DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Caleb," and I have been dating for three years. I'm sure he'll propose within the next few months. I'm having a problem with this because Caleb's best friend, "A.J.," will be proposing to his girlfriend in the next month. They should be able to enjoy their time and let all their friends know.

Caleb has always followed A.J.'s lead. When A.J. buys his girlfriend jewelry, I get jewelry. It makes me feel like an afterthought and that the gifts are not sincere.

If Caleb does propose close to the time that A.J. does, I'm going to say no. I don't want a copycat engagement so my boyfriend can keep up with his best friend. Please advise. -- COMING IN SECOND IN NEW YORK

DEAR COMING IN SECOND: You appear to be frustrated because your boyfriend has a recessive personality and is a follower. It is unlikely that he is going to change. Frankly, Caleb doesn't appear to be mature enough to be making decisions with lifelong consequences. You might be much happier with someone who is his own man.

DEAR ABBY: A year and a half ago, my doctor diagnosed me with ADHD. The medication I take is a stimulant and it curbs my appetite. I take it before school and it wears off by mid-afternoon. Because of this, I don't feel hungry at lunchtime.

My teachers and schoolmates have noticed. They try to persuade me to eat, but I tell them I had a big breakfast or I'm just not hungry.

I know they mean well, but I want them to understand that I'm not anorexic. I don't want them to know I have ADHD because some of them make fun of people who do. Do you have any suggestions? -- ANONYMOUS IN IOWA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: The principal of your school should be told that you are on doctor-prescribed medication that suppresses your appetite so that information can be shared with the teachers who supervise the cafeteria. That way you will receive less pressure to eat from the adults. Your classmates do not have to know.

If someone accuses you of being anorexic, just say that your doctor has told you your weight is normal. It's a shame they would tease someone who has ADHD because it's a condition that so many students and adults share. However, because you feel it would make you a target, you're wise to say nothing.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is an only son. His mother lives an hour from us. I love her dearly, but when she calls to let us know she's coming to visit on any given Saturday, she won't give us a time of her arrival. She says she "doesn't want to be bound by time" because she runs a lot of errands while she's here.

She doesn't appear to notice the inconvenience to me and my active family, who are bound to our house the entire day, waiting for her to show up. My husband brushes it off, but it frustrates me. How should I handle this in a kindly manner? -- STILL WAITING IN TEXAS

DEAR STILL WAITING: The next time your mother-in-law calls, ask her when she plans to be at your house because you have errands to run, too. When she says she doesn't want to be bound by time, ask her to call you on your cellphone and let you know when she's done with her errands and you'll meet her at the house. That way, none of you are tied down or inconvenienced.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were both married previously. We have been together for seven years.

When we first started dating, we would sometimes go to one of the casinos after dinner as a fun outing. We never spent much money and went only occasionally. Our game of choice was the slot machine.

Over the last few years, it seems like the casino has taken over our lives. We go there to the exclusion of almost everything else and spend money we can't afford to lose. We both have the mentality that the "big win" is right around the corner.

How can we break this habit? It's causing unbearable financial and emotional stress in our marriage. I'm afraid it won't last another year. -- IN OVER MY HEAD IN NEW YORK

DEAR IN OVER YOUR HEAD: In case you are not aware, there is a name for the habit you and your husband have acquired. It's "compulsive gambling," and it's an addiction in much the same way as the abuse of alcohol or drugs. Fortunately, you have finally reached a point where you have realized this "fun outing" is out of control.

Gamblers Anonymous can help you break this destructive cycle. It's a 12-step program based on the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. Its members support one another by sharing their strength and experiences with one another. The website is www.gamblersanonymous.org.

Many people have experienced what you're going through, and this well-established organization has helped them. To locate a meeting near you, visit the website or check your telephone directory.

DEAR ABBY: My mom and stepfather are divorcing. They were married for 25 years. He was always a great father figure to me and has been a very active grandfather to my children. The reason for the divorce is his infidelity and the disrespect he has shown my mother.

We are his only family, and he wants to be involved with us as if nothing is different, even showing up at family gatherings. I want to be loyal to my mother -- and I do feel he betrayed us -- but I still recognize that he has also been good to me and the kids. He doesn't deserve to be cut out of our lives. How does one handle a situation like this? -- SEEING THE BIG PICTURE

DEAR SEEING: Your stepdad may want to pretend that nothing is different, but something IS different. He hurt your mother so badly they will no longer be married.

If you want to be loyal to your mother and still have a relationship with him, then you need to have a talk with him. Explain that because he is no longer married to your mother, he will no longer be invited to family gatherings where your mother will be present. Be sure to tell him you regard him with affection, but will be seeing him separately for the foreseeable future.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old boy in ninth grade. I have depression, and I don't know what to do. I always feel like I'm not good enough for anything, even though I have had a 4.0 GPA since seventh grade. I have repeatedly cut myself, but I wear a bracelet so no one can see it.

I don't want my family to find out because I'm afraid they will treat me like a poor little kid who is too easily offended. I don't know what to do or who I can go to for help. Thank you for any help you can give me. -- DROWNING IN DESPAIR

DEAR DROWNING: When a person is experiencing so much emotional pain that he (or she) is self-injuring, it's time to get professional help to deal with it.

Ideally, you should be able to talk to your parents about the depth and duration of your depression. But because you feel you can't, talk with a trusted teacher or counselor at school about it, or an adult relative you feel close enough to confide it to. Cutting is not the answer because it only brings temporary relief from the issues you have that need resolving.

I care about you, and I'm glad you asked me this question. Please don't postpone following my advice.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are retired. Everything was great until about six months ago, when things radically changed.

The issue is I stopped shaving every day. I did it when I was working, but I don't feel the need to do it now. My wife strongly disapproves. She claims my unkempt appearance is a direct, negative reflection on her. I feel it reflects only on me.

I have told her I will shave prior to any social engagement we both attend, as well as public events like civic club, etc. The guys I play cards with also go unshaven.

My wife has threatened to cancel card games with friends, cancel our weekend trip to her brother's birthday celebration, cancel our upcoming European river cruise, refuses to kiss me and said some things I can't repeat. Is there anything I can do to appease this lady I love dearly? -- LAID BACK IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LAID BACK: One thing comes to mind -- you could shave.

DEAR ABBY: I am a server in an upscale restaurant. Part of my job is refilling water goblets, which shouldn't be stressful except that almost all of our customers place their smartphones right next to their glasses. If I should make a slight mistake and accidentally drip water on these expensive devices, you know what would happen next. Please ask your readers to keep their smartphones off the table! -- CAREFUL SERVER IN BETHLEHEM, PA.

DEAR CAREFUL SERVER: I'm glad to ask, but many readers regard their smartphones as extensions of themselves. Convincing them to cooperate would be like selling them on amputating a finger. Of course, the lesson would be learned if the diner accidentally tipped over a water or wine glass because there would be no one else to blame. But in the meantime, it's important that when you pour, you do it VERY CAREFULLY.