DEAR ABBY: My mother is a certified nursing assistant for hospice and loves her work. She has been assisting the terminally ill for 16 years. I'm writing because lately she has become insistent that my brother and I complete our wills, medical directives, powers of attorney, etc.

My brother and I are in our late 20s and in excellent health. While I do agree that Mom's advice is prudent, I have the impression that she views this issue -- and our family -- through the lens of her negative work experiences. Is there an appropriate time and place to discuss this matter? -- LOOKING WAY AHEAD IN CHICAGO

DEAR LOOKING: Absolutely. How about tonight at the dinner table? The time to have these discussions -- and put your thoughts in writing -- is while you are healthy and thinking clearly. While I agree that what may be driving your mother are things she sees at work every day, the reality is that illness and tragedy can strike people of all ages at any time.

It's important that family members hear what a person wants -- or doesn't want -- should a situation arise in which that person is unable to speak for him- or herself. And it's equally important for you and your brother to hear what your mother's wishes are if you don't already know.

DEAR ABBY: I recently found out my ex-boyfriend married the girl he cheated on me with, and they have had a baby. I didn't think it would affect me because it has been nine years since our breakup, but I feel devastated and sad all over again. I constantly wonder why he was blessed with the happy ending I was wishing for. I ask myself why I haven't met anyone worthwhile.

I am scared to go through the hurt and pain again, so I put on a smiling face for everyone. I want to forget this miserable relationship and be happy. What can I do to move on with my life? -- LOST IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LOST: That's a good question, and I'm glad you asked because it means you may finally be ready to do it.

One way to move forward would be to keep busy so you won't brood. Make an effort to meet new people, because the saying "no risk, no reward" is true. If you have saved any mementos of your relationship with your ex-boyfriend, box them up and put them away -- or get rid of them entirely because this chapter of your life is finished.

I can't guarantee this will bring you another romance, but it will be a step in the right direction.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old senior who is sexually dysfunctional. I am so lonely. I have outlived two of my brides. Do you think I could find someone who would just appreciate holding hands and whispering sweet words without the physical contact? -- YOUNG AT HEART IN TEXAS

DEAR YOUNG: Not only do I think you can, I suspect you may need police protection to control the crowd of applicants. Years ago, my aunt, the late Ann Landers, polled her female readers asking if they would prefer "holding and cuddling" to actually doing "the deed." The majority of them answered in the affirmative.

DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and recently started a new job that I consider a leap forward in my career. It's been only two weeks, and my boss has already told me she thinks I am "trying too hard" and "compensating for my age." Honestly, I was just excited to come in to work and do my best. This is my work ethic.

I have swallowed her criticism and am now lying low, but my confidence is shot and I'm now questioning if I made the right decision joining this company. I can try to be quiet for a few weeks, but internally it is torture. I thought I was hired for my leadership skills and experience, but apparently I am "intimidating."

I have tried to brush the criticism off and put it in perspective, but I'm really hurt that traits I have been praised for before are being picked over now. How do I put these feelings aside and continue to work, and what should my approach be? How much should I modify who I am? -- SECOND GUESSING

DEAR SECOND GUESSING: Sometimes when starting a new job, it is wise to remain quiet until one gets the "lay of the land" and understands how the company functions before jumping in. My advice is to continue to lie low.

If things don't improve, schedule another conference with your boss. Tell her you thought you had been hired for your leadership skills and experience, but if you are coming across to others as abrasive, you need to know so you can change it. Let her guide you. If it doesn't work out after that, recognize that not all job placements are a good fit and start looking for something that is.

DEAR ABBY: We entertain frequently because, in our large group of longtime friends, we are the only ones who do. In this way we assure to some degree that the friendships survive.

Folks sometimes volunteer to bring something, but often they don't. Even when they do, they put it together while I'm in the middle of my own preparations. They interrupt me by asking for a serving dish and sometimes want to use the oven while I am using it. This is not my idea of "helping."

Otherwise, they are very dear people, but with the passage of time I am losing my affection for them. If we don't entertain, no one will and the friendships won't survive. Abby, do you have any suggestions or is it too late? -- SURVIVING FRIENDSHIPS IN TEXAS

DEAR SURVIVING: It may be too late because a pattern has been established, and you're complaining to the wrong person. If you preferred that your kitchen not be invaded, you should have communicated that to the invaders who were getting in your way at the time it happened.

Do these people socialize with you at all unless it's at your parties? Even if these "friends" are unwilling or unable to entertain on the scale that you do, they long ago should have made some attempt to reciprocate your hospitality, and they appear to have made little or no effort. You might feel less taken advantage of if you widen your circle of acquaintances to include some couples with a stronger grasp of the social graces.

DEAR ABBY: I am 18, and like most of my friends, I have gone away to college. We have a friend whose life went off track during our senior year because of drinking, drugs and other misbehavior. She's now without a place to live or any support system.

She calls us from time to time, and we aren't sure what to believe or how to help her since we are all in a different place in our lives, and far away. We won't give her money because we are worried about what she might do with it, but we really do want to help her and be there for her. What is the best approach? -- WORRIED FRIEND IN FLORIDA

DEAR WORRIED: I agree that you should not give her money. The best approach would be for you to advise your friend to get into a shelter with social services for homeless women. If she does, she may be able to get into a substance abuse program, receive government benefits and straighten out her life. I'm not saying her road will be an easy one, but it can be done.

DEAR ABBY: Is there a polite way to ask a colleague to stop bringing her kids to work? Our offices are next to each other, and the dividing wall doesn't reach the ceiling. I have to hear them yelling at each other (they are 2 and 4), crying, whining and their mother's attempts at discipline, etc. This isn't occasional -- it happens often.

Should I ask her politely to stop bringing them to work? Or should I ask management to shift my office away from hers? -- DISTRACTED IN DETROIT

DEAR DISTRACTED: Rather than risk a confrontation with your co-worker, this is something you should discuss either with your supervisor or your employer. While I empathize with the woman's difficulty in finding someone to supervise her youngsters, if their presence in the workplace is disruptive, your needs should be accommodated.

DEAR ABBY: I have a family friend whose son has been engaged twice, to two different women. The first engagement was broken off by him, and the second by his fiancee.

Each time, his family threw him an engagement party (which he wanted) -- and I was invited to both. Each time, as is customary, I bought a gift for the happy couple. Neither one was returned after the engagement was broken.

The first party was a pleasure to attend. The second one I found slightly awkward, but I wanted to be supportive of my friend. I brought a gift the second time because I didn't want to be impolite.

If my friend's son becomes engaged a third time and has an engagement party to which I am invited, am I obligated to bring a gift? -- POLITE PARTY GUEST

DEAR POLITE: No. I think by now you have given enough. And considering how your friend's son's luck has been after these engagement parties, I can't imagine his family inviting the same people a third time and expecting them to give him anything more than their good wishes.