DEAR ABBY: Due to various anti-drug lectures he was exposed to at school, my 13-year-old son believes that marijuana is not only illegal, but also is very bad for you. He said it is poison.

My state has recently legalized marijuana and I am at a loss about how to explain to him that pot is no longer "that bad," as people partake of it in a responsible manner going forward. Any suggestions? -- COLORADO MOM

DEAR MOM: Marijuana isn't poison, unless it was sprayed with a poisonous chemical before being harvested. The marijuana being sold to adults in the states where it is now legal has been carefully cultivated and harvested. Its use is not encouraged among teenagers, however, because research has shown it can impair brain development among young people.

Stress to your son that like alcohol, marijuana can slow reaction time and impair judgment and memory, which is why it's illegal for minors to use it. Whether it will become legal across the nation is still an open question. If it's abused the way that alcohol sometimes is, smoking weed may also be harmful because, like any smoke, it poses a risk to the lungs.

DEAR ABBY: I moved into my boyfriend's home several months ago. In the beginning, he was very attentive and we had fun together. But over the last couple of months, he has become abusive and unbearable to live with. He orders me around and double-checks to make sure I'm doing things "his way."

I feel as though there isn't room to breathe and no way out. I have lost weight, and I'm having trouble sleeping now. I have no family or friends who can help me out. I want to end this misery! But how? -- MISERABLE IN FLORIDA

DEAR MISERABLE: Pick up the phone and call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233). Although your boyfriend's controlling behavior hasn't yet escalated to physical abuse, it very well could. The counselors at the hotline can help you to formulate a plan so you can safely get away. Please don't wait to make the call, because the symptoms you're having are ones of extreme stress.

DEAR ABBY: We live in a small town. My husband is friendly and outgoing and seems to know everyone. We can't go anywhere without running into someone he knows. Meals out that should be quiet affairs turn into social situations I do not want to be part of.

I have wracked my brain as to a polite response to people when they say, "Join us!" I don't WANT to join them. How do we politely decline their friendly offer? -- "NOT TONIGHT" IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR "NOT TONIGHT": A polite way to refuse would be to say, "We'd love to do that another time, but it has been a long day and we just want to sit and be quiet." It wouldn't be considered rude unless you say it often.

If these people are friends, they should understand because not everyone is up for company all the time. It is also understandable if a couple has things they need to discuss privately.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for two years. We gave each other our phone passwords as soon as we made it official to avoid keeping things from each other.

One night I had a sudden urge to go through his phone. I had never done it before, and when I looked at his Facebook messages, I saw he had been exchanging inappropriate pictures with someone. I was shocked and angry, and it almost ended our relationship.

He deleted and blocked this person, and I forgave him. We don't talk about it anymore. I haven't noticed any other red flags, but now, when he's asleep or goes somewhere and leaves his phone at home, just looking at it upsets me. I'll put a pillow or a blanket over it so I can "forget" it's there. I don't know if I should take another peek to make sure he's staying on the straight and narrow, or if ignorance is bliss. What do you think? -- UNSURE GUY IN TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE GUY: Ignorance ISN'T bliss. Being able to trust the man you're with is, and if it turns out you can't, it's better that you know sooner rather than later. It appears you still have some unresolved trust issues with him that need to be discussed.

Between you and me, if he was trying to conceal something, he probably wouldn't be leaving his phone exposed and vulnerable to checking.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 39 and have been married for 12 years. My wife is 35. When we first got together, my wife did not want to have kids right away. She said maybe after I graduated from college, or perhaps we could adopt. It took more time because of some surgeries, but I have graduated now and I want to start a family.

She now says she thought I was kidding when we were talking about it all those years ago, and that I knew she never wanted kids. I am at a loss. I love this woman, but I do want children, or to adopt a baby if that's not possible -- but she says she's unwilling to do either. What am I to do? -- WANTS TO BE A DAD IN CHARLOTTE, N.C.

