DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Todd," and I just became engaged and are starting to plan our wedding. The problem is his father is remarried to a terrible woman. Todd grew up with her, but he can't stand her, and I feel the same way.

I gave her a chance, but she got drunk -- something she does often -- and insulted my mother. Obviously, my mother and Todd are my priorities.

Todd and I do not want her at our wedding because we're afraid she'll get drunk and make a scene, but how do we manage that? How do we make it clear that we love his dad and want him there, but his wife is not welcome? -- NERVOUS BRIDE-TO-BE IN FLORIDA

DEAR NERVOUS: You and Todd should talk to his father and express your concerns that his wife's unpredictable behavior could ruin your wedding. Ask how he thinks this should be handled. He may agree to attend alone or choose to skip the wedding. He could also promise you that if his wife gets loaded and becomes disruptive, he will escort her out of there immediately. (Suggest it to him if he's unwilling to come without her.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing my boyfriend for five months. He still has some of his ex-girlfriend's lingerie in his dresser. When we first got involved, he showed it to me and asked if I wanted any. I said no thanks.

Now that I'm more invested in the relationship, I'd like him to get rid of it. He is currently out of town, traveling for a month. Would it be inappropriate for me to throw away these "trinkets" without consulting him? -- SETTING BOUNDARIES IN ARIZONA

DEAR SETTING BOUNDARIES: Yes, I think it would be inappropriate. Although your boyfriend will probably tell you to go ahead and get rid of it if it bothers you, it would be more respectful if you clear it with him first.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently told by a neighbor that if he wasn't married, he would make a pass at me. It made me feel kind of bad, especially the next day when I saw his wife.

My niece said I shouldn't feel bad because it was a compliment and I should be glad I still attract attention at 60. My feeling is, if you think about it -- it's infidelity.

Am I wrong or too stringent in my thinking? -- OLD-FASHIONED LADY IN OREGON

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: I think what your neighbor said was less "infidelity" than "lust in his heart." But in a sense, he did make a pass because when he said what he did, he signaled to you that he could be interested.

Cut him some slack this time and chalk it up to having been paid a compliment. But if he says it again, tell him it bothers you because you like his wife and think it's insulting to her.

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Undeserving Title of Mommy" (March 4), the pregnant woman who was saddened by the fact that she's expecting a baby boy instead of the girl she had hoped for, my heart went out to her. I was reminded of something I had read about, a condition called gender depression or gender disappointment.

In the cursory search I did, it was almost always described as what this mother seems to be feeling -- disappointment, sadness, guilt, etc. Unfortunately, this condition isn't widely discussed, in much the same way that postpartum depression isn't talked about. However, from what I've discovered, the writer is far from the only woman to experience this.

Many women describe their feelings about gender disappointment on parenting websites. This may be a good start, opening a discussion for this woman on what she is feeling. She should also consider talking to her doctor to find out what resources may be available to her as she works through this.

I hope she finds the help she needs. I wish her well. -- CONCERNED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR CONCERNED: Thank you for the suggestion. Many women sympathized with "Undeserving." Read on for more responses:

DEAR ABBY: I have a son, and when I was carrying him, I felt the same way. I didn't think I could love him like I could love a daughter. I didn't tell anyone about my feelings and I, too, felt like a monster.

But this all changed once I held my son for the first time. I can't imagine now living without my little guy, and I wouldn't change him for the world.

"Undeserving" is not alone. Many women feel this way about having a son. Like Abby said, don't rush into signing any papers, because you may find that when you hold him for the first time, you will fall in love and you would deeply regret having done so. -- UNDERSTANDING MOM

DEAR ABBY: "Undeserving Mommy," you are so lucky to be the mother of a prince. Every princess dreams of marrying a prince. You need to reread the fairy tales and get some counseling. -- GRANDMOTHER OF PRINCESSES AND PRINCE CHARMING

DEAR ABBY: You should have also advised that woman that before she has four children -- princes or princesses -- she should get an education, a job and a husband so society won't have to support her little "kingdom." Too many children have no father figure to help raise them. I spent my working life striving to educate my children, and achieving that goal is much more difficult when there aren't two loving parents to share the job. -- FRED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ABBY: Even if that child was another girl, there is no guarantee that she would be a girly-girl; she could easily be a tomboy, gay or prefer sports to tea parties. There is also no guarantee that the little girl "Undeserving" already has will be a girly-girl.

Abby, you were right to advise counseling. This unwed mother shows disturbing signs of living in a fantasy world. And it may well be that the precious baby boy she is expecting would be better off being raised by the father and his family. -- JANE IN ST. JOHNS, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: I met a guy four months ago. Our relationship is new and pretty casual for the most part. We like each other's company and spend nights together, but when we're intimate, he keeps his clothes on -- boxers and all. He is only 26, but he has told me about past relationships, so I know he has had experience.

Over the past two years he has lost almost 100 pounds. He looks great now -- healthy and toned. I have seen him get in and out of the shower. (I noticed a little excess skin on his stomach, but not much.) It's really weird. I don't feel comfortable taking my own clothes off when he doesn't.

This isn't exactly a deal breaker for me, as I obviously am attracted to him. I just would like him to be comfortable with me. Should I address this with him, and if so, how? Or should I just leave it be for now? -- AWKWARD SITUATION IN GEORGIA

DEAR AWKWARD: It's apparent that he still has body issues having to do with his extreme weight loss. If you know him well enough to spend nights at his house, you should be able to communicate with him about sex on a mature level and tell him the experience would be more satisfying for you if there was less between you when you are in his arms.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I work full time. We are trying to save for our wedding and a deposit for a house. The trouble is, after paying rent, bills and day-to-day expenses, we are left with next to nothing.

I played poker when I was in college, which generated a nice income during my late teens and early 20s. A few months back, I decided to pick it up again and found a group of people who like to play. Since then, I have been playing four hours two or three nights a week, and it has generated an extra monthly income of $1,000 to $1,500. Our finances have improved a lot.

There are nights my fiancee wants me to stay home. She says if I had a part-time job, she would understand why I couldn't stay home on the days she asked. But to me, poker IS a part-time job, and it pays more than anything else I could find in this area. I play the same set schedule every week, so she should know what nights I need to go in to "work." What do you say? -- ALL-IN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ALL-IN: You appear to be a skillful card player or a very lucky one. Assuming that the games in which you are participating are legal, I see nothing wrong with what you're doing. Because your fiancee feels lonely when you're not with her, suggest that she do something with friends or take up a hobby. After all, you're doing this for the both of you, aren't you? And this "part-time job" isn't going to be forever.