DEAR ABBY: I have been married for seven years and have two children. My husband has what I can only describe as an Internet addiction. He's literally online from the time I go to bed until I wake up to take our kids to school. I checked and discovered many profiles he has made up on different dating sites.

When I confronted him, he told me he has no interest in having an affair. He said he has been depressed for some time, and it's his way of escaping reality. I recommended he talk to a therapist, but he keeps trying to justify his behavior by telling me I have no reason to feel hurt because it's all "make-believe."

Our relationship has taken a serious dive since I found out. I no longer trust him alone on the computer. I am also no longer attracted to him, and I no longer feel attractive. I don't know what I can do to be a supportive partner if he won't admit he has a problem. Please help me. I'm at a total loss. -- SECOND TO A SCREEN NAME

DEAR SECOND: May I be frank? First on your agenda should be to take care of yourself and your own emerging depression. If that means talking to a professional, then go for it.

You have every right to be angry about what your husband has been doing. It isn't harmless, and it isn't effective therapy for his depression. Much as you might wish to, you can't fix his problem -- which is trying to escape from reality. Only he can do that. Let's hope he'll find the courage to face what he's trying to escape from while your marriage is still salvageable.

DEAR ABBY: I am not suicidal, but I do think about death, in the sense of what happens when one dies. I believe in the heaven-and-hell theory. Although I'm not sure I want to go to heaven, I AM sure I don't want to go to hell.

My reason for not wanting to go to heaven is because of the relatives who have gone before me. I come from a very abusive family but, like so many, most of them have been able to do what I call the "last-minute redemption." With that in mind, I do not want to spend all of eternity with the same people I could not wait to have exit this Earth.

I am also not a big believer in this forgiveness thing -- forgiving adults who do these things to children and expect them to forget about it. I sure haven't, and I never will!

Do you, or the clergy, think it's possible for God to just let some of us sleep through eternity without meeting up with family on "the other side"? -- OWENSBORO, KY., READER

DEAR READER: Because I am more involved with what's going on in this life rather than the next, I took your question to Rev. Canon Mark Stanger of Grace Cathedral in San Francisco. He suggests that you stop thinking about heaven as a "place" or that you need a scorecard to get there. He also said: "A merciful God will make heaven what you need -- and in your case, heaven may be liberation from these troubled people."

DEAR ABBY: We're proud parents of a new baby girl. She's adorable, and we feel lucky and blessed.

Although having a new baby is an exciting, magical time, it is also very stressful. Sleep deprivation, difficulty with breast-feeding, plus endless visits and phone calls can wear any new parent thin. Also, if Mom had an episiotomy or C-section, she may be in pain. In addition -- or perhaps because of these things -- some women also struggle with postpartum depression.

Friends and family don't always realize everything new parents must cope with. I compared notes with other parents and came up with a short list of guidelines for friends and family of new parents:

1. UNLESS YOU ARE IMMEDIATE FAMILY OR VERY CLOSE FRIENDS, WAIT UNTIL THE THIRD WEEK OR SO TO CALL. Keep in mind the first two weeks are often the toughest. If you would like the new parents to know you're thinking of them, send a card.

2. LIMIT VISITS TO 20 OR 30 MINUTES. Unless you are staying to help with the housework, or know your presence is wanted longer than this, keep your visit short.

3. IF YOU VISIT, BRING FOOD! A simple casserole or some takeout will be gratefully accepted by the exhausted parents.

4. WASH YOUR HANDS IMMEDIATELY BEFORE TOUCHING THE BABY. While it's unlikely that you would unwittingly pass a cold or sore throat to the baby, seeing you wash your hands will make concerned new parents feel better.

5. LEAVE YOUR SMALL CHILDREN AT HOME. Even if you keep a close eye on your children, their high energy level can be too much for already stressed-out new parents.

6. BE SENSITIVE ABOUT MOM'S NEED TO BREAST-FEED. If Mom had a surgical birth, moving around can be an effort for her. If she needs to nurse, offer to leave the room. -- NEW MOM IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR NEW MOM: Congratulations on your new arrival. Your guidelines make sense, and I'm pleased to share them. However, as sensible as they may be, do not be surprised if most of your visitors don't abide by them -- because if my mail is any indication, the majority will think they are the exception to the rule.

DEAR ABBY: My husband drinks milk straight from the carton. He says it's OK because he's the only one in the house who drinks milk. (True.) I have told him I find it disgusting and that company often drinks milk, having no idea that he drinks straight from the carton.

Isn't this unsanitary -- not to mention rude and selfish behavior? I'd love to know how to get him to stop. -- GROSSED OUT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR GROSSED OUT: I'm sorry you are grossed out, but what your husband is doing isn't a federal offense -- particularly since he's the only milk-drinker in the house. However, a solution to your problem might be to separate a portion of the milk into another container, so that it will be available for guests should the need arise.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13, and my classmates are just beginning to "date." Sometimes what this means is, "Hey, do you want to go to my house, get drunk and have sex?" There's already a pregnant girl in our school. She's 12.

I'm trying not to get involved in any of this, but I'm constantly being teased for not holding a guy's hand, let alone not having had my first kiss. I have learned to deal with it, but my problem is there's this one guy who has been flirting with me.

"Jon" is sweet and nice, but he's part of the popular crowd. I'm afraid if he asks me out, he'll end up trying to get me drunk. He's different from the people he hangs out with, but I still don't know if I can trust him.

I want to stay a virgin until I get married. I won't drink until I'm 21, and I never intend to use drugs. But how do I say no if Jon asks me out and tries to have sex with me or gets me buzzed? I can't hide my entire junior high-to-high school life and not accept a date. Can you help? -- TOO YOUNG FOR TROUBLE, COLUMBIA, MO.

DEAR TOO YOUNG: There's an old saying, "Birds of a feather flock together," and it's usually true. If the price of being popular at your school is being pregnant at 12, then accept that you are better off NOT running with the popular crowd, even if Jon is "nice."

Not all the students in your class are into sex and drinking. It's up to you to avoid the ones who are and socialize with the ones whose values are like yours. If you do, you will never have to worry about someone getting you "buzzed" and taking advantage of you.

Before you go anywhere with anyone, your parents should have met the person. There should be a clear understanding about where you'll be, what time you'll be home and which adult will be supervising.

Equally important: If you ever find yourself in a situation in which you are not comfortable, call your parents immediately so they can pick you up. Got it? You don't have to be a prude, but you do have to set boundaries, and your parents can and should help you to do that.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in an awkward position. I started working for my uncle's plumbing business four months ago. I'm a laborer, not an apprentice or mechanic, so I don't know a lot about the trade. I'm not qualified to do a lot of the basic tasks like welding or pipe fitting, but I work hard. I come in early and stay late. I'm respectful and try to have a positive attitude.

The problem is most of the guys here regard me as the arrogant, spoiled nephew (which I'm not). They think I'm incapable and only got the job through my family ties.

How do I prove myself to them? I want to earn their respect. If I ask my uncle to talk to them, they won't trust me and it will make me look bad. Help me, please. -- UNDERESTIMATED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR UNDERESTIMATED: I know it's difficult, but if you want to earn their respect, keep doing exactly what you are doing. Come in early, stay late and learn all you can about the business. In time, your efforts will be recognized. What you are experiencing is something that happens to anyone who enters a family business.