DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old daughter was married last year. We gave her a formal church wedding. Of the 100 guests invited, several were longtime co-workers, who took the time to purchase lovely gifts and travel two hours to the wedding. Some also gave cash gifts.

My daughter still hasn't sent out thank-you cards. I see my co-workers week after week, and I'm humiliated. I have mentioned it to my daughter several times, but she says it's too late to send them now. Abby, we raised her better than this. Every time I say anything about it, she gives me an argument.

Please help. This eats away at me every day. Should I take the reins and send a short letter of apology to these dear co-workers? -- TORN UP IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN UP: A note of apology from you would ease the embarrassment you feel facing your co-workers, but it won't put your daughter in a better light.

All you can do is remind her that a woman old enough to marry should be mature enough to write thank-you notes. And no law says her husband can't pitch in and help. They are equally responsible, and failure to acknowledge any gift reflects poorly on them both.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Vinny," and I were married 11 years when he left me for another woman. Eight months later he decided the grass wasn't greener on that side of the fence and came back. Our marriage is better now than it was before the affair.

Seven months later his younger brother "Nicky" got divorced and moved in with us. A short while after that, Vinny and Nicky joined a band.

It has been a year now, and my brother-in-law is still here. I am more than ready for him to move out, but every time I mention it, Vinny says Nicky has "just" gone through a divorce and "we're all he has."

I hate all the time Vinny devotes to the band. I try not to complain because I know how much he enjoys it, but I'm miserable. They practice in our basement on Mondays and Wednesdays, and every Friday and Saturday night is spent performing.

I have no privacy! How do I get Nicky out of here? Should I push the issue with the band or let it go? My parents are furious with Vinny. They say he's reliving his childhood, Nicky is taking advantage and Vinny is taking me for granted. Can you offer some advice? -- HURTING IN NEW YORK

DEAR HURTING: Your brother-in-law should have been out of your house a month after he moved in. Tell Vinny you've had it with this experiment in communal living, set an exit date for Nicky and stick to it. If your husband refuses to listen to reason, then he is sending you a strong message that your wishes are not important.

As for Vinny's participation in the band, he and the other band members must be talented or they wouldn't be booked every Friday and Saturday night. Look at the bright side: When they're rehearsing in your basement, at least you know where your husband is and what he's doing. Marriage is a compromise, so learn to enjoy the music, but cultivate interests and hobbies of your own.

And last but not least, stop involving your parents in your problems. You're a big girl now. If you don't tell all, they'll have fewer negative feelings about your husband.

DEAR ABBY: A childhood friend of mine died from cervical cancer. "Katy" died because she didn't go to her OB/GYN for annual Pap smears.

She was a beautiful, intelligent, talented wife and mother who was responsible in every other way. Katy simply couldn't face a pelvic exam because throughout her childhood she had been molested by her father. I know it's true, because her father molested me, too.

Katy's doctor told her that had it been caught in the early stages, her cancer would have been curable. She hadn't been to see her OB/GYN since her last child was born nine years before. Because of what her father did to her, she was unable to allow anyone other than her husband to touch her.

Abby, my friend suffered during the time between her diagnosis and her death. She fought to stay alive for her husband and children, whom she loved with all her heart. But in the end, cancer took her, and her family will suffer for years to come.

PLEASE remind every woman and sexually active teenage girl about the importance of a yearly exam. Those who feel they can't deal with the exams should force themselves to talk to their OB/GYN and explain their fear. Otherwise, the sexual predators win again. I think they should be held accountable for the deaths for which they are ultimately responsible. -- SICK OF MOLESTERS

DEAR SICK OF MOLESTERS: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your friend. She won't have died in vain if women of every age heed your message about the importance of regular pelvic examinations, which should start as soon as a girl becomes sexually active.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband, "Henry," for 25 years, and he refuses to call me by name. He doesn't call me anything -- certainly no terms of endearment. He just calls out or starts talking. He addresses our daughter's relatives, our neighbors and even our dog by name -- but refuses to say mine.

I have mentioned to Henry many times how deeply hurt and resentful it makes me feel. He admits it's a problem, but refuses to get help because "he doesn't believe in counseling."

I know things could be worse. I'm not abused physically, but I feel mentally abused. I find it hard living as a nobody. Can you give me an insight on how to cope with this? -- NAMELESS IN SOUTH NEW JERSEY

DEAR NAMELESS: What Henry has been doing is called "passive aggression." It's a pattern of behavior that can occur in a variety of contexts. In your case, it's consistently failing to do something he knows would please you, the absence of which he is fully aware is hurtful. He refuses counseling because he knows a counselor will call him on it.

This does not, however, mean that YOU shouldn't have some counseling. Once you have recognized Henry's behavior for exactly what it is, you must then ask yourself why you have tolerated it for a quarter of a century, whether there are other things wrong in your marriage and if this is the way you want to live the next 25 years of your life.

DEAR ABBY: Helping a parent or other adult relative handle their finances and health care can be a challenging gift to give. You want to honor their wishes and respect their boundaries, while at the same time acting in their best interest. But it can be hard to know where to begin and whom to trust, and you always wonder if you're forgetting something.

To help your readers carry out this important role, the Federal Citizen Information Center created the free Family Caregivers Kit. It features publications from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau that explain how to manage a loved one's money and protect seniors from scams. And it also contains publications from the FDA's Office of Women's Health to keep track of medications and learn to use them safely. The kit is full of practical tips that give caregivers the confidence they need to manage a loved one's affairs.

Abby, thanks for sharing the free Family Caregivers Kit. From one daughter to another, you know how important it is to stand up and support family members through life's challenges. -- SARAH CRANE, ACTING DIRECTOR, FEDERAL CITIZEN INFORMATION CENTER

DEAR MS. CRANE: Thank you for offering this important information to my readers. It is important because accepting this kind of responsibility should not be done without fully understanding what it will entail. The publications you sent to me -- and will send to my readers -- provide an illuminating overview of the responsibilities involved.

Readers, this year's packet is not to be missed, particularly if you have aging relatives or a friend who may need you to handle his/her affairs, even for a short period of time.

These booklets are offered free of charge and include the "Managing Someone Else's Money" series of publications, which cover Power of Attorney and Managing Trusts, Property and Benefits. They are written in plain English and are in an easy-to-understand format.

Also included is a pamphlet on using medications wisely. Did you know that 125,000 people die each year because they didn't take their medication as directed -- and many more get sick because they didn't properly follow the directions on the label? (I didn't.) Another pamphlet shares information on recognizing and avoiding health scams, so you and your loved ones can watch out for miracle devices and cures that really ARE too good to be true.

But wait! There's more ... You will also receive a copy of the 2014 Consumer Action Handbook, which contains not only information you need to make the best decisions about what you buy and the service providers you use, but also a sample complaint letter to help you get results.

To order this free kit, go to promotions.usa.gov/dearabby. You can also order the kit by calling 888-878-3256 weekdays 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern time, or by writing: Family Caregivers Kit, Pueblo, CO 81009. Every household in the country should have this information on hand "just in case," so order a kit for yourself and more to share. -- LOVE, ABBY