DEAR ABBY: My friendships have always included people of different races, religions, nationalities, sexual orientations, professions, etc. A few years ago, I had an experience that was both devastating and humbling on several different levels. It caused me to do a lot of introspection and self-improvement, which led to my becoming a more empathetic person.

Over the last few years, I have distanced myself from old friends and acquaintances who were racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. I have replaced them with new relationships with people who embrace diversity. Some of the people I no longer see ask me why we don't talk or get together anymore. I don't want to give them excuses like, "I've been too busy." How do I explain to them that I don't enjoy associating with people who hold bigoted views? -- OPEN-MINDED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR OPEN-MINDED: Because you no longer wish to associate with them, why not just respond with the truth? Say: "As you may know, I had an experience a few years ago that was life-changing. It made me re-evaluate my life and my relationships, so I decided to 'edit' them down and spend more time with people who think the way I do about life."

DEAR ABBY: I am a middle-aged man who lost my wife to cancer 2 1/2 years ago. We had no children.

I'm now feeling very alone. I don't seem to fit in anywhere. My old "guy" friends avoid me, and our married "couple" friends leave me out because I am not a couple anymore. I understand that, because they all do "couple" things. But even my family seems to have set me aside. When my wife was alive, we would be invited to my siblings' homes for dinners during the holidays and other times. Now I often don't even get a phone call.

There are times I feel like I have been cast off by everyone. Please help, Abby. -- LONELY KANSAN

DEAR LONELY KANSAN: I'll try. With most married couples, the wives are the ones who make the social plans. This may be why you aren't hearing from your "couple" friends. Why your family would choose to exclude you at a time when you need them is something I can't explain. But they may tell you if you pick up the phone and talk to them about it.

Because you find you have time on your hands and no prospects, it's time to establish yourself as an eligible single male. Research singles groups in your area. Go online and put your profile on some of the singles sites. Get involved in volunteer activities. Join a dance class, a yoga class, a gym. There are plenty of women out there waiting to be found, but you won't find any of them sitting home waiting for the phone to ring.

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with "Janet" for eight years. We have been very close, talk often, and go to lunch three times a month. We are like two peas in a pod and have always been honest with each other. Our relationship is open and aboveboard.

On a recent holiday, I went to her house for a party, got drunk and made an inappropriate comment to one of her friends, who had also had too much to drink. Janet called me out in front of the others, demanded I apologize, told me that what I had said was disrespectful, and said she doesn't want to see me again.

Abby, she tossed out an eight-year friendship over one comment. I don't understand. Do you? -- STUPID GUY OUT WEST

DEAR GUY: Not knowing what you said, I can only guess it was so far off the charts that you offended not only the person to whom the comment was directed, but also Janet and the other guests at the party. She may have reacted the way she did because you have done similar things in the past. You will have a clearer understanding if you talk to her about it when you call to apologize.

DEAR ABBY: What can I do about my boss? I have worked at a bus company for 23 years. My new boss started six months ago. He jokes and laughs with all the other ladies in the office, but when it comes to me, he's all business. He talks to me only about things that are work-related, and when I try to talk to him about anything else, he gives me a forced grin and walks away. Any suggestions? -- FEELING LEFT OUT

DEAR FEELING: Your new boss may be intimidated because of your seniority and experience. It may also be because of your age. I am unsure of his reason for treating you differently, but your next move should be to have a talk with your boss to express your feelings about this.

DEAR ABBY: Would you like to know how my mom reduced the stress of Thanksgiving on our family? My siblings all live locally, so holidays became more and more complicated as they tried to plan around both sides of the family and start family traditions of their own with their kids.

Mom solved the problem by moving our Thanksgiving celebration to the Sunday before. That way we had Saturday to prepare, didn't have kids asking all morning when we were going to eat and didn't have to compete with a football game. Mom put the turkey in the oven on Sunday morning before we went to church, and an hour after we got home it was ready to eat.

My folks and single siblings let people know they were available on Thanksgiving Day and were invited to the homes of other family or friends. As Mom grew older, the gathering became a potluck and other relatives were invited, including the in-laws who were not available on Thursday. -- CARRYING ON THE TRADITION

DEAR CARRYING ON: You mention your mother in the past tense, so I assume that she is no longer with us. If she were, I would ask you to please tell her for me that her solution was brilliant.

DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old sister, "Lara," who has four children with her deadbeat "boyfriend," lives at my 57-year-old mother's house and cheats on him. Mom is suspicious because Lara sometimes doesn't come home from work, and she's always using the excuse that she's "going to a friend's house." This leaves my mother baby-sitting Lara's children.

Should I keep out of it while watching my nieces and nephews suffer? I don't know what to tell Mom when she calls me to vent. As Lara's brother, should I say something to get the message across? -- SON/BROTHER/UNCLE IN DETROIT

DEAR S/B/U: Your nieces and nephews aren't suffering. They're safe and supervised by their imposed-upon grandmother, who seems unable to tell her daughter that she refuses to be taken advantage of any longer. I see no reason to hesitate to say something. The next time your mother calls to vent, by all means speak up.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Raul," has been having the same issue all of his adult life, but it's new to me because we have been together only a few years.

Raul was born in Mexico, but has been raised in the United States since he was an infant. For some reason, every time Raul and I go somewhere, whether it be the bank, restaurant, store, etc., people always speak to him in Spanish and direct English questions/remarks to me.

At first, I thought it was funny and would tease him about it. But now I see how much it annoys him. I want to help him address the issue in an appropriate manner. What's the best way to respond (other than in English) that their assumption of his limited language ability is offensive? -- SANDRA IN SYLMAR, CALIF.

DEAR SANDRA: I'm sure no one does this to be intentionally offensive. However, because being spoken to in Spanish annoys your boyfriend, all he has to do is smile and say, "I speak English." That ought to fix the problem.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Adele" has been divorced for more than 20 years. I didn't mention it to my neighbors, so no one knows her marital status. To me, this is a family affair and not for publication.

Adele met a nice gentleman who recently sent her flowers for her birthday. The florist delivered them to the wrong address. When I went to get them, I could tell the neighbor had read the card because it wasn't in the little plastic holder the florists use.

She counted the flowers "for" me, 12 roses, pointed to my daughter's name on the envelope, and then had the gall to read the card to me and ask if I know the sender! I was so shocked I took the vase and left without comment.

This woman, a schoolteacher no less, has more nerve than brains. Our neighborhood friendship is now over. What do I say to her when I see her? -- PEEVED ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR PEEVED: Frankly, the less said to your nosy neighbor the better because she's the kind of person who is best avoided. If you haven't already, tell your daughter what happened so she can make sure her gentleman friend has her correct address, or complain to his florist so nothing more gets misdelivered.