DEAR ABBY: I recently took my children to spend a week with my mother-in-law, "Bea." Three days after we arrived, my husband flew in to join us. The next day, Bea handed me a hotel room key and told me to take as many of the children as I wanted, but I could not take my husband because she never gets to spend time with him!

I told Bea I was offended, and that I should not have been invited if it wasn't a "family" trip. As I was packing to leave, my mother-in-law left and spent the rest of our visit in the hotel herself while my family and I stayed at her home.

My husband has now told me that I will not be "allowed" to visit her again, and when she visits us next, it will be just him and the kids because I make his mother "uncomfortable." Must I stay away as he says, or should I pursue keeping myself included when they visit my mother-in-law? -- MOM OF FOUR IN MARYLAND

DEAR MOM OF FOUR: Did this happen out of the blue, or have you always had a strained relationship with your husband's mother? (I'm guessing it's the latter.) If so, why?

If the genesis of this is something you have said or done, and you can't mend fences, then perhaps it would be better if you made other plans while Bea visits. If it isn't, then face it: You married a mama's boy, and for that you have my sympathy.

Were I in your shoes, rather than inflict my presence on "Queen Bea," I'd grab the chance to treat myself to a well-earned vacation when the "lady" is in town -- and ditto when your husband and the kids go to visit Granny. Check into a spa and let yourself have a good time!

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year old boy who loves to play baseball and football. Because of my hard work and dedication over the years, along with the help of my coaches and my dad, I'm pretty good at both sports.

The issue is, my mom does not support me and repeatedly tells me I'm not good at either one. When she says it, it cuts my heart out.

My parents have been divorced since I was 2, and Dad has always done everything for me. Even though he gives me encouragement, it still stings when Mom tells me I'm not good. She constantly says negative and bad things about my dad that I know are not true, but when I defend him she goes crazy with rage. What can I do to get her to stop being so negative? -- VERY DISCOURAGED IN TEXAS

DEAR VERY DISCOURAGED: Your letter made me sad because there is nothing you can do to make your mother change her attitude. She appears to be an angry and unhappy person, who may perceive your closeness with your father as a threat to her. What you CAN do is stop placing so much importance on receiving her approval. If your coach thinks you're doing well, and these sports bring you a sense of closeness with your father, then you should enjoy them for those reasons.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and a junior in high school. My family has recently been hit with hard times. We lost our home and are living in a motel, and I am struggling with depression. I haven't attended school since last September. However, I am feeling well enough to the point where I'd like to start attending school again.

I would be willing to take more than six periods and, if necessary, I would be willing to attend summer school. I want to graduate from high school, but I don't know if that's possible.

My mother has never been OK with any decisions I have made, so I don't know how to tell her. I don't want to disappoint her, but I do want to do this. Any advice you are willing to give would be appreciated! -- ANONYMOUS GIRL

DEAR GIRL: You are clearly an intelligent young woman, and your determination to finish school is something that should be supported by all of the adults in your life. If possible, go back to the school you were attending and talk with a counselor or the principal about your family's circumstances -- including your struggle with depression. Whether you can resume studies at your former school may depend upon whether the motel you're staying in is within the district. But a counselor should be able to help you to transfer if that becomes necessary.

I wish you the best of luck. Your mother should be proud of you because I certainly am.

DEAR ABBY: I am pregnant with my third child. There has been a large gap between baby No. 2 and baby No. 3. With my second child, my husband and I were just starting out and used hand-me-downs. But now we are established and can purchase items to suit our preferences.

Many well-meaning family members and friends have started inundating us with hand-me-downs (some ask first; others are just dropping things off). I really don't want any of these items. However, I don't want to seem ungrateful or rude because the well-wishers seem so excited to give me these things. The way I was raised, I have a hard time turning down offers such as these. How do I kindly tell these people I don't want their hand-me-downs? -- CONFLICTED IN PHILLY

DEAR CONFLICTED: Thank the donors warmly for their thoughtfulness and generosity, and say you already have all the things you need for the new baby. It is not necessary to allude to the fact they are "hand-me-downs." If the person insists on giving them to you anyway, donate them to a charity such as a homeless shelter. (Warning: To avoid possible hurt feelings, do NOT include them in a yard sale.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing my boyfriend for five months. He still has some of his ex-girlfriend's lingerie in his dresser. When we first got involved, he showed it to me and asked if I wanted any. I said no thanks.

Now that I'm more invested in the relationship, I'd like him to get rid of it. He is currently out of town, traveling for a month. Would it be inappropriate for me to throw away these "trinkets" without consulting him? -- SETTING BOUNDARIES IN ARIZONA

DEAR SETTING BOUNDARIES: Yes, I think it would be inappropriate. Although your boyfriend will probably tell you to go ahead and get rid of it if it bothers you, it would be more respectful if you clear it with him first.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently told by a neighbor that if he wasn't married, he would make a pass at me. It made me feel kind of bad, especially the next day when I saw his wife.

My niece said I shouldn't feel bad because it was a compliment and I should be glad I still attract attention at 60. My feeling is, if you think about it -- it's infidelity.

Am I wrong or too stringent in my thinking? -- OLD-FASHIONED LADY IN OREGON

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: I think what your neighbor said was less "infidelity" than "lust in his heart." But in a sense, he did make a pass because when he said what he did, he signaled to you that he could be interested.

Cut him some slack this time and chalk it up to having been paid a compliment. But if he says it again, tell him it bothers you because you like his wife and think it's insulting to her.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Todd," and I just became engaged and are starting to plan our wedding. The problem is his father is remarried to a terrible woman. Todd grew up with her, but he can't stand her, and I feel the same way.

I gave her a chance, but she got drunk -- something she does often -- and insulted my mother. Obviously, my mother and Todd are my priorities.

Todd and I do not want her at our wedding because we're afraid she'll get drunk and make a scene, but how do we manage that? How do we make it clear that we love his dad and want him there, but his wife is not welcome? -- NERVOUS BRIDE-TO-BE IN FLORIDA

DEAR NERVOUS: You and Todd should talk to his father and express your concerns that his wife's unpredictable behavior could ruin your wedding. Ask how he thinks this should be handled. He may agree to attend alone or choose to skip the wedding. He could also promise you that if his wife gets loaded and becomes disruptive, he will escort her out of there immediately. (Suggest it to him if he's unwilling to come without her.)