Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: Three weeks ago, I invited a friend to attend a dinner party I am throwing. She promised to check her calendar and let me know if she was available. Twelve days went by and, because I had heard nothing, I assumed she wasn't available and filled the table with someone else.

Now she's calling to say she is available, but I already have a full table. What do I do now? -- ONE TOO MANY IN NEW YORK

DEAR ONE TOO MANY: It shouldn't take 12 days to check one's calendar. Your friend was rude in not letting you know right away. Call your friend and explain that when you didn't hear from her, you assumed she couldn't make it, so you invited someone else. And don't apologize for it, because she owes you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: Have you any advice for handling nostalgia? While it can be pleasant, lately I have been getting very down when I think about my past. I'm sad that I can never relive those experiences, and I'm wondering what's wrong with my life now that makes me feel this way.

I'm 25 and have a lot of life ahead of me. Now that I think about it, I have always had the habit of thinking the past is better than the present. Then, a few years later, I end up missing that time in my life -- even though at the time, I didn't appreciate it.

How can I start enjoying and appreciating my present and treasure my past, but not let it hold me back? -- NOSTALGIC IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NOSTALGIC: Try this: Each morning, before getting out of bed, take a few minutes to consider the things in your life that you are grateful for and that you enjoy. Picture them one at a time in your mind -- whether it's your parents, your friends, your health or perhaps a recent experience. If you do, this will put you in a positive frame of mind to begin your day.

If you find your thoughts sliding backward into negativity at any point after that, remind yourself to return to reality and stay in the moment or concentrate on something you have to look forward to. It may lift your spirits. However, if this doesn't help to improve your outlook, then it's time to consider talking to a licensed mental health professional about it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question I have never seen addressed before. I have a lot of collectible toys stored in my attic that I bought for my stepson more than 30 years ago. Now that he knows they're worth money -- which he doesn't need -- he wants me to return them so he can sell them. Is he entitled to demand them back? -- STEPDAD IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STEPDAD: I think so. When the toys were given to him, they became his property. On the other hand, because they have been in your attic all these years, it seems only fair that you be compensated for the "storage fees." Whatever is decided, I hope it won't cause a rift in your family.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee of three years, "Ellen," is wonderful to me and she loves my daughters dearly. However, when it comes to my ex-wife, Ellen can be downright nasty.

I divorced my ex-wife many years ago because she wasn't good to me, but my kids see her half the time and love her because she's their mom, and I encourage them to do that. Ellen says nasty things about her in front of my kids, and of course my kids don't like it and tell me about it. When I confront Ellen about it, she tells me I stick up for my ex more than her and tries to make me feel guilty.

My kids are my world, Abby. I love Ellen, but I refuse to lose my kids because my fiancee can't control her mouth. I don't know what to do. If I lose Ellen because of my ex, I'll be devastated. Do you have any advice for me? -- CAN'T WIN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CAN'T WIN: Try asking Ellen how she would feel if she were in your daughters' shoes and someone constantly said nasty things about her mother. I'll bet she wouldn't like it one bit.

You say Ellen loves your daughters -- yet she persists in doing something she knows is painful for them. That isn't loving behavior, nor is it kind or sensitive. My advice is to tell Ellen she needs to do some work on quelling her insecurity and hostility because she's driving your daughters away, and they are your world. And add that if you hear she's continuing to make nasty comments about their mother, although it pains you, you will miss her.

DEAR ABBY: Every time my girlfriend and I go out somewhere and we run into friends of hers -- mainly females -- they always make a point of telling me how lucky I am to have her. Mind you, she is gorgeous, and I do feel lucky. But I'm not bad-looking either.

What is a proper response for me to give? It's beginning to get irritating. -- ALSO A GOOD CATCH

DEAR ALSO A GOOD CATCH: The proper response is, "Isn't she terrific? She's not only gorgeous, she's (then list several of her other virtues)." Remember, this is not a competition. The more you build your girlfriend up to her girlfriends, the better YOU will come across. And of course, she should do the same for you whenever the opportunity presents itself.

DEAR ABBY: How come when people ask what kind of sports you do and stuff like that, they always direct it to my brother or my dad? They never ask me -- I'm a girl -- or my mom. I consider it rude and sexist. I feel I should do something about it, but I'm not sure what. Please help me. -- CLAIRE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR CLAIRE: People who do this obviously don't know your family well, or they would already know the answer to the question. That tells me they are only trying to make polite conversation.

Because it bothers you, I think you should tell your father and brother how it makes you feel. Perhaps the next time they're asked, they could make a point of mentioning that you're involved in sports, too, so you can be part of the conversation.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law quit her job and moved into my in-laws' basement six years ago. I think there may have been an emotional breakdown having to do with her work. I also think it upsets my mother-in-law to have her adult daughter living this life. Mom isn't willing to ask her to move out or even discuss the situation.

This was fine until my sister-in-law told my 10-year-old daughter that she lives with her parents because "they need her to take care of them." Nothing could be further from the truth! My in-laws are fine on their own.

My concern is that this is sending a bad message to my daughter, and she will think she will need to take care of her father and me in 30 years. I have told my daughter that kids do not need to move back in with their parents -- even if they need help.

My question is, should I tell my mother-in-law about this or just drop it? -- TAKEN ABACK IN NEVADA

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Your sister-in-law may have justified her living with her parents in order to save face after having been asked about why she was living in their basement. Because you have dealt with this with your daughter and the subject is a sensitive one with your mother-in-law, my advice is to let it go.

DEAR ABBY: Can you please help me understand the rule of etiquette when borrowing a wedding dress? The owner was fully aware that the bride intended to alter it. It was obvious that it would need to be made several sizes smaller and shortened. Also, the bride stated clearly that she intended to lower the neckline and remove the sleeves. Everyone seemed happy the gown was being used again after 25 years of being in a box.

After the wedding, the dress was professionally cleaned, boxed and returned to the owner. She is now livid and contends that the dress should have been returned in its original state -- just like it was loaned.

I'd appreciate your help settling this family dispute. How should this work? -- BORROWING TROUBLE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR BORROWING TROUBLE: It is a fact of life that when cloth is excised so a garment can be made "several sizes smaller," it cannot be put back in its original condition. If that was the expectation of the owner, it was unrealistic. The bride did the right thing by having the wedding gown professionally cleaned and boxed, and it shouldn't be necessary for her to make any apologies.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my sister-in-law gave me a beautiful watch for Christmas. It became my favorite accessory for any dressy occasion. However, a year ago her brother and I divorced. I still have the watch and would love to wear it, but I'm not sure if it would be appropriate or if I should give it away. Thanks for your input. -- TORN IN DECATUR, ILL.

DEAR TORN: The watch was given to you with affection, and even if you wear it in your ex-husband's presence, the chances are small that he would realize who it was from. Because you like it, wear it and enjoy it. There is nothing inappropriate about doing so.