Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I have been cooking Thanksgiving dinner for our family since I was in my mid-20s, with little or no assistance from my sisters or sisters-in-law. They typically show up empty-handed but leave with a generous amount of leftovers. Before my mother passed away 12 years ago, she would at least help.

Since my children and their families live out of state and are unable to come this year, I told one of my sisters-in-law I wouldn't be hosting Thanksgiving this year. Abby, she had a complete hissy fit! She insisted it was "tradition" that we have Thanksgiving at my house, and it's something everyone looks forward to. She even said it's not like I don't have the time since I retired this year.

Yes, I have tried delegating. One year, a sister brought a dessert (cookies in a tin) and the other a bag of rolls. Neither one has ever worked outside the home. I'm tired of cooking for two or three days to feed 15 to 20 people. Am I wrong in wanting a break from doing it all? -- I'M DONE IN FLORIDA

DEAR "DONE": No. You have a right to spend your Thanksgiving any way you wish. Because you didn't mention whether your siblings host Christmas, Easter or Fourth of July celebrations, I'm assuming the answer is no. If that's true, then from my perspective you're at least 12 years overdue for a break. Your sisters and sisters-in-law should have stepped up to the plate and shared the responsibilities you have shouldered alone after your mother passed away, if not before. Shame on them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorcee with a problem. My longtime friend "Paul" and I decided to move in together so I could save some money because of my very expensive divorce. The problem is, I think I am falling for him, and I get really jealous when he brings dates home.

When I told him I'm starting to have feelings for him, he said he cares for me, but not in that way. How can I keep my jealousy in check so I don't ruin a good friendship? -- OVER THE LINE IN UTAH

DEAR OVER THE LINE: I'm going to take a risk and make a generalization, because there is much truth to it. When couples divorce, one or both partners' self-esteem often takes a huge hit. People often feel vulnerable and in need of someone to love them, make them feel attractive, be a partner to them, etc. Could this be you? Might this have something to do with your resentment of the women Paul is seeing?

Your friend has been no more than a supportive friend at a time when you needed one. If you can't accept it for what it is, then for your own emotional health find another place to live because, even if you're saving money, this arrangement is too expensive.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $14 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet

DEAR ABBY: I'm a mostly happily married wife and mother. I love tattoos. When I was younger, I was engaged to my soul mate. His name is tattooed on my wrists in honor of the love we shared. Unfortunately, he was killed in a car accident.

Several years later, I met and married my husband, "Brett." When we fight he brings up the tattoos. He says they're "disrespectful" of him and I should get rid of them. It upsets me because I got the tattoos before I ever met Brett, so how can they be disrespectful? Am I being unreasonable, or should my husband back off? -- ILLUSTRATED WOMAN IN COLORADO

DEAR ILLUSTRATED WOMAN: The tattoos are in no way disrespectful to your husband. They are the same body art you had when he married you, and if he didn't complain back then, he shouldn't now. When you're fighting and Brett tells you to get rid of them, he's doing it to hurt you because he knows they are meaningful and he's trying to get under your skin. Insist on dealing with the subject at hand and don't take the bait.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to know if there's any way to stop my mother-in-law from inviting herself to every birthday party and graduation our children have. They are pre-teen and teenagers now. She has done this for years, and it often doesn't end well. Because they are older, they prefer to hang out with their friends, do sleepovers, etc.

Because she insists on staying the night, it's hard to have room for sleepovers. She complains if she has to sleep on the couch, and she also has a fit if she's not getting enough attention from the kids because they'd rather be with their friends and not her the whole time.

I have tried explaining that she should come the weekend before or after, but she shows up on the birthday anyway. Her complaints ruin their birthdays, to the point that I no longer look forward to them. Any advice, since another birthday is right around the corner? (Maybe she'll read this and have a change of heart.) -- MISERABLE MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISERABLE MOM: Your mother-in-law sounds like a handful. However, I do believe that grandparents should be invited to milestones like graduations, where family is important.

It's hard to imagine Grandma would simply show up at the kids' party after being asked to stay away, but you can't slam the door in her face. When she barges in, for your own sake tune her complaining out. Walk away if you must. As to altering the sleeping arrangements to suit an uninvited guest -- don't do it.

Where is your husband in all of this? She's his mother; if you can't make her see reason, then he should. It's normal for teens to want to celebrate with their contemporaries -- and Grandma had better get used to it before they turn tail and run whenever they see her coming.

DEAR VETERANS: I salute each and every one of you for your service to this country. My heartfelt thanks as well to the brave and dedicated men and women who are still on active duty. You are the personification of patriotism and self-sacrifice for your dedication to our country. -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I ended a turbulent five-year relationship with my boyfriend, "Alex," that resulted in a special-needs child. Alex is not living in reality when it comes to our daughter's disabilities, and his family is not present in her life.

Our daughter, "Meghan," spent months in the hospital before she was healthy enough to come home, and Alex's family visited only a few times. I have tried to resolve the issues with Alex's family so our daughter can have a relationship with them, but it is still one-sided. Meghan's paternal family will send a present for her birthday or Christmas, but they spend no time with her. They have other grandchildren in other states that his mother drives hours to see, but she won't drive five minutes to see my daughter.

I'd like to start rejecting the gifts they send Meghan with a note explaining why. I find it disturbing that they'll spend money on my child, but are unwilling to spend time with her. I feel the gifts are a payoff. I don't want Meghan to feel like the odd man out when she's old enough to realize how she is treated compared to the other grandchildren. Abby, what are your thoughts? -- END OF MY ROPE

DEAR END OF MY ROPE: I hate to see you sever your already tenuous ties with Meghan's paternal family. Their behavior toward her may have something to do with the fact that she has disabilities, or the "turbulence" of your five-year relationship with their son.

If they would consent to it, I would recommend family counseling for all of you. However, if they won't, and because you feel that their lack of involvement in Meghan's life will eventually become hurtful to her, you are within your rights to reject their gifts and find more support for her within your own family.

DEAR ABBY: My son tells me no one wants to hang out with him at the small community college he attends. He is a handsome, loving, polite young man who earned the citizenship award three years in a row in elementary school. His sister and I were discussing that maybe he is being TOO polite and it could turn people off. No one likes the "nice guy." Do you have any advice I can give him? -- RAISED A GOOD BOY

DEAR RAISED A GOOD BOY: I disagree with your statement that no one likes a nice guy. Nice people like nice people. From this distance, I am unable to guess what your son's problem might be.

However, it is telling that you are seeking advice about his social problems, not him. The best advice you could convey to your son would be to talk about this with a counselor at school. Together, they may be able to figure out why he has trouble fitting in. You should also encourage him to get involved in activities, which should widen his circle of acquaintances.