Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. Last night we were talking about doing more in the bedroom, and he told me that he is bisexual.

I have nothing against the LGBT community, but finding this out after so long shocked me. I'm worried now, and I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that he has sex with guys. I just can't quite look at or think of him the same way.

I really do love him and can still see a future with him. I just don't know how to handle this BIG news. Please, Abby, you're my only hope. -- LIZ IN TEXAS

DEAR LIZ: I would be curious about why your boyfriend waited so long to tell you. Because someone is bisexual does not mean the person is unfaithful and sleeping with both sexes at the same time. It simply means the person is attracted to members of both sexes. You need to have further discussion with your boyfriend regarding his attitude about his commitment to you before deciding what to do about his "big" news.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 42-year-old divorced woman with no children. My ex-husband has a son whose life I was a part of for 18 years. When people ask if I have kids, my reply is, "Yes, I have a stepson."

Why do people think it's OK to say things like, "That's not the same as having your own," or, "That doesn't count"? Then they usually go on to ask why I don't have children of my own.

My response is a big fat lie. I say, "It just never happened." The truth is my ex didn't want any more children. What can I say to these people to let them know that they need to stop and think about what they say and ask, because their word choice in this circumstance is hurtful to the point of tears? -- STEPMOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STEPMOM: A person who would downplay your role as a parent is rude, thoughtless and not worth your time. As to asking why someone is childless, I have addressed this subject in my column before. While many folks start conversations by asking whether someone has children, it can be a dangerous question.

I learned my lesson and stopped asking after having received an answer from one man that his son was doing life in prison as an accomplice to murder. Another man told me he had two children, a daughter and an estranged son who was also serving a long sentence -- for selling narcotics. Neither person was happy to have been asked. After that, I stopped asking.

I see no reason why you shouldn't simply tell the truth about why you are child-free. Not having (or wanting) children is nothing to be ashamed of -- it's a personal choice that an increasing number of couples have opted for without regret.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with blushing. Whenever I'm the center of attention, even if it's with just one other person, my face goes bright red. This even happens when I'm not feeling embarrassed.

I've learned to cope with the feeling of my face flushing. What I'm having trouble with is people's comments about why my face is so red. I've never been able to come up with a good response. Telling them I'm not really embarrassed is met with skepticism. Please help. -- RED-FACED IN MEMPHIS

DEAR RED-FACED: My advice is to be upfront and tell the questioner that you don't know why it happens, but you're not embarrassed. As you already know, blushing can happen if someone suffers from a social phobia. In cases like that, counseling and support groups can help. However, because you find it happening even when you are not pressured or embarrassed, discuss it with your physician to be sure there isn't an underlying physical problem.

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating my 42-year-old boyfriend, "Mike," for a year. I love him, but he's a heavy drinker. He has a glass or two of whiskey on a daily basis and goes through a huge bottle of whiskey every weekend. (He also drinks beer like water.) When I asked him to cut back, he refused because he "loves" whiskey. I have never seen him drunk or act intoxicated, so he obviously has a high tolerance.

It bothers me that Mike drinks so much and that he won't cut back. I told him I wouldn't marry him unless he does. My problem is, I don't know whether he's an alcoholic since he doesn't ever show signs of intoxication. I've been told that alcoholism is a progressive disease and that it will only increase.

What constitutes an alcoholic? Is it possible for Mike to drink every day but not be one? I don't want to lose him, but he also has a very bad temper, and I'm afraid it's not a good combination if we were to get married. -- TORN IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR TORN: You are right to be concerned. Even if Mike promised "not to drink so much," he might backslide on his promise after the wedding.

Also, has it occurred to you that the whiskey may be part of what is causing Mike's bad temper? Large quantities of alcohol have been known to alter a person's perception, and the results can be explosive. If you haven't already done so, consider attending an Al-Anon meeting, which may confirm this.

I'm not a medical doctor, but it would be interesting to know what your boyfriend's physician thinks about the amount of alcohol he consumes, because the quantity you say Mike puts away may put him at risk for cirrhosis of the liver.

This may be more information than you asked for, but I don't think Mike is marriage material because it appears he is already wedded to his bottle.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my husband and I had problems. Our marriage was going downhill, but we have recently managed to work things out. My problem is, I sounded off to my mother, who had never held him in very high esteem to begin with. She told me she never wanted to see him again.

She has finally accepted that we are a package deal and she's happy that things are working out. She lives far away, so I don't see her often, and I'd like to pay a visit with my husband and children. When I approached my husband with the idea of seeing Mom, he told me that a few years ago she had sent him an email telling him she didn't like him. He is justifiably uncomfortable with going to see her.

My husband is contemplating going for my sake, but I don't want to add any stress to the situation. Should I talk to my mother about it and ask her to apologize? Or should I just let things go? I don't like the idea of taking the kids and not my husband, and Mom wants to see her grandchildren. -- DON'T WANT TO BE THE MIDDLEMAN

DEAR DON'T WANT: By all means speak privately to your mother about this. If she can smooth things over by explaining to your husband that when she sent the email she was a "mother bear defending her cub," it may make the visit less uncomfortable for your husband.

Fences need mending here, and it will take cooperation on everyone's part. In the future, I hope you will resolve your marital problems like the adult you are and not go running to your mother.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old woman who works in an office with people who are in their 30s and older. I'm nice to everyone and treat them equally. Many of my co-workers have children who are about my age. I take my job seriously and carry myself with respect.

Lately, one of my male co-workers seems to be getting a little "too nice" with me. He brings me treats in the mornings and sometimes pays for my lunch. Sometimes he gives me these uncomfortable back-pats and sometimes even on my lower back. He is married with two kids.

I have been turning down the breakfast and lunch offers, but he still seems to want to be around me. I'm not sure how to make these things stop. I don't want to get any supervisors involved because I don't want to jeopardize anyone's job. Please help me. -- TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT

DEAR TOO CLOSE: The next time this man puts his hands on you, tell him to stop because it makes you uncomfortable. Say it in a firm, clearly audible tone that can be overheard by anyone close by. Then document the incident with date and time. This should stop him. However, if he continues, you must immediately discuss the problem with a supervisor.