DEAR ABBY: I am a retired widow, crippled with rheumatoid arthritis. Every October, I start dreading Halloween, which I consider to be a legal form of extortion.

Living on Social Security, I really don't want to waste money for candy. Also, it is difficult for me to get up and down every five minutes to hand out candy. Too many of the "children" are 16- to 19-year-old males.

I have tried keeping the lights off and "hiding" in my bedroom, but I wake the next morning to find toilet paper in my trees and shrubbery. Once, my front door had been sprayed "Stingy Old Witch." The police said they couldn't act because I didn't see who did it. Of course, even if I had seen them, they probably would have been in a costume. Do you have any suggestions? -- GROUCHY GRANDMA IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR GRANDMA: Yes. Because what you've done hasn't worked, buy a large bag of inexpensive candy -- they are often for sale at this time of year -- and when the "extortionists" knock on your door, pay up. Because your physical condition makes it difficult for you to get up and down, enlist the help of a relative or neighbor to help you dole it out, or leave the bowl outside by your door with a note saying: "Take one."

DEAR ABBY: I have been HIV-positive for more than 20 years and I am in good health. I never told anyone in my family about it.

I have now returned to my hometown after being away for 40-plus years. I want to tell my father and brothers that I'm HIV-positive, but I don't want to alarm them or have them start meddling in my life. I feel like I'm lying by not telling them. What should I do? -- I'VE GOT A SECRET

DEAR GOT A SECRET: Maintaining one's privacy is not lying. Because your intuition tells you that if you disclose your HIV status to your family they will be "alarmed or start meddling," don't do it. You're in good health, your HIV is being well managed and the only person who has to know is your sex partner.

DEAR ABBY: If I name my son after myself, he will be called "Jr." or "II." But what if my wife named her daughter after herself? I have never heard of it happening, but I just wondered. Would she be called "Jr." or "the II," too? -- HARRY IN ATHENS, GA.

DEAR HARRY: According to Emily Post, the answer is yes. Junior, Senior, II and III are suffixes used by men, but can also be used by women.

DEAR ABBY: My 9-year-old niece asked her mother what kind of makeup would cover her freckles -- her beautiful freckles that God put on her face, a part of her. It made me want to cry.

She has also been begging her mother to let her dye her brunette hair blond (like a little girl at school does). How can we convince her that she's perfect as she is? -- AUNTIE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR AUNTIE: Start by telling her you think she is beautiful just the way she is, and that some people think freckles are angels' kisses and she should be proud of them because not everyone is lucky enough to have them.

As to coloring her hair, say that if she still wants to do it when she's older, her mother will consider it. But once a person starts, it has to be maintained or it looks fake -- as she will notice when her friend's roots start to show. In time she'll realize you are right.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Tony" for a few weeks. He is kind, caring and will make a great boyfriend, husband and father someday. My problem with him is he thinks I'm a "status digger." (It's similar to a gold digger, but he means I care only about someone's standing in the community.) His rationale is based on my friendships.

I come from a privileged background. While some acquaintances in my circle are spoiled and superficial, my close friends and I are not. Because I grew up here, it was only natural I'd date guys from a similar background. While I was not opposed to dating outside my social circle, the opportunity never presented itself.

Abby, I have never measured a guy because of his position in society. The thought never occurred to me. I admit I would probably be more inclined to date someone from a similar background because that's what I'm familiar with, but I don't think this makes me a social climber, status digger or elitist.

How should I address this with Tony? I'm afraid our relationship will end if he can't see me for who I really am. -- JUST ME IN HOUSTON

DEAR JUST ME: Tony may come from a blue-collar background. Because he perceives you and your friends as having had so much given to you, he may feel inadequate, so he's putting you on the defensive by accusing you of being solely interested in social status. Of course, that's stereotyping, and it isn't fair to you. Because someone comes from inherited status/wealth there is no guarantee that it won't disappear. That's the reason some women prefer self-made men to those from a privileged background.

You and Tony should have a frank talk. When you do, suggest that before he assumes any more preconceptions about you are true, he should get to know you -- because if he doesn't, he will miss out on someone who is not only very nice, but who thinks he has a lot to offer.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in my 20s, I was involved in a long-term relationship with a married man. I became pregnant, we ended the relationship and I gave birth to an amazing, intelligent and well-adjusted son, "Kyle." There has been no contact with my former lover, and we have no mutual acquaintances.

Now that Kyle is an adult, he has expressed an interest in contacting his father. He is curious, but doesn't want to disrupt his father's life. Kyle doesn't feel he missed out by not meeting his father; he simply wonders what he is like. The man is easy to locate on social media because he has an unusual last name.

I don't want to see my son hurt by rejection or lack of interest from this man. Should I make the initial contact? If so, what would be the best way to do it? -- PROTECTIVE MOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: Your impulse may be to protect your son, but Kyle should make the contact. When he does, he should tell the man that you are his mother, and that he would like to meet him for no other reason than to ask him some questions and get his medical history. The response Kyle gets will tell him a lot about the man who fathered him. But there is no guarantee that a man who never provided financial support for his son will be receptive, compassionate or polite, and your son should be prepared.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Derrick," and I have been engaged for almost a year. The whole time we've been together he has been overseas. While he has many of the characteristics I look for in a man, he isn't as down-to-earth as I'd like him to be.

He's now back in the U.S. for good, and we are living together. Derrick's a great father to his children, a good provider, intelligent, handsome and we have a lot in common. I love his family. But for a few months now I have been rethinking my decision to marry him.

I feel like I can't be myself around him without him judging me or making facial expressions. I have tried telling him how I feel, but I always end up hurting his feelings or he ends up pointing the finger at me.

He's the best person I have ever met, but I'm not deeply in love with him. He doesn't bring out the best in me and I don't know what to do. How should I handle this situation without breaking our engagement? -- MS. ENGAGED IN FLORIDA

DEAR MS. ENGAGED: You and Derrick might be able to communicate more effectively if you had premarital counseling. However, if it doesn't resolve your issues, do not marry him, regardless of how handsome he is or what a good provider you think he will be.

To have a successful marriage, you will have to be yourself -- and you and Derrick should bring out the best in each other. With help, you may be able to save the relationship. But if counseling doesn't work, do both of you a favor and become Ms. dis-engaged.

DEAR ABBY: My parents split up in 1987. They have just started dating again. What is the likelihood of them remarrying? They are in their 70s.

My concern is, what if they break up? I guess I shouldn't worry and just appreciate the time I have with them as a new couple starting out again. Are these normal concerns? -- SWEET, CARING DAUGHTER, SUNNYSIDE, WASH.

DEAR CARING DAUGHTER: Of course your concerns are normal. You love your folks and don't want either of them to be hurt if the romance goes off the tracks (again). Because you can't control what happens next, cross your fingers and hope for a happy outcome. Your parents seem to have a strong connection, and they're old enough to know what they're doing. Que sera, sera.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have an ongoing disagreement about food. When there is special food in the house, something we both like, he feels free to eat as much of it as he wants and not leave any for me.

His argument is that if it's around -- even if it's frozen -- I would have had "plenty of time to get my share." I don't think it should be up to him to tell me how much to eat and when.

It's particularly upsetting if I have invested hours in preparing a dish only to find that it's gone when I want my second helping. I feel he is being inconsiderate. Am I wrong? -- WHERE'S MY BEEF?

DEAR WHERE'S: I don't think so. Your husband is behaving like a greedy child. If you're cooking in large quantities, try this: Prepare only enough for two portions for a while -- a long while.