DEAR ABBY: When spending thousands of dollars to attend a destination wedding, are you expected to give a gift to the bride and groom? -- JENNIFER IN NEW YORK

DEAR JENNIFER: Yes, but after shelling out "thousands" to attend a wedding, it does not have to be an expensive one. A token gift to mark the occasion would be enough.

DEAR ABBY: Our niece "Bonnie" has severe attachment problems. She still lives in her parents' home and is well into her 50s. Her father passed away several years ago, and her mother seems to be her only friend.

Bonnie has never had a serious relationship and has spent her life at one job and with her parents. Vacations and holidays have been spent with them only. Bonnie rarely accepts an invitation unless her mom is invited, does not communicate unless we reach out to her first and is very private about the smallest details in her life.

Her mother is aging and we are wondering how Bonnie will manage once her mom is gone. How do we approach someone who seriously needs help and guidance? -- CARING AUNT IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR CARING AUNT: I can think of two ways. The first would be to discuss this privately with Bonnie's mother and ask if there is anything she would like you to do for her daughter in the event of a serious illness or her death. It is a legitimate question if Bonnie is unable to live independently, and her mother might appreciate that you cared enough to ask.

The second would be to reach out to Bonnie in the event that something does happen to her mother, and let her know that you love her and will be there for her if she needs you. Keep in mind that you cannot force help on anyone who is unwilling to accept it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 11 and in the sixth grade. I am very self-conscious. Every girl in my grade has a bigger chest than me, and I am feeling insecure because mine isn't developed.

I know I am young, but I want to fit in. Every day I feel horrible about myself. Can you help? -- INSECURE 6TH GRADER

DEAR INSECURE: I'll try. No two people are alike, and our bodies do not develop at the same time. For some girls, it happens sooner and they begin to develop breasts as early as age 9. For others, it doesn't happen until they are in their teens.

Your value should not be measured by your chest size. Believe me, the size of your IQ is far more important. The kind of person you are is more important.

Big chests have a way of falling sooner or later. So work on your grades and your personality right now. If you do, in time you'll not only catch up to these girls, you will surpass them in the qualities that matter most. You're fine just the way you are.

DEAR ABBY: After years of carrying this guilt, I want to tell my story. It may help others.

When my grandfather tried to rape me, it was at night when everyone was asleep. I stopped him as much as a 10-year-old could. The next day he wrote me a letter saying he was sorry for what he did. It read, "If your dad finds out, it will KILL HIM." Strong words for a 10-year-old, so I buried the letter in the back yard. He never touched me again.

Five years after that, Grandpa was arrested for molesting my younger brothers. As a young girl, I didn't know men molested boys. I found out after my grandfather went to prison that he had also molested my dad and his sister when they were children.

Please warn parents to educate their children. Tell them that even someone they love does not have the right to touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable.

My dad felt guilty for the rest of his life for what happened to us because he had let this monster back into his life. If this saves one person from the shame and guilt I have carried, it will have been worth it. -- WISH I HAD TOLD IN FLORIDA

DEAR WISH YOU HAD TOLD: I agree with you about the importance of parents teaching children the difference between an appropriate touch and one that isn't, and how to set boundaries. If those boundaries are violated, children should be instructed to immediately tell an adult. If it's not a parent, then tell a teacher, counselor or school nurse, all of whom are mandated reporters. Children should also tell if a friend confides it has happened to him or her, because secrets like this are harmful not only to the victim, but also to any children in the vicinity who might also be at risk.

It may assuage your guilt to know that molesters often blackmail their victim into silence. I heard recently from a woman who said her father told her when she was a child that if she revealed what he was doing, he would kill himself. (It wasn't until many years later that she finally realized if he had, he would have been doing everyone, including her sister, a favor.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and have been dating this guy I really like for three months. He is great.

My biggest setback is his body hair. He honestly has more body hair than I have ever seen. This has kept me from being physically attracted to him.

I think everything is moving in the right direction, but I don't know what to do about this issue. Should I love him how he is, or ask him to get rid of it? I don't want him to feel self-conscious because he's an awesome guy. -- IN A HAIRY SITUATION IN ARIZONA

DEAR IN A HAIRY SITUATION: This is a sensitive subject, one that should be approached with as much diplomacy as you can muster. Because he seems to have everything else going for him, but the body hair is a turn-off, do talk to him about it.

Fortunately, over the past few years men have become more open to removing excessive body hair -- or at least cutting it back so it's not so overwhelming. (This is called "manscaping.") There are also the options of waxing or laser treatments, if he is willing.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a male co-worker, "Bo," who comes to our house occasionally. We have two bathrooms, one of which is in our bedroom. The other is the guest bathroom.

When Bo needs to use the restroom, he goes into our bedroom and uses ours. He never asks; he just goes in, even after I have pointed out the guest bathroom. It creeps me out. I feel like he's invading my personal space, and I think it's rude.

What can I do, since pointing out the guest bathroom hasn't worked? Bo is intimidating. He thinks he can do whatever he wants. Please tell me what I can do. -- CREEPED OUT IN GREENVILLE

DEAR CREEPED OUT: I agree your husband's co-worker's behavior is creepy. If you have medications in your bathroom, you should check to be sure he isn't helping himself to some of them when he visits.

Because you can't seem to convey the message to "Bo the Boor," before his next visit, ask your husband to tell him that guests are supposed to use the guest bathroom. And if that doesn't discourage him, install a lock on your bedroom door.

DEAR ABBY: My 21-year-old daughter, "Alex," and her 6-year-old moved into an apartment with her 18-year-old boyfriend. We had a tough time accepting this, but I make do because I love Alex and want to be part of her life.

My boyfriend of eight years, "Niles," can't accept my daughter's new boyfriend. We were invited over for dinner and Niles refused to go.

How do I handle this? I feel all future events will be strained and I'll be forced to choose between my daughter and Niles. Please advise. -- SAD MOTHER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SAD MOTHER: Tell Niles that if you must choose between him and your daughter, you will choose your daughter. Her romance may -- or may not -- last forever, but your relationship with her will. There is nothing to be gained by punishing her and alienating her young man. If Niles has a problem with that, do not let him make it your problem, too. Continue your relationship with your daughter and see Niles separately.

DEAR ABBY: Today is my 50th birthday. I'm a person with a few close friends, but I'm not widely social.

The members of my book club knew it was my birthday when we met a few days ago. I had mentioned it before our meeting. Nothing was said when we met.

My best friend is going on vacation and hasn't remembered. My husband asked me what plans I had made for us to do today. My sister, bless her, has been wonderful and feels responsible to try to make this day special for me.

Is it really my job to plan a celebration and remind everyone I'm close to? I have talked enough about how important this particular birthday is to me. I'm hurt that no one feels I'm worth the effort. Am I making too big a deal out of this? -- VEXED IN VERMONT

DEAR VEXED: I think so. My dear mother used to say, "If you want something done right, do it yourself!" That's good advice when those around you are too preoccupied to be as nurturing as you would like them to be.