DEAR ABBY: My mom turned 60 last month, and I hosted a party at her house for friends and family. As things were winding down, I took a break from cleaning up to look over the birthday cards from well-wishers that were displayed on a living room table. Among them was a big, gorgeous card from "Cassie," a woman around my mother's age, who I always thought was nothing more than an acquaintance.

As I read the message she had written inside, my jaw dropped. While not pornographic, her message made clear that she and Mom have an intimate physical relationship that has been going on for a while.

I have not discussed the card with Mom, but I suspect she knows I saw it. Lately, I have canceled our weekly lunches together. I don't have anything against gays; I believe they are entitled to a love life just like the rest of us. But in this case, I can't help but feel betrayed. Mom was married to Dad for 32 years, bore him three children and seemed happy. Was this all a lie?

My biggest concern is, if this relationship becomes permanent, how do I explain it to my children -- or worse, my brothers, whose views are conservative and some might say bigoted. I can't help but wonder if Mom left the card out so she could open a can of worms in my lap. How should I approach this? Please help! -- DUMBFOUNDED DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Some people are bisexual, which means they can be attracted to people of both genders. Your mother may have had a very happy marriage, and then she met Cassie. If she is no longer with your father, it is not a "betrayal" of anyone.

Call your mother and arrange to get together. Tell her you saw the card. She may not have told you about her relationship with Cassie because she was afraid you would react as you have. IF they become a couple and your children ask questions (keep in mind, they may not ask), tell them the truth. As to making any announcements to your bigoted brothers, leave that up to your mother and resist the urge to be the town crier.

DEAR ABBY: I'm only 18. I know I have a lot to learn in life, but I need help. I'm madly in love with a guy who is "bipolar" about our relationship. One day he loves me and the next he doesn't.

Today he said he needed some time alone because we've been together 24/7. I got all mad and started to go crazy. He's not breaking up with me. I know he needs space, but I can't bring myself to let him have it. I don't want to lose him. Please help me figure out a way to stay with him. -- GOT A GOOD ONE IN MISSOURI

DEAR GOT A GOOD ONE: If you want to keep your boyfriend, let him have his freedom. I know it sounds contradictory, but the harder you try to hang onto him, the more he will want to get away.

And by the way, while he's enjoying his "space," you should do exactly the same thing he is doing. If you isolate yourself, you will only become depressed, insecure and clingy, none of which are attractive traits.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dilemma. Last year my son became a professional in his sport, and he has recently become famous. Since then, everyone is asking for tickets to games because they want in on the action. I treated one relative who lives near me to a game with her son, and now her sister (with whom I've had very little contact) is saying she follows the games and would love to attend.

My son gets tickets, but they are not free and they do cost him something. It's becoming very stressful for him. Friends and family from all over now ask him for tickets. I don't want to impose upon him for other than immediate family.

How do I tactfully tell these people that I won't ask? I don't want it to sound like he doesn't want to do it. I want it to come from a concerned mom who simply doesn't get tickets for everyone, so they need to go online and buy them like normal people do. -- PROFESSIONAL DILEMMA

DEAR P.D.: These people may not realize they are being presumptuous. Tell them frankly, the same way you explained it to me, that the tickets aren't free to the players. These people may not be aware of it, and it should bring them back to reality.

DEAR ABBY: A good friend of mine began having trouble in her marriage of 16 years. She has been coming to me for advice. Her husband has grown distant and refuses physical interaction. He speaks to her as if he is always irritated with her.

The reason she seeks my advice is because I'm going through a divorce and my husband exhibited the same signs. I have tried to give her the best advice I can, but now she's implying that her husband is attracted to me! It makes me very uncomfortable since I haven't done anything wrong. What should I do? -- WALKING ON EGGSHELLS

DEAR WALKING ON EGGSHELLS: Your friend is an emotional wreck right now. Because her husband hasn't given her the reason he is emotionally abusing her, she's desperately looking for a reason. A step in the right direction would be to assure her that you are not, never were, and never will be attracted to her husband. Then suggest that she may need more support than you can give her and she might find it helpful to talk to a professional counselor.

DEAR ABBY: I was an invited guest at a dinner party along with a few other couples. During conversation, one of the guests mean-spiritedly used the N-word twice. I was appalled. Because it was not my home, I said nothing.

Please tell me how I could have handled this to let the bigot know this wasn't acceptable and was just plain wrong. I no longer respect this person, and I'm not sure I want to associate with him or even be in his company again. -- SHOULD HAVE SPOKEN UP

DEAR SHOULD HAVE SPOKEN UP: If you choose to avoid the person, that's your privilege and it's fine with me. There's a saying, "All that's needed for evil to flourish is for good people to say nothing." It would not have been rude to have said, "Please don't use that word around me, because I find it offensive."

DEAR ABBY: It's Father's Day. Maybe now is the time for people to forgive, forget and remember how wonderful their dad was when they were growing up.

I am dating a man whose two grown children live out of state. He and his wife divorced when the kids were young, and he tried hard to keep a good relationship with them. But even with the best intentions, there are sometimes obstacles that get in the way.

He loved being a father and tells me stories about singing songs to his kids at bedtime and getting down on the floor to play with them. I can see how much he loves them and how painful it is for him to not have them in his life. He has no idea why they are distant. I suggested he ask them directly what happened. He said he has tried, with no response.

I'm not saying he's a perfect man, but he is kind, generous and loving. He has many more good qualities than bad. He hasn't heard much from his children for several years, and I think the best gift he could receive this Father's Day would be a simple phone call. No card or necktie would mean as much. Life is short and precious. Holding on to negativity or the past is so much more work than letting it go and forgiving, and it's good for the soul. -- WISE LADY FROM THE MIDWEST

DEAR WISE LADY: If your boyfriend was present in his children's lives in spite of the divorce while they were growing up, it's possible they may be so involved in their own lives that they have "forgotten" their dad might appreciate hearing from them. Feeling as you do, continue to encourage him to reach out to his kids.

DEAR ABBY: I incurred a big mortgage two years ago by choice. As a result of the larger payments, I have had little discretionary income to spend.

Both of my parents went into the hospital recently. Fortunately, they were discharged after only a few days. My sister has now decided we should all go on a family vacation, mainly because we don't know how much longer our parents will be alive.

I am all for going on a family vacation, but the one she wants will cost more than $7,000 for my family of four. When I told her I can't afford it, she laid a heavy guilt trip on me. She said I made a bad mistake incurring a big debt, and accused me of not caring about my parents. It has gotten so bad that I don't want to talk to her anymore because she will continue to harp on it. What should I do? -- FRUSTRATED IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You're handling this about as well as can be expected. The debt has already been incurred. Because of your current financial obligations, you can't afford the vacation your sister has in mind. Either Sissy will have to plan something more affordable, or your family will be unable to participate. That's reality.

DEAR READERS: Allow me to wish a Happy Father's Day to fathers everywhere -- birth fathers, stepfathers, adoptive and foster fathers, grandfathers, and all of those caring men who mentor children and fill the role of absent dads. I applaud you all. -- Love, ABBY