DEAR ABBY: I am pregnant with my third child. There has been a large gap between baby No. 2 and baby No. 3. With my second child, my husband and I were just starting out and used hand-me-downs. But now we are established and can purchase items to suit our preferences.

Many well-meaning family members and friends have started inundating us with hand-me-downs (some ask first; others are just dropping things off). I really don't want any of these items. However, I don't want to seem ungrateful or rude because the well-wishers seem so excited to give me these things. The way I was raised, I have a hard time turning down offers such as these. How do I kindly tell these people I don't want their hand-me-downs? -- CONFLICTED IN PHILLY

DEAR CONFLICTED: Thank the donors warmly for their thoughtfulness and generosity, and say you already have all the things you need for the new baby. It is not necessary to allude to the fact they are "hand-me-downs." If the person insists on giving them to you anyway, donate them to a charity such as a homeless shelter. (Warning: To avoid possible hurt feelings, do NOT include them in a yard sale.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and a junior in high school. My family has recently been hit with hard times. We lost our home and are living in a motel, and I am struggling with depression. I haven't attended school since last September. However, I am feeling well enough to the point where I'd like to start attending school again.

I would be willing to take more than six periods and, if necessary, I would be willing to attend summer school. I want to graduate from high school, but I don't know if that's possible.

My mother has never been OK with any decisions I have made, so I don't know how to tell her. I don't want to disappoint her, but I do want to do this. Any advice you are willing to give would be appreciated! -- ANONYMOUS GIRL

DEAR GIRL: You are clearly an intelligent young woman, and your determination to finish school is something that should be supported by all of the adults in your life. If possible, go back to the school you were attending and talk with a counselor or the principal about your family's circumstances -- including your struggle with depression. Whether you can resume studies at your former school may depend upon whether the motel you're staying in is within the district. But a counselor should be able to help you to transfer if that becomes necessary.

I wish you the best of luck. Your mother should be proud of you because I certainly am.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing my boyfriend for five months. He still has some of his ex-girlfriend's lingerie in his dresser. When we first got involved, he showed it to me and asked if I wanted any. I said no thanks.

Now that I'm more invested in the relationship, I'd like him to get rid of it. He is currently out of town, traveling for a month. Would it be inappropriate for me to throw away these "trinkets" without consulting him? -- SETTING BOUNDARIES IN ARIZONA

DEAR SETTING BOUNDARIES: Yes, I think it would be inappropriate. Although your boyfriend will probably tell you to go ahead and get rid of it if it bothers you, it would be more respectful if you clear it with him first.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently told by a neighbor that if he wasn't married, he would make a pass at me. It made me feel kind of bad, especially the next day when I saw his wife.

My niece said I shouldn't feel bad because it was a compliment and I should be glad I still attract attention at 60. My feeling is, if you think about it -- it's infidelity.

Am I wrong or too stringent in my thinking? -- OLD-FASHIONED LADY IN OREGON

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: I think what your neighbor said was less "infidelity" than "lust in his heart." But in a sense, he did make a pass because when he said what he did, he signaled to you that he could be interested.

Cut him some slack this time and chalk it up to having been paid a compliment. But if he says it again, tell him it bothers you because you like his wife and think it's insulting to her.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Todd," and I just became engaged and are starting to plan our wedding. The problem is his father is remarried to a terrible woman. Todd grew up with her, but he can't stand her, and I feel the same way.

I gave her a chance, but she got drunk -- something she does often -- and insulted my mother. Obviously, my mother and Todd are my priorities.

Todd and I do not want her at our wedding because we're afraid she'll get drunk and make a scene, but how do we manage that? How do we make it clear that we love his dad and want him there, but his wife is not welcome? -- NERVOUS BRIDE-TO-BE IN FLORIDA

DEAR NERVOUS: You and Todd should talk to his father and express your concerns that his wife's unpredictable behavior could ruin your wedding. Ask how he thinks this should be handled. He may agree to attend alone or choose to skip the wedding. He could also promise you that if his wife gets loaded and becomes disruptive, he will escort her out of there immediately. (Suggest it to him if he's unwilling to come without her.)

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Undeserving Title of Mommy" (March 4), the pregnant woman who was saddened by the fact that she's expecting a baby boy instead of the girl she had hoped for, my heart went out to her. I was reminded of something I had read about, a condition called gender depression or gender disappointment.

In the cursory search I did, it was almost always described as what this mother seems to be feeling -- disappointment, sadness, guilt, etc. Unfortunately, this condition isn't widely discussed, in much the same way that postpartum depression isn't talked about. However, from what I've discovered, the writer is far from the only woman to experience this.

Many women describe their feelings about gender disappointment on parenting websites. This may be a good start, opening a discussion for this woman on what she is feeling. She should also consider talking to her doctor to find out what resources may be available to her as she works through this.

I hope she finds the help she needs. I wish her well. -- CONCERNED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR CONCERNED: Thank you for the suggestion. Many women sympathized with "Undeserving." Read on for more responses:

DEAR ABBY: I have a son, and when I was carrying him, I felt the same way. I didn't think I could love him like I could love a daughter. I didn't tell anyone about my feelings and I, too, felt like a monster.

But this all changed once I held my son for the first time. I can't imagine now living without my little guy, and I wouldn't change him for the world.

"Undeserving" is not alone. Many women feel this way about having a son. Like Abby said, don't rush into signing any papers, because you may find that when you hold him for the first time, you will fall in love and you would deeply regret having done so. -- UNDERSTANDING MOM

DEAR ABBY: "Undeserving Mommy," you are so lucky to be the mother of a prince. Every princess dreams of marrying a prince. You need to reread the fairy tales and get some counseling. -- GRANDMOTHER OF PRINCESSES AND PRINCE CHARMING

DEAR ABBY: You should have also advised that woman that before she has four children -- princes or princesses -- she should get an education, a job and a husband so society won't have to support her little "kingdom." Too many children have no father figure to help raise them. I spent my working life striving to educate my children, and achieving that goal is much more difficult when there aren't two loving parents to share the job. -- FRED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ABBY: Even if that child was another girl, there is no guarantee that she would be a girly-girl; she could easily be a tomboy, gay or prefer sports to tea parties. There is also no guarantee that the little girl "Undeserving" already has will be a girly-girl.

Abby, you were right to advise counseling. This unwed mother shows disturbing signs of living in a fantasy world. And it may well be that the precious baby boy she is expecting would be better off being raised by the father and his family. -- JANE IN ST. JOHNS, MICH.