DEAR ABBY: Eleven years ago my husband had a prostatectomy, which left him impotent. His sex drive dropped from 100 to zero. I have told him many times I don't care what he can or can't do. I have also told him I married him in sickness and health, and if this is the worst thing to happen, we are pretty lucky.

This is the man I couldn't walk by for many years without him all over me. We made love two or three times a day. I miss the man I married desperately. He is the one who had surgery, but I didn't.

I would never cheat on him, but I don't know what to do. Anytime we are intimate, it is always my idea, never his. I feel lost and hope you can help. -- LOST IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LOST: In one paragraph you tell me that you don't care what your husband can or can't do. In the next you tell me you miss the man he was and need more than you're getting. Here's what I advise: Have a talk with your husband, and suggest that he have a talk with his urologist. There are medical interventions that could improve the state of your union, but only if he is aware of them and is willing to avail himself.

DEAR ABBY: One of my male friends is having a child with a woman he is not married to and isn't dating. I want to throw a baby shower/party for him, and he seems excited about it. I will invite the mother of his future child, but I don't really know her. The party is more for my friend.

Our circle of friends thinks it's strange to throw a baby shower for a male. Am I breaking some rule of etiquette here? -- BROOKE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR BROOKE: Is the mother of the child a surrogate and is he planning to be a father to the child, or was she impregnated during a one-night stand? Baby showers are supposed to be for the BABY, and the mother-to-be is usually the star of the show, not an add-on. If your friend's participation ended at conception, he is not entitled to a shower.

DEAR ABBY: I am 27 and "blessed" with a young face. All my life I've been told it's a gift, and I should be thankful people assume I'm much younger than my age.

Now that I'm married and have a family (three children under the age of 5), I often find myself on the receiving end of dirty looks from total strangers. My husband works night shifts, so I often run errands with my children. As much as I love spending time with them, the trips can be unpleasant for me.

I constantly spot women checking to see if I'm wearing a wedding band or engagement ring. I have also overheard comments about single teen mothers and the judgmental things people say about them. How can I tactfully handle these situations while being a good role model for my kids? -- BLESSED IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR BLESSED: The way to handle rude remarks would be to ignore them, and to remember to wear your wedding band when you and your children are out running errands.

DEAR ABBY: I am a lesbian, still in high school, who has not yet come out to any friends or family. I want them to know, but I'm afraid to tell them.

I'm pretty sure this is who I am, and I don't want them to dismiss my identity. I also don't want them to think of me differently -- I want to be the same person in their eyes as I was before I came out. They aren't homophobic to my knowledge, but I feel "stuck."

I have fairly bad social anxiety, so it's difficult for me to say anything. I'd be grateful for any advice you have. -- HIDING IN COLORADO

DEAR HIDING: I suggest you first deal with your social anxiety (a counselor can help you with this) because it may make it easier for you to come out when you finally decide to do it. Until you are secure in yourself about who you are, I think you should wait to announce your sexual orientation to other people.

DEAR ABBY: I am totally frustrated. My wife has implemented alerts on our credit cards, bank accounts and debit card accounts to a point that I can't buy surprise gifts for her birthday, our anniversary, Valentine's Day, etc., without receiving a text from her almost immediately asking if I charged something to a specific store.

Do you think this is a control obsession, or is she just overly cautious? Every time I try to discuss this with her, she says she's trying to make sure we are not hacked, etc. I want to be able to buy her things and create the element of surprise.

I would love some financial privacy at special times. Other than this, I have nothing to hide. Do you have any advice to help me save my sanity on this one? -- UNDER SURVEILLANCE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNDER SURVEILLANCE: Yes, either get a credit card in your name only or put aside some cash to spend on surprise gifts for these special occasions.

DEAR ABBY: I met a man online who lives out of state. We seem to have a lot in common. I have relatives near his home and plan to move to that state in the future. He has two daughters, ages 22 and 24. The 24-year-old, who is married, just graduated from college. He flew back east to attend the graduation.

He has told me several times how much he likes my long hair. When he called me from back east, he said how happy he was that he got to brush his daughter's hair! I thought it was odd and mentioned it to a few friends -- male and female -- who said they thought so, too. What's your opinion? I'm uncomfortable about what he did. -- UNEASY OUT WEST

DEAR UNEASY: I agree that it's unusual for a father to be brushing his adult daughter's hair. However, not knowing the man, I can't say for certain whether or not his affinity for your long hair is a fetish. Because you found his comment off-putting, discuss it with him in a nonconfrontational way to learn more before making any judgments.

DEAR ABBY: A man I work with found a dog on his way to the office. He picked it up, took it home and was immediately talking about what a good playmate the dog would make. He said he tried to call the local animal shelter, but was put on hold twice, so he gave up.

I felt he should have made more of an attempt to find the owner before claiming it as his own. I immediately posted a free "found dog" ad online and, three weeks later, received a message.

It turned out the dog belonged to a 72-year-old woman who lives alone. She discovered her back door open one day and her dog missing. I put my co-worker in touch with the lady and said I'd leave it to him to do what he felt was best. After confirming the dog was indeed hers, he reluctantly returned it to her.

He is now telling everyone he's very sad at his loss and that it was "almost as hard as having a dog put to sleep." He's receiving major sympathy from some of our co-workers who seem to be upset with me for posting the found dog ad. Am I wrong to think this small effort should have been expected in this situation, and what I did was the right thing? -- DID THE RIGHT THING IN TEXAS

DEAR DID: I don't think you did anything wrong, and I'm 100 percent positive that the dog's owner would agree with me. She was probably worried sick, wondering if her beloved companion was lying injured or dead in a ditch somewhere.

While I appreciate your co-worker feeling a sense of loss at having to return the dog, he should be comforted in the knowledge that it's in a home where it is loved and cared for. And that is not comparable to having to have one euthanized. However, because he is grieving, suggest he ask the owner for visitation. Out of gratitude, she may agree.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my partner, "Pat," for 10 years. For personal reasons, we have chosen not to get married. I call him my partner because, for the majority of our 10 years together, we have lived together. We share multiple financial commitments, and he is truly my partner in life.

My problem is, when I refer to Pat as my partner, people immediately ask me if I'm gay. I'm less worried about people thinking I might be a lesbian, but more that people might think Pat is a woman. Even his family members have remarked when I refer to him as my partner.

I know our friends and family respect our choice to not be married, but I'm not sure what to call him other than my partner. I feel that "boyfriend" is too casual for our level of commitment. I don't have a problem calling Pat my partner. I do have a problem with all the unnecessary confusion that follows.

What should I call the man I am committed to and who is equally committed to me, when we have chosen to take the "no ring" route together? -- NOT SINGLE IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR NOT SINGLE: You could use "better half," but I think the word "partner" describes your relationship very well. If someone asks if you are gay or if Pat is a woman, don't be defensive -- just say no. Giving more information to someone who isn't close enough to you to already be aware of your situation is oversharing.