DEAR WANTS TO BE A DAD: You either accept that you will be childless, or talk to an attorney about divorcing a woman who appears to have deceived you. How sad!

DEAR ABBY: I was engaged to my ex-girlfriend for three years. We broke up more than a year ago -- her choice. We reconciled briefly, but are now broken up for good, and she's dating someone else.

My question is about the engagement ring. It didn't bother me that she kept it until recently. Should I ask for the ring back or let it go? If you think I should ask for it, should I do it face-to-face or through some other messaging? -- MOVING ON IN KENTUCKY

DEAR MOVING ON: When your ex-girlfriend broke the engagement, she should have returned the engagement ring. That she didn't indicates she is either ignorant regarding the rules of etiquette, or that she plans to keep it regardless of what the custom is. (If it's the latter, you're fortunate to be rid of her.)

I do NOT recommend asking for the ring via text or a phone call out of the blue. Your chances might be better if you ask in person. I wish you luck!

DEAR ABBY: Your answer to "Heartbroken in Alabama" (Jan. 2) did not go deep enough. The pregnant sister, "Nicole," who is facing prison time, needs to contact the Department of Children's Services in her county/state as soon as possible. They will oversee the placement of her child if said child is born in jail or prison.

A child born in custody becomes a ward of the state, and if arrangements can be made prior to birth for a foster family, it could benefit the child and "Heartbroken." -- OBSTETRICAL RN IN MICHIGAN

DEAR RN: Thank you for writing. Readers' views were emotionally charged about this subject, as you will see:

DEAR ABBY: "Heartbroken" is upset because her parents want to raise her sister's child while her sister serves a prison sentence. It should be the sister's decision who will raise the child, no one else's.

It sounds like the parents intend to maintain the family ties and make sure the child knows his/her birth mother, regardless of the circumstances. This is especially important, since the birth father is married and probably unavailable. It's unlikely the birth mother would be released from prison ready and able, emotionally and financially, to care for her child. But if the parents have custody, a relationship can still be formed and the child won't be cast to the wind.

If I were the birth mother, I wouldn't want my child raised by a sister who has no compassion or empathy for me. "Heartbroken" is behaving like the child is a commodity with no rights or needs of his/her own. That child needs to view the birth mother as someone of value (as everyone is) in order to develop a healthy sense of self. I urge "Heartbroken" and her husband to educate themselves about the emotional needs of adopted children before they take ANY child into their home. -- ADOPTIVE MOTHER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: "Heartbroken" may desperately want to be a mother and her mother may want to raise her grandchild, but has either of them given consideration to the special needs that Nicole's child will likely be born with?

We have two adopted children whose birth mothers had varying degrees of alcohol and drug dependency. Our boys have learning disabilities, seizures, ADHD and more. They require numerous kinds of therapy and more doctors' appointments than we had with our six biological children combined.

Adoption is a wonderful process and the joys of raising a child with special needs are numerous. However, "Heartbroken" and her mother both need to be aware that adopting a bundle of joy whose mother was drugged and/or drank during pregnancy means they will be raising a child who has some level of disability.

"Heartbroken," DO YOUR RESEARCH. I'd hate to see your heart broken again. -- MOM WHO KNOWS IN IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: Having an addiction does not absolve Nicole from facing the music for her past actions -- she may indeed serve time. But respect and empathy are more appropriate reactions to her situation than judgment and criticism. It's likely Nicole is already providing herSELF with plenty of those.

"Heartbroken" should consider talking with her sister to validate how hard it must be for Nicole, who "always wanted to be a mom," to finally be pregnant but facing jail time instead of nursery time. I know several women in the same situation, who acted on what they perceived to be in the best interest of their child. They facilitated the adoption of the child, most often sending the child to a loving and trusted relative, especially a sibling. -- ADDICTION MEDICINE DOC IN NEW ENGLAND