using detergent and bleach, it doesn't matter. Who is right? -- MR. CLEAN IN OCEANSIDE, CALIF.

DEAR MR. CLEAN: I don't claim to be a domestic goddess, but I don't think there is a right or wrong way to wash undershirts. I have heard, however, that washing garments inside out will prevent lint buildup on the outside, and in the case of denim, less fading.