DEAR ABBY: My niece confided in me that she and her fiance eloped. Her parents are planning her wedding for next month. I tried to advise her to tell her parents, but she still hasn't. She's living at home and her "fiance" lives in a different city.

I don't pretend to understand why they felt like doing this. Should I just sit back while she continues to lie to her parents while they plan on her getting "married" in a month? I'm at a loss.

I wanted to give her a chance to come clean, but because she hasn't, do I intervene? Do I threaten that if she doesn't fess up, I'll spill the beans? Or should I just let her keep heading down the road she's on? -- ANXIOUS AUNT

DEAR ANXIOUS: What do you think you will accomplish by breaking your niece's confidence? If you divulge what she told you, she will never trust you again. I'll give you my advice in four words: Keep your mouth shut.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and I need help. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend, "Bailey," for six months and things are complicated. She's very insecure, and it's hard to keep her happy for any extended period of time.

I have thought about breaking up with her because I want her to be happy, and the same goes for me. But then I think I'd rather be miserable at times and happy at others and be with her, than end it and possibly feel worse.

Please give me some advice. I love Bailey and I don't know what to do. -- LOST IN ARIZONA

DEAR LOST: Have a talk with Bailey and tell her that although you love her, her insecurity and mood swings make it difficult. If you do, it may give her something to think about. The problem with insecurity is it can eventually drive a boyfriend -- or girlfriend -- away when it becomes smothering.

P.S. There is truth to the saying that you can't MAKE someone happy; happiness has to come from within.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are in our 40s and have been living together for several years. The house we live in is in his name only, and he pays the mortgage.

I own a townhouse I bought before I met him, and I make the payments on it. People often ask us why I don't sell it. I usually give some excuse, but the real reason is, when he drafted his will, he left everything to his mother -- at her insistence.

He seems to think it's too much trouble and expensive to change his will to include me. I want to be sure I have a place to live, so I have kept my townhouse.

Needless to say, our views on this situation differ. What's your opinion? -- HEDGING MY BETS IN TEXAS

DEAR HEDGING: I think you are behaving rationally, because it should be quite clear that your boyfriend wants his assets to go to his mother -- not you -- in the event of his death. I hope you have your townhouse rented and are saving the income, because you may need the money later. That way, if your boyfriend suddenly keels over or the romance sours, you won't be left with nothing but memories.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 27-year-old woman trapped in a loveless marriage. My husband is a few years younger, and very co-dependent. Before he dated me, he had never had a girlfriend or a sexual encounter. I came into the relationship with a child and some trust/fear issues because my ex had abused me.

My husband has now become verbally, sexually and to a lesser degree, physically abusive, to the point of striking my 5-year-old son. I threw him out for that, but caved to pressure from my family to take him back. They think he's a "stabilizing" influence in my life. They don't know about, or can't grasp, his abuse or the abuse I survived previously. If I hint at it, they accuse me of "lying for attention."

My husband has left for basic training with the army and will be gone for a few months. I already feel freer, lighter and more able to cope with things. If I leave him while he's away, the social and family repercussions will be devastating. My son and I may be forced to relocate.

I'm torn and afraid. I went through with the marriage only to please my family, as the abuse started before the wedding. It has been a year and a half, and all I can think about is getting out. Help me, please. -- CANADIAN READER

DEAR READER: Of course I will help. Deciding to leave an abusive partner can be wrenching as well as frightening. However, because abuse tends to escalate, it is what you MUST do. Your and your child's safety could depend on it. It is shameful that your family isn't supportive, but don't let that stop you. Relocate if you must.

You need to form an escape plan. The way to do that is to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The phone number is 800-799-7233. Counselors there can refer you to help in your area -- they have done this for other Canadian women. They also offer education and empowerment programs so that victims will be less likely to be sweet-talked by their abusers into returning for more punishment.

Don't wait to reach out because your son's physical and emotional health depend on it. If not for yourself, do it for him.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who lives a few states away. We talk on the phone every week. Either she calls me or I call her. Every time she calls me, it's when she is driving somewhere. As soon as she arrives at her destination or pulls up in her driveway, she says, "I'm home (here) now. Gotta go!" and hangs up.

This has been going on for years. I stay on the phone all the time she rambles on and never cut her short. It's really starting to get to me. What should I do? -- FUMING IN FLORIDA

DEAR FUMING: If this has been happening "for years" and you are just now writing me about it, I'd call that one slow burn. Pick up the phone, call your friend and tell her exactly how you feel about it. If you don't, she'll continue doing what she has been doing because she thinks it's all right with you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a young professional female with a military background. I'm well-educated and have a great job. However, I am also tattooed. The design is a tasteful full sleeve, with some work on my chest and other arm.

I will be attending a black tie affair for my boyfriend's company and am wondering what attire would be appropriate for such an event. I'm not ashamed of my art, and I have no issue with baring my arms, but would this be acceptable in this circumstance? -- FOREVER COVERED

DEAR FOREVER COVERED: I'm glad you asked, because it depends upon what kind of company your boyfriend works for. If it's creative, then to display your body art would not be shocking. However, if the company culture is conservative, it might attract unwelcome attention, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been intimately involved with another woman. Our relationship has been great for the past eight months. There is an immense amount of love and caring for each other. Although we have been together, we do not currently live together.

My problem is she's still living with her ex-husband. They have been separated for 12 years, but circumstances have brought them back into the same residence. I don't have an issue with their "roommate" situation. I have been to their home, have stayed the night and I'm OK with their arrangement.

What I DO take issue with is him introducing himself as her husband. Since I heard him do that, I have been in an uncomfortable state. Am I wrong for feeling this way, or is she wrong for allowing it to happen? -- SEETHING IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SEETHING: Whether this couple has been separated for 12 years or not, they are still legally married. He IS her husband. You may be feeling uncomfortable because you feel like you may be involved in a triangle, and from where I sit, it may be true. It's time to have a frank conversation with your partner to clarify exactly what your role is.

DEAR ABBY: I have been trying to plan my son and future daughter-in-law's rehearsal dinner. The bride originally told me a local pizza place would be fine for the dinner. I insisted that I would like something "nicer," and she said it was up to me.

I have found a place within budget, but have just learned that the bridal shower is being catered by the same place. Is it acceptable for me to have the rehearsal at the same place?

We live in a town with relatively limited options, and there are other important festivities going on that day that limit my options further. Holding the rehearsal dinner at my house would be too stressful. Would it be OK to have it at the same restaurant, but serve different food? -- FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW: Absolutely! And congratulations on the forthcoming happy event.