DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced, single woman in my 50s. I love my grandchildren dearly but am faced with a dilemma. I work full-time and take my grandchildren some nights and on the one day I have off -- usually on weekends.

I can't plan things on a weekend without feeling I have made it difficult for my son and his wife to find someone to watch their children. Her mom, a stay-at-home wife, watches them several days a week.

I want to continue spending time with my grandkids, but I also want the freedom to be there when I choose to be. I realize finding a sitter you can afford and trust to watch your children is a challenge. I have tried talking to my son, but it doesn't seem to get through to him. I know I need to do something, but what? I'm afraid I won't see the kids at all if I take a stand. -- LADY ON THE LAKE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LADY: Check your calendar and plan some time for yourself -- one or two weekends a month. Then tell your son and his wife which ones you will be AVAILABLE. Free baby-sitting services are hard to come by, and you are not giving yourself enough credit. If the unspoken threat is that it's "all or nothing," then, frankly, you should step back further and let your son and daughter-in-law shoulder even more responsibility for the children they brought into this world.

DEAR ABBY: I just found out my husband was arrested for being with a hooker. My in-laws (whom I love and adore) bailed him out of jail. No one said a word about it to me. I don't know how to confront all of them with the fact that I know about this "dirty little secret." What should I do? -- BETRAYED WIFE

DEAR BETRAYED: First, visit your gynecologist and ask to be tested for every STD known to man. Then invite your in-laws to a "family dinner," tell them the cat is out of the bag and ask why this was kept from you. And while you're at it, ask your mother-in-law (whom you love and adore) how SHE would feel if your father-in-law had possibly exposed her to an STD and it had been kept from her. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

DEAR ABBY: I'll bet this is an issue in many homes. When my son "Chet" graduated from high school, we gave him a very nice graduation party, which included his friends and family. He received many gifts.

I gave my son thank-you cards, stamps, and a detailed list of whom to send the cards to. So far, he has refused. Chet is normally thoughtful and considerate. I don't know what to do. I'm embarrassed by his lack of gratitude. I have told him we have received thank-yous from his friends and that the cards can be brief. Should I send the thank-you notes myself, or just let it go? -- EMBARRASSED MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MOM: If the amount of mail I receive from readers complaining that their gifts are not acknowledged is an accurate barometer, your problem is very common. Without being confrontational, ask your son why he refuses to thank the people who gave him gifts. If the answer is he doesn't know what to say and he's embarrassed that he has procrastinated, offer to help him by making suggestions. You're right; the thank-yous don't have to be lengthy. But DO NOT write them for him. Chet is a big boy and the responsibility is his.

DEAR ABBY: More and more of my friends are trying to work and take care of parents who have Alzheimer's disease. One of my closest friends' husbands was recently diagnosed with it. He is only 62. I thought Alzheimer's was only memory loss, but it seems like so much more. His personality has changed. She tells me he gets angry with her when she tries to help him.

What exactly is Alzheimer's, and what can be done to stop it? -- UNSURE IN OAK PARK, ILLINOIS

DEAR UNSURE: I'm sorry to say -- from personal experience -- that Alzheimer's disease, while often thought of as "minor memory loss," is a disease that is ultimately fatal. Its cause is not yet understood. I lost my mother to it. Alzheimer's kills nerve cells and tissue in the brain, causing it to shrink dramatically. It affects a person's ability to communicate, to think and, eventually, to breathe. At least 44 million people worldwide are now living with Alzheimer's disease and other dementias. As our populations age, those numbers will swell to 76 million by 2030.

Currently there is no way to prevent, stop or even to slow the progression of Alzheimer's disease. Some drugs manage the symptoms, but only temporarily. This is why more funding for Alzheimer's and more support for the families who are caring for loved ones who have it are so urgently needed. Please suggest to your friend that she contact the Alzheimer's Association for help because it offers support groups for spouses.

Readers, June is Alzheimer's and Brain Awareness Month. If you are concerned about Alzheimer's disease -- and we all should be -- you can get involved by joining the global fight against this very nasty disease. To learn more, visit alz.org/abam.

DEAR ABBY: I'm currently dating a man who is 10 years older than I am. I'm 24; he's 34. We have known each other for two years and we live together. He has two beautiful daughters I adore.

His older daughter, "Pearl" (age 12), called me "Mom" the other night, and then asked me if it was OK. I'm not their mother, and I would never try to take that role away from my boyfriend's ex, but this puts me in an awkward situation. As much as I love his girls, I don't want to cause drama or have Pearl get in trouble with her mother. -- SHE CALLED ME MOM

DEAR CALLED ME MOM: Talk to Pearl. Tell her you were touched knowing she feels that way about you and deeply flattered when she called you "Mom," but you feel if her mother knew about it that she would be hurt. (This is especially true if the girls live with their mother.) Then ask Pearl to come up with another affectionate name for you, or suggest one to her.

DEAR ABBY: I suffered a serious accident at work and have endured numerous surgeries, with another on the horizon. Because the injuries are in the cervical and lumbar areas, they are not visible.

Last week, I parked my car in a handicapped spot in the supermarket parking lot. Having a proper tag on my license plate, I didn't think twice about it. As I entered the store, a woman who had parked nearby started shouting at me, saying I shouldn't have parked where I did. I indicated she should read my plate, to which she then replied that I was "phony" for taking advantage of the system. I imagine she thought this because I was walking unaided that day.

Abby, please inform your readers that not all injuries are visible and not to assume that someone is taking advantage because he or she doesn't meet your expectations of how a disabled person "should" appear. -- HURTING IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HURTING: Gladly. This subject has appeared in my column before. You are correct that not all disabilities are visible. One that comes to mind would be a heart problem that prevents a patient from walking long distances. Another would be multiple sclerosis.

Readers, if you are concerned that someone is gaming the system, rather than confront the person, write down the license number of the car with the handicap plate and inform the Department of Motor Vehicles. If you are correct, the authorities will be interested in that information. And if you are not, you won't have caused someone who already has problems additional distress.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Gilbert" for more than 30 years. We have always managed to resolve our differences in a relatively short time, but this time I'm not too sure.

Our son was married last weekend, and because we're of Celtic heritage, I chose to wear a beautiful dress from Ireland. Because it has short sleeves I brought a shawl to keep warm. When I asked my husband why he never said I looked nice, he replied he didn't know whether I looked nice because he "couldn't see me under that damned blanket!"

I was stunned. I wore the shawl only when I was near the door because it was cold there. I danced with him and several others many times and didn't have it on then. I must have told Gil at least 20 times how handsome he looked, and so did everyone else. The shawl may have been a little big on me because I am only 5 feet tall and weigh 95 pounds. But I didn't think I looked hideous.

I'm hurt over his remark, and we haven't really spoken for several days. What can I do to get past this awful feeling that we're going in opposite directions? -- OFFENDED IN THE EAST

DEAR OFFENDED: A good beginning would be to ask your husband why he made such a mean-spirited remark. He owes you an apology for his tactlessness. If he really hadn't thought you were dressed appropriately for your son's wedding, he should have mentioned it BEFORE you left the house so you could change if you wished. Slamming you afterward wasn't helpful, and your hurt feelings are understandable. But unless you have other reasons for worrying that you might be headed "in opposite directions," don't let this be blown out of proportion.