DEAR ABBY: As a child, I was sexually, physically and mentally abused. As an adult, I suffered several miscarriages and two of my children died as infants. I have two living children, ages 9 and 16. It should be no surprise that I turned to food for comfort; I ate myself to a whopping 420 pounds.

After my marriage ended in a bitter divorce, I decided it was time for a complete makeover. I have lost more than 200 pounds. Because of my weight loss, I have gained better health, more energy, a better outlook on life -- and almost 36 pounds of baggy skin. With this much excess skin, I'm sure you can imagine that I bring a whole new meaning to the word "skinny."

Insurance will not help with skin removal. Burn centers use skin from cadavers, so I can't donate it to a good cause. I view myself as an overcomer of many things. I just need assistance in overcoming this oversized birthday suit. Can you please advise? -- LEFT HANGING IN COLORADO

DEAR LEFT HANGING: I addressed your question to prominent Los Angeles plastic surgeon Joel Aronowitz, who suggests you start calling around to universities that offer plastic surgery residencies. It's possible a resident could perform your surgery under the supervision of an experienced attending physician and you would pay a lower rate for the procedure than you would be charged by a private physician.

He also told me that insurance should pay for the excision of skin in areas where it overlaps with other skin because it could be medically necessary if it causes rashes or infections that are giving you problems. If this is documented by an experienced plastic surgeon, those areas of your body might be covered by your insurance.

Many people finance their plastic surgeries through companies that specialize in this. The doctor's patient coordinator can direct you to one that works with the practice. However, I would advise you to wait until you have lost ALL of the weight you intend to before getting anything done.

DEAR ABBY: About 10 years ago I became involved with a man I later found out was married. It was hard for me, but I ended the relationship and ceased all contact with him because I didn't want to be the cause of a broken family.

Since then, I no longer think of myself as a good person, Abby. I can't forget that I was the "other woman," and I feel horrible about it.

I have tried my best to "keep my nose clean." I returned to college to complete a degree, and I avoid the dating scene. I graduated with good grades, but with all the free time I have now, I realize how lonely I am.

The majority of my friends are married or in long-term relationships. I visit with them less and less because it reminds me of my aching to have a special someone. I'm tired of hating myself and feeling lonely, but I'm afraid I'll mess up again. Do you have any advice? -- MISERABLE IN KILLEEN, TEXAS

DEAR MISERABLE: Yes. Please stop feeling guilty and flogging yourself for what happened. In a sense, you were as much a victim of this cheater as his wife was. Instead, thank your lucky stars that he didn't waste more of your time.

While I understand why you'd question your judgment or have some trust issues, by avoiding all contact with men, you have gone too far. If necessary, talk this through with a religious adviser or a licensed mental health professional. If you do, it will help you more quickly get on with your life.

DEAR ABBY: "Still Alive in San Diego" (Nov. 22) said she reads the obituaries every day and feels somehow disappointed when she doesn't see a name she recognizes. She asked if it was "weird" and you told her yes, that it seemed like a lack of empathy.

I don't agree. What's happening is this woman is lonely and the activity has become the hub of her day. It gives her something -- sadly -- to look forward to and a sense of closeness to her acquaintances when she recognizes their names.

My advice to her would be to find another way to fill the void and not obsess about the obits. Joining a club or taking up a physical activity would allow her to meet people. I'm betting she will feel less of a need to connect to the obituaries if she expands her social circle to include the living. -- BEEN THERE, TOO, IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR BEEN THERE, TOO: Your point is well-stated, and it was echoed by other readers who, like you, read between the lines of "Still Alive's" short letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: If the letter-writer is ill, disabled, elderly or has outlived most of her companions, it might explain her "letdown" when no one she knows appears in the obituaries. Seeing a familiar name may bring back memories of better times and make her feel more connected to the outside world. -- JULIE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ABBY: An obituary is more than a death announcement. It tells a story. It's often the last memory loved ones have of someone cherished, and it's the deceased's introduction to a sea of strangers.

Obituaries are scrapbooked and prized, and researched for generations by genealogists, historians and relatives looking to complete their family tree. A well-done obituary is the final word on how a person is remembered. -- SANDY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ABBY: Some people, whether or not they live and associate with friends and family, feel a certain emptiness in their lives and look for different ways to feel something emotionally. Finding the name of someone they know, especially in an obituary, where some of the person's biography is included, provides the opportunity to feel compassion toward that individual or even feel grateful to still be alive. Not finding a familiar name can seem like a missed opportunity to experience that. -- LOYAL READER, ARLINGTON, VA.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Still Alive" she isn't alone. I have often wondered why I look through the obituaries half-hoping to see someone I know. I suspect it may be similar to how people slow down to view a car wreck. I'm a sympathetic, caring person; I don't consider myself weird or cold-blooded. -- EMPATHIZING IN HONOLULU

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am a daily obit reader. I have lived in this town for more than 50 years, and I know a lot of people here. When I see a name I know, or the name of a family member of a friend, I take the opportunity to send a card to express my condolences.

And, by the way, your column appears on the same page as the obituaries in my local newspaper, and I'd never want to miss a day of Dear Abby! -- BIG FAN IN TUCSON

DEAR BIG FAN: Bless you!

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old daughter, "Lizzie," continues to talk to a 14-year-old boy who is very controlling and abusive to her. I made her stop talking to him, took away her cellphone privileges, and tried to show her how wrong he was for her and that she was going to wind up very hurt.

After recently giving her the cellphone back, I learned last night that Lizzie has been talking to him and lying to me about it. He sent her a text that if she didn't answer his call within seven minutes, he was either going to shoot himself or cut himself. He included a picture of his arm with a knife held against it. She thinks that her compliance is all that's standing in the way of this boy killing himself.

I'm scared for her safety, but she won't listen to me because she "loves" him. When I called the boy's mother about it, she became defensive and accused me of implying she was a bad mother. Please tell me how to handle this. -- WORRIED MOM IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR WORRIED MOM: It's time to have a nonconfrontational conversation with your daughter about the dynamics of emotional blackmail, because that's exactly what she's experiencing. Your daughter needs to realize that the boy appears to have serious emotional problems and as much as she may love him, she's not equipped to help him or to prevent him from hurting himself if he really wants to.

As long as Lizzie sees herself as a hero who is saving his life by sacrificing hers, he won't get the help he needs. So if she REALLY cares about him -- and I have no doubt she does -- she will end the relationship because it isn't a healthy one for either of them.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine, "Cameron," has a problem. It's his second year in college and he's still a virgin. He gave his heart to a girl in the past, and it left him bitter, emotionally unavailable and, unfortunately, unlaid. He is outspoken, but deep down he lacks confidence.

How can my friends and I help him, and how can he help himself? -- HIS BFF IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BFF: You are well-meaning, but the person asking this question should be your friend Cameron. While the fact that he may be "unlaid" and "unavailable" bothers you and your friends, it's possible that it doesn't bother HIM.

If and when Cameron does tell you he is troubled by it, advise him to visit the student health center and discuss it with a counselor because there may be complicated reasons for it. He doesn't need help losing his virginity. But he may need help addressing his trust issues or he may always remain emotionally unavailable.

DEAR ABBY: How do you feel about young adults using the F-word in public? My sweetie, a mom of two, insists the word is becoming accepted. I am of the "old school," and I maintain that the word is tasteless and shouldn't be used in public. What do you think? -- KEEPING IT CLEAN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR KEEPING IT CLEAN: I think that, regardless of age, the F-word should not be used in public -- and if it's used in private, it should be reserved only for "special occasions."