DEAR ABBY: When I was growing up, I was taught to love animals and I had several. For various reasons I never had to deal with making the decision to put one to sleep.

As I grew older, I realized we don't have the right to "own" living creatures, but we can take care of them. Eventually, my dog became ill and I had to make the choice to put him down. It was heartbreaking, and while I support my local animal shelter, I vowed to never again have another animal I would have to make that decision for.

Now my children are asking me to find a dog for them, and I'm at a loss about what to do. Do I first make them aware that the animal we love will die in some fashion, including that we may have to decide to put him to sleep? Or do I let them have an animal and let them deal with the heartbreak when the time comes? Thanks for your input. -- ANIMAL GUARDIAN IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ANIMAL GUARDIAN: If your children are young, let them enjoy having a pet to love without worrying about the fact that its life span may not be forever. If you do, they will learn about responsible pet ownership in good time, as well as the responsibility that comes when the pet becomes so old or sick that it can no longer enjoy life. While death is a part of life, I don't think that reality should be impressed upon your children now.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married soon, and I am not inviting one of my co-workers, "Darrell," who I know will be hurt. I have looked up to him as an uncle for a few years. We eat lunch together and share gossip, but my fiance and I decided not to invite him even though we are inviting other people from the office.

Darrell was recently arrested for supposedly raping his daughter. He went to court, but the daughter failed to appear, so the charges were dropped. Since then, even though I consider him a friend, I have seen him in a different light.

I know he could be innocent, but my fiance and I do not want him at our wedding around family and kids. I don't know how to tell him he won't be invited. What should I say or not say? -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN THE USA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: I can't think of a polite way to tell someone you're afraid your family members wouldn't be safe around him, and I don't think it will be necessary because Darrell is going to get the picture without anything being said.

It's regrettable that your co-worker didn't have his day in court because at the office it appears he has already been found guilty. It goes without saying that you have to find a luncheon partner and mentor besides Darrell, so be prepared.

DEAR READERS: A happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, and grandmothers who are raising grandchildren. Orchids to you, for the love you give every day. Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and I need help. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend, "Bailey," for six months and things are complicated. She's very insecure, and it's hard to keep her happy for any extended period of time.

I have thought about breaking up with her because I want her to be happy, and the same goes for me. But then I think I'd rather be miserable at times and happy at others and be with her, than end it and possibly feel worse.

Please give me some advice. I love Bailey and I don't know what to do. -- LOST IN ARIZONA

DEAR LOST: Have a talk with Bailey and tell her that although you love her, her insecurity and mood swings make it difficult. If you do, it may give her something to think about. The problem with insecurity is it can eventually drive a boyfriend -- or girlfriend -- away when it becomes smothering.

P.S. There is truth to the saying that you can't MAKE someone happy; happiness has to come from within.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are in our 40s and have been living together for several years. The house we live in is in his name only, and he pays the mortgage.

I own a townhouse I bought before I met him, and I make the payments on it. People often ask us why I don't sell it. I usually give some excuse, but the real reason is, when he drafted his will, he left everything to his mother -- at her insistence.

He seems to think it's too much trouble and expensive to change his will to include me. I want to be sure I have a place to live, so I have kept my townhouse.

Needless to say, our views on this situation differ. What's your opinion? -- HEDGING MY BETS IN TEXAS

DEAR HEDGING: I think you are behaving rationally, because it should be quite clear that your boyfriend wants his assets to go to his mother -- not you -- in the event of his death. I hope you have your townhouse rented and are saving the income, because you may need the money later. That way, if your boyfriend suddenly keels over or the romance sours, you won't be left with nothing but memories.

DEAR ABBY: My niece confided in me that she and her fiance eloped. Her parents are planning her wedding for next month. I tried to advise her to tell her parents, but she still hasn't. She's living at home and her "fiance" lives in a different city.

I don't pretend to understand why they felt like doing this. Should I just sit back while she continues to lie to her parents while they plan on her getting "married" in a month? I'm at a loss.

I wanted to give her a chance to come clean, but because she hasn't, do I intervene? Do I threaten that if she doesn't fess up, I'll spill the beans? Or should I just let her keep heading down the road she's on? -- ANXIOUS AUNT

DEAR ANXIOUS: What do you think you will accomplish by breaking your niece's confidence? If you divulge what she told you, she will never trust you again. I'll give you my advice in four words: Keep your mouth shut.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 27-year-old woman trapped in a loveless marriage. My husband is a few years younger, and very co-dependent. Before he dated me, he had never had a girlfriend or a sexual encounter. I came into the relationship with a child and some trust/fear issues because my ex had abused me.

My husband has now become verbally, sexually and to a lesser degree, physically abusive, to the point of striking my 5-year-old son. I threw him out for that, but caved to pressure from my family to take him back. They think he's a "stabilizing" influence in my life. They don't know about, or can't grasp, his abuse or the abuse I survived previously. If I hint at it, they accuse me of "lying for attention."

My husband has left for basic training with the army and will be gone for a few months. I already feel freer, lighter and more able to cope with things. If I leave him while he's away, the social and family repercussions will be devastating. My son and I may be forced to relocate.

I'm torn and afraid. I went through with the marriage only to please my family, as the abuse started before the wedding. It has been a year and a half, and all I can think about is getting out. Help me, please. -- CANADIAN READER

DEAR READER: Of course I will help. Deciding to leave an abusive partner can be wrenching as well as frightening. However, because abuse tends to escalate, it is what you MUST do. Your and your child's safety could depend on it. It is shameful that your family isn't supportive, but don't let that stop you. Relocate if you must.

You need to form an escape plan. The way to do that is to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The phone number is 800-799-7233. Counselors there can refer you to help in your area -- they have done this for other Canadian women. They also offer education and empowerment programs so that victims will be less likely to be sweet-talked by their abusers into returning for more punishment.

Don't wait to reach out because your son's physical and emotional health depend on it. If not for yourself, do it for him.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who lives a few states away. We talk on the phone every week. Either she calls me or I call her. Every time she calls me, it's when she is driving somewhere. As soon as she arrives at her destination or pulls up in her driveway, she says, "I'm home (here) now. Gotta go!" and hangs up.

This has been going on for years. I stay on the phone all the time she rambles on and never cut her short. It's really starting to get to me. What should I do? -- FUMING IN FLORIDA

DEAR FUMING: If this has been happening "for years" and you are just now writing me about it, I'd call that one slow burn. Pick up the phone, call your friend and tell her exactly how you feel about it. If you don't, she'll continue doing what she has been doing because she thinks it's all right with you.