DEAR ABBY: My second wife died last year after 39 years of marriage. She had a beautiful, unique sense of humor. Three weeks after her funeral, I was walking our dog on the day that would have been our anniversary. As I bent down to pick up the poop, I spotted a quarter on the ground. It was so tarnished with age I couldn't make out the date. But I remembered your "pennies from heaven" letters, so I picked it up.

I hurried home to clean it to see if it was from the year we were married. I was amazed when I discovered it WAS from the year I was married -- but to my first wife. Like I said, my late wife had a unique sense of humor ... SMILING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SMILING: I'm sorry for your loss. Two things occur to me. The first is that the quarter was your reward for being a responsible dog owner. The second is that your late wife may have been trying to "remind" you that you had a love before her, and you may find another one in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I accepted a request from my brother to watch his cats while he was across the country for a few months. During that time, one of them matured and started marking his territory all over my house. The dilemma was quickly taken care of with a trip to the vet, after permission from my brother.

My brother now insists that because I accepted responsibility for the cats "in every way" in his absence that I shouldn't expect reimbursement for the professional carpet cleaner I rented or the vet bill I paid for neutering the cat.

Am I out of line to expect to be paid back? We have agreed to abide by your response. -- CHRISTINA IN MARYLAND

DEAR CHRISTINA: Tell your brother to start writing the check now. If he'd had to board his cats while he was out of town, it would have cost him a lot more. You were kind to help him out, and he should be ashamed of himself for trying to stiff you. HISSS!

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law is in a barbershop quartet. While I appreciate the artistic effort of what she does, listening to it bores me and I don't enjoy it. I feel like I must go to her recitals because she makes a point of inviting my husband and me.

I have an ethical dilemma. Should I be honest with her and say I don't enjoy sitting through two to three hours of a capella songs? Or should I be true to MYSELF and admit I'd rather stay home and catch up on my reading? What would you do, Abby? -- EARACHE IN IDAHO

DEAR EARACHE: I'd try to be tactful. Instead of saying you would rather stay home and catch up on your reading, say instead that you have "different taste in music" than she does, or that you have other plans. If this would make you feel guilty, consider putting in an appearance every once in a while.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having problems with my boyfriend, "Adam," and I feel stuck. He recently was accepted to graduate school, and we're planning to move there. We haven't lived together before, and I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing.

I will be working and paying for everything, and Adam will be just going to school. He thinks this is a fair trade-off because "we won't have to worry about money at all" once he has completed his education.

Abby, I don't think he cares that it's ME going with him. I feel like a space-filler and a meal ticket. How do I go about finding out his true feelings and intentions? He doesn't make me feel special, wanted or important -- ever. I worry this will end badly. I do love him, but I don't want this to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Please give me some advice. -- TO MOVE OR NOT TO MOVE IN INDIANA

DEAR MOVE OR NOT: You do need advice -- and here it is: Your woman's intuition is telling you this isn't right, and that your boyfriend can't be trusted to fulfill his part of the bargain. You should listen to it because that's a poor basis for uprooting yourself and becoming his benefactor.

The person you have described is someone centered solely upon himself and his own needs. A man who doesn't make you feel special, wanted or important would make a very poor husband.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have three daughters in their 20s and 30s. One of them, "Lauryn," is married with four children. She and her husband are behind in their mortgage, student loans, federal, state and property taxes, utilities, etc. Over the past 15 years, we have given them more than $40,000 to help them stay afloat. Things have not improved.

Now that my wife and I are retired, the money we provide is cutting into our retirement savings. For the sake of our grandchildren, we continue to bail Lauryn out hoping their finances will improve. But now we have begun to think our handouts should come at a cost.

We want to tell Lauryn and our son-in-law that the money we've given -- and have continued to give -- will count against their inheritance. It doesn't seem fair that we have given so much to this one daughter and her family and relatively little to her sisters. Do you agree? We'd appreciate your thoughts on this. -- LOVING PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS

DEAR LOVING PARENTS: I do agree. And for that reason, you should discuss this issue with an attorney who specializes in estate planning, wills and trusts. Your other daughters should not suffer because Lauryn and her husband have been perpetually needy. An attorney can guide you, and it will be money well spent.

DEAR ABBY: I have been best friends with "Jean" ever since grade school. We get along great, except for one thing -- she's a cheapskate! Jean is single and still lives with her parents; I am a single mother living on my own. We earn about the same amount of money.

Whenever Jean is invited out for drinks, she brings only enough cash for one drink, and then comments loudly that she doesn't have enough money on her for another one and waits until someone offers to pay for it. When going out to eat, she eats at home first, and then asks to "sample" everyone else's food. If she wants to see a movie, she makes sure to bring a date to pay for her ticket.

I think her stingy behavior is keeping her from having serious relationships because she expects to pay for nothing. It has reached the point where I don't want to do anything with her because of her penny-pinching ways. Mutual friends have asked me to speak to her. What can I say to keep my friendship intact? -- SEPARATE CHECKS, PLEASE, IN OHIO

DEAR SEPARATE CHECKS: Because you have reached the point that your relationship with Jean is in jeopardy, talk with her about how her behavior has affected you. But do not allow yourself to be the appointed spokeswoman for anyone else. And unless you know for a fact that her stingy behavior is keeping her from having serious relationships with men, keep it to yourself.

In the future, if you go out with Jean and she says she didn't bring enough money for a second drink, allow her to suffer the consequences. And when she asks to "sample" what you're eating, tell her calmly you'd rather she didn't. I agree that when behavior like hers becomes a pattern -- and the person is able to pay but is mooching -- that it's obnoxious. But it won't be corrected by enabling her, and that is what everyone has been doing.

DEAR ABBY: Because I'm a florist, my niece asked me to do the flowers for her wedding. I gladly agreed.

"Misty" put the priest through a lot to make this a very special occasion. She hadn't attended church prior to the wedding. When the priest asked Misty for a contribution to the church for having her wedding there, she was miffed. I asked her, "Who do you think pays the utilities and upkeep for the church for one-time users like you?" She hasn't spoken to me since! Was I wrong? -- MIFFED MYSELF IN NEW YORK

DEAR MIFFED: Wrong? You gave your niece a dose of reality, and stated it very well. It appears Misty has some growing up to do. Perhaps when her "bridal fever" subsides, she will realize that life isn't one freebie after another, and offer the apology she owes you.

P.S. I hope she thanked you for the flowers.