DEAR ABBY: My teenaged daughter will be giving birth soon, and she has decided to place her baby for adoption. I have told her that whatever she decides, I will support her decision.

Here is the difficult part: This will still be my biological grandchild. When this beautiful child is lovingly handed over to the adoptive parents, I will be losing a grandchild. I am already in mourning.

Are there other grandparents out there who are going -- or have gone -- through this, and how are they coping? I already see a therapist, but I would still like to know how others are coping. -- UN-GRANDPARENT IN OHIO

DEAR UN-GRANDPARENT: I wish you had told me more about the kind of adoption your daughter has chosen for her baby. If it is an open adoption in which she will be kept informed about the child's milestones and progress, ask the adoptive couple if they would welcome you as an "extra" grandparent for the child. If I hear from others who have gone through this process, I will let you know, because I'm sure they will write to help you through your heartache.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married to the man of my dreams next month. "Jon" and I love each other and are excited to celebrate our life as husband and wife together with our families and friends.

I have a 6-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, and after talking to her, she told me she would like to walk me down the aisle instead of being our flower girl. I love the idea, and so does Jon.

I will have to talk to my dad about it, because I know he was looking forward to it although we do not have a close relationship. I have lived on my own since I was 17. How do I communicate to him in an appropriate way that my daughter, who has been my family for the past six years, will walk me down the aisle and not him? -- CONFUSED BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR CONFUSED: Because you aren't close to your father, this may not come as a shock to him. However, if he was asked to walk you down the aisle, he may be very hurt and it could cause a rift.

Be as diplomatic as possible when you break the news. Start by saying, "I was talking about the wedding with little 'Jennifer,' and she came up with an idea Jon and I think is adorable. Instead of being our flower girl, she wants to walk me down the aisle. We feel it would bring our little family even closer together. I hope you don't mind...."

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a low-paying job and I am trying to see that he gets a better one, but each step I take he regards as pestering him. This has driven us apart from each other. It really hurts me because we are now like strangers living together. What do I do? -- SAD WIFE IN ABUJA, NIGERIA

DEAR SAD WIFE: Change tactics. What you consider helpful encouragement may be regarded by your husband as constant nagging about a sore subject. Tell him you love him, didn't mean to pressure him -- and if you see some ads seeking men with his skills that offer a higher salary, let him know about them. That's what I would do.

DEAR ABBY: My future son-in-law recently moved in with us for financial reasons. He's 27 and a nice guy, but he's a habitual knuckle-cracker. He cracks every finger of each hand twice (back and forth) every half-hour or so. He also cracks his neck and wrists, but less frequently. As an added bonus, my daughter is also beginning to crack her knuckles now.

I am sensitive to noise (loud chewing, gum cracking), but I don't want to cause him more stress (he's also a nail-biter), so I keep my mouth shut. It's driving me crazy! What do you suggest? -- PATTY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PATTY: Knuckle-cracking, like nail-biting, is a nervous habit that has been known to defuse anxiety. While it may be crazy-making to listen to, unless it's a symptom of an underlying nervous disorder, the practice is relatively harmless. (In some people, it has caused swelling of the joints or swelling of the hands, so mention that to your daughter.)

Because you are sensitive to noises -- which your daughter should already know -- talk to her and her fiance and ask that when the impulse strikes, they walk out of earshot. Because they are living under your roof, they should respect your request.

DEAR ABBY: I married my husband more than a year ago, and I want a child more than anything in the world. We have been trying since our wedding, but every month I get depressed when I find out I'm not pregnant.

Everyone says I shouldn't think about it, and I try not to. But I am becoming more and more depressed with each month that passes. Do you have any advice for dealing with these feelings? Or something I can occupy my time with rather than obsessing? (It sure isn't helping the situation!) -- ANXIOUS IN FLORIDA

DEAR ANXIOUS: What everyone is telling you is far less important than what your OB/GYN has to say about your situation. Because you have been married for a year without being able to conceive, both you and your husband should be talking to doctors. You may have a correctable condition that prevents you from becoming pregnant, or he may have a low sperm count. Distraction isn't what you need right now; what you need are answers.

DEAR ABBY: I have a small home-based business making baking extracts that I sell at our local farmers' market. Occasionally, a patron will look over my stock and ask me how I make them. I am unsure how to answer the question in a way that won't have a negative impact on future sales.

Baking extracts are not difficult to make, but the process is time-consuming and the ingredients are expensive. I don't want to give away the details of my production process, yet I don't know how to say so without seeming rude. Any ideas? -- PERPLEXED IN THE EAST

DEAR PERPLEXED: Smile at the questioner and reply, "That would be giving away trade secrets -- but I can share one of them: I make them all with love."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl, and my grandpa is 75. I love him very much, but I have noticed lately that he stares at women's breasts when they are jogging, and he smiles when a gust of wind blows a girl's skirt up. This embarrasses me, and I am embarrassed for him. He must have realized it by now.

Is my grandpa a creepy, dirty old man? I hope it's not true. Please answer this in the newspaper because I don't want my family to see it. -- CARRIE IN CLEVELAND

DEAR CARRIE: I'm sorry, but the fact that your grandfather would be so unsubtle as to act this way when you're with him is creepy, and I'm sure it is embarrassing. Tell your parents about it so your mother or father can tell him to tone down his "enthusiasm." And if it doesn't happen, spend less time with Grandpa.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Caitlyn," and I are in our 40s and have been living together for a year. My family has invited us to go on a cruise for New Year's, all expenses paid. Because Caitlyn can't get time off from her job at the hospital, she doesn't want me to go, either.

Also, in the fall I will be traveling to Europe with my dad to visit relatives. (He's 80.) These trips don't happen all the time; it's an unusual year.

Should I refuse the cruise and miss out on being with my extended family to stay home with her while she works? I think Caitlyn's being selfish to expect me to. We spend all our free time together. We have been to Las Vegas and on a cruise recently. Please advise. -- HELD BACK IN OHIO

DEAR HELD BACK: You and Caitlyn are adults in your 40s. At that age, Caitlyn should be independent enough to tell you to go and have a good time with your family. And you should be mature enough to discuss this with her without involving me.

DEAR ABBY: My sister loaned me her car when she went out of town so I could drop her at the airport and pick her up. (I don't have a car of my own, but share one with my husband.) While I was driving her car, one of the tires blew. She says I should pay for the replacement tire because I was driving the car on an errand that was unrelated to picking her up when the tire blew. I disagree. Who is right? -- JENNIFER IN FLORIDA

DEAR JENNIFER: If the agreement between you and your sister was that her car was to be used only to take her to the airport and pick her up, then you owe her a new tire. However, if her tires were so worn that they could cause an accident, then she should replace her own tire -- and the other three as well.