DEAR ABBY: I recently went in on a gift with my friend "Ali" for our other friend, "Gena." Ali offered to purchase and wrap the gift, a nice wallet from an inexpensive store. Imagine my surprise when Ali turned up at Gena's birthday party with the wallet elaborately wrapped in expensive designer paper.

At first, I thought she had spent more of her money and upgraded our gift, but when Gena unwrapped the designer packaging to reveal the original wallet we had selected, I was taken aback. It turned out that Ali had reused the wrapping paper from a gift her husband had given her, disguising our present as something it wasn't.

Gena was clearly disappointed. Other guests who had been eyeing it looked excited at first, then confused. I felt our gift wasn't appreciated and we ended up looking cheap. I was at a loss for words. What would have been the appropriate way to handle the situation? Is this normal gift-wrapping practice, or did Ali cross the line? -- FLABBERGASTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Reusing wrapping paper isn't unusual. Gena's reaction to the gift was inappropriate. Instead of letting her disappointment show, Gena should have smiled and graciously thanked you and Ali for her gift. (Remember the phrase, "It's the thought that counts"?) As for you, all you needed to say was "Happy Birthday!"

DEAR ABBY: With Mother's Day nearly upon us, would you remind your readers that stepmothers are worthy of recognition, too? If one has any regard for the feelings of his or her stepmom, PLEASE make her day by calling or visiting her and telling her how much she means to you. And I don't mean a phone call at 9 p.m.

I married my husband when his sons were in their late teens. Every Mother's Day for 14 years I have been reminded that his sons choose not to recognize me, even though our relationships are very good. (One of them is a stepfather himself.) It's a real heartbreaker, believe me. -- GIVING UP ON WAITING IN OREGON

DEAR GIVING UP ON WAITING: If you think you are the only stepmother who feels unappreciated on Mother's Day, think again. I have heard from many stepmothers who have written letters that are variations on this theme. There can be reasons for it -- the fact that you didn't raise them, fear that it would be somehow disloyal to their birth mother, unresolved relationship issues or just being preoccupied.

If you haven't discussed this with your stepsons, perhaps you should. Or better yet, your husband should. But if that doesn't solve the problem, for your own sake, stop brooding about it and direct your attention elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: For the last few years my family has rented the same beach condo. My friend "John" and his family have joined us there on many occasions. When I asked him his vacation plans for this year, he informed me last night that he has rented the beach condo for the same weeks we have historically occupied it.

I was floored. I think a more appropriate approach would have been for him to have called me first and expressed his interest in renting it, but he should not have rented the unit if it conflicted with our vacation plans. I understand the free marketplace -- first-come, first-served -- but I can't help feeling he undercut me. -- CONFUSED IN A TENT AT THE BEACH

DEAR CONFUSED: Your feeling is 100 percent accurate. That weasel DID undercut you, and real friends don't act that way. Now that you know what he's capable of, contact the landlord and make a long-term deal in advance if you want that unit in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am a lonely 83-year-old woman. All I want is someone to love me, preferably a handsome, wealthy man who will spoil me. I have spent my entire life making other people happy, and now all I want is some happiness back. I mean, can't an older woman get some loving, too?

I have been told I'm charming. I have the laugh of an angel, a full head of blond/gray hair and a slim figure. I would like a man (preferably in his elderly years) who is lonely and needs some company. And also someone who wants to spend his savings on me. Abby, help me find my soul mate. -- WAITING FOR "GOT-DOUGH"

DEAR WAITING: Why do I suspect this letter may have been written by a group of sorority sisters after a few drinks? However, just in case it's actually on the level, your "want ad" has now been viewed by millions of Dear Abby readers worldwide, and I'm sure we will hear from many applicants who are eager to be "The One." Let's hope none of them write from "Scam-dinavia."

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law is having a baby. My mother and I told her we would have a shower for her. She registered at a local store for baby gifts, let us start planning the shower, and then informed us that she would not be opening gifts at the party. My son has sided with her. He said he didn't know her reason, but felt like it was no big deal.

Why would she act that way? We think it's peculiar. The shower has now been canceled at her request. -- MYSTIFIED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MYSTIFIED: Your daughter-in-law may have been trying to be considerate of any guests -- possibly members of her family -- whose gifts might not have been as expensive as those purchased or crafted by other guests. Or she may have felt self-conscious about being the center of attention.

While I agree that one of the pleasures of attending a shower is seeing the expression of joy on the mother-to-be's face as the presents are unwrapped, look at it this way: Because the shower is canceled, your problem is solved. Now forget about it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband tends to be a major clutterbug. We had an argument last night about him storing a set of encyclopedias. My argument is that we have never used them and never will, since they are "dinosaurs" in today's modern world. Any information can be looked up digitally.

He was given these encyclopedias by his grandparents, so he feels they have a "deeper meaning." Although he has never once used them, he says they make the bookshelf look nicer. We recently got rid of the bookshelf and now he wants to store them in our already cluttered attic.

His plan is to pass them on to our child or grandchildren. I don't think they would want to inherit them, as they take up so much space and there are more efficient ways to find information. Please help. -- FRUSTRATED WIFE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR WIFE: The encyclopedias DO have a deeper meaning for your husband that almost surely has less to do with "looking nice on a bookshelf" than their sentimental value. They symbolize the love his grandparents had for him, as well as the idea that he can pass an heirloom down to the next generations.

Please relent about boxing them up and making room for them in the attic. At some point, your husband will probably arrive at the same conclusion that you have -- after they have been refused by the progeny for whom he has been saving them. And try to hang on to your sense of humor, because this isn't worth arguing over.

DEAR ABBY: What should someone do when gifts received via mail or UPS have been damaged in transit? We have received some ceramic objects for Christmas in the last two years. Both were packed and sent by the givers.

My wife would rather remain silent about the damage to avoid the appearance that a replacement is expected. I contend that the damage should be mentioned and that no replacement is necessary when writing the thank-you note, or even that certain gifts should be avoided in the future. Otherwise, the sender has no way of knowing that a better packaging job is necessary. Also, there may be some (insurance) recourse with the carrier. -- "BUSTED" IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR "BUSTED": I agree with you to a point. The giver should be thanked, and the fact that the gift arrived damaged should be mentioned. It's smart to insure packages before sending, so if the contents are damaged, there will be compensation. But even if they weren't insured, the sender should be informed that the gift arrived broken, so the next time precautions can be taken before the item is shipped.

However, I do not agree with stating that in the future such gifts should be avoided because it would imply the gift was unwelcome or inappropriate.