DEAR ABBY: Our granddaughter, "Kim," is a senior in high school. She wants to study in Europe next year to improve her skills in a second language. Neither she nor her parents can afford the $20,000 or more this will cost. She is also "boy crazy." Another worry is the threat of terrorism and her safety.

Kim's grandmother and I see more negatives than positives in this possibility. Please advise us whether we should voice our opinion and what your opinion is. -- HOLDING BACK FOR NOW

DEAR HOLDING: If you had described your granddaughter as emotionally mature and responsible, I would give it my blessing. However, because you didn't, in my opinion she should continue her schooling closer to home and pursue her interest in language arts when she's further along in her education and less boy crazy.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend has no issue with nudity. She worked herself through her master's degree in finance as an exotic dancer. She has a phenomenal figure, eats healthy and works out often.

Last year we bought a home in a small residential community, complete with a pool. We installed a fence and spent a lot of money on landscaping to give us privacy from our neighbors.

We live in Florida and spend a lot of time in our pool, especially on weekends. My girlfriend doesn't like to wear a swimsuit, and I have no issues with it.

At a neighborhood event recently, one of our neighbors politely asked her if she wouldn't mind covering up when in the pool. She said her kids, and I'm sure her hubby, can see into our yard from their second story. My girlfriend apologized for their inconvenience, but told them she wouldn't be changing her habits in her home to stop another family from gawking.

I see both sides of this. I agree she shouldn't feel compelled to wear a suit to swim in our own pool (or lounge by it). But I can also see the neighbor's side. The preteen boys and husband can get an eyeful just about every weekend, and I don't think a few tan lines are worth a feud with the neighbors. Any suggestions for my dilemma? -- SWIMSUIT ETIQUETTE

DEAR S.E.: I, too, can see both sides of this. However, you and your girlfriend have done as much as you can to protect her privacy. You can't be responsible for your neighbor's husband's and children's voyeurism. I don't think your girlfriend should feel compelled to change her lifestyle because they act like Peeping Toms.

I do think it would be healthier for all concerned if your neighbor had a talk with her "boys" regarding their family's standards when it comes to naturism and respecting the privacy of others.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been friends with another couple, "Bill" and "Emily," for 20 years. We usually have dinner together once every four to six weeks.

In the past, everyone enjoyed a cocktail or a glass of wine with dinner and nobody overdid it. But over the last year or so, it is clear that they have started drinking earlier in the day, before we arrive. They each consume multiple drinks while my wife and I are still on our first. Emily often is noticeably drunk within the first hour and excuses herself to go to bed while Bill continues drinking. Often dinner plans at their house or at a nearby restaurant must be canceled because of this behavior.

When they visit our home, Emily helps herself to several glasses of wine before dinner and then passes out in our guest room, while Bill sits on the couch rambling on and we speed up the cooking to get food on the table. When dinner is finished, we suggest it's time to call it a night. Our get-togethers are now over in less than two hours.

How do we tell these otherwise nice friends that they drink too much? -- UNWILLING BARTENDER IN ARIZONA

DEAR BARTENDER: The next time Bill and Emily come to your home for dinner, make sure your liquor is locked up and don't serve any. If you are asked about the omission, you and your wife should tell them that YOU have decided to "cut back" on your alcohol consumption because it will enable you to enjoy their company more. (I wish you could videotape their reaction.)

It will be interesting to see if you still enjoy their company when they are sober, and vice versa. If they take offense and decide to socialize with you less often, don't take it personally. Realize that alcohol now rules their lives.

I do not think you should try to perform an "intervention" because it doesn't appear you are close enough to them to do it with much success.

DEAR ABBY: I was married for 27 years before my divorce. The ending of my marriage was both painful and unexpected. I was in therapy throughout the divorce and for some time after.

Later I moved to another state so I would no longer have to risk running into him. But just when I think I have moved on, something is said or something happens that brings my pain and anger back to the surface.

I heard once that when one is in a serious relationship, that it can take twice as long to get over it. Is this the same for a marriage? Can I expect it to take 2 times 27 years before I am finally over my ex and my divorce? -- UNEXPECTED DIVORCE

DEAR U.D.: There is no set timetable for "getting over" a divorce. Much depends on the reasons for it. Some people hang onto their pain and anger for the rest of their lives. Others grow beyond the experience and are able to move on. They cultivate new friends and interests, and sometimes find a romance to replace the one that was lost. I predict you will move beyond your pain and anger when you are ready for another relationship.

DEAR READERS: In the words of Martin Luther King Jr., whose birthday we remember today: "To retaliate in kind would do nothing but intensify the existence of hate in the universe. Along the way of life, someone must have sense enough, and morality enough, to cut off the chain of hate."

DEAR ABBY: Our son and his wife have blessed us with a darling 6-year-old granddaughter, "Sophie," who is the love of our lives. We live nearby and are very close.

When we received her kindergarten school photo, she had on heavy lipstick and light eye shadow. My husband and I couldn't contain our shock. Her parents said they thought she looked beautiful, and Sophie was made up that way because "she wanted to." We were speechless.

When we pick her up on weekends, she sometimes wears makeup, too. It makes her look like a 30-year-old. We think that wearing it while playing dress-up is fun, but doing it outside the home takes away from her natural beauty. What are your thoughts on this? -- TAKEN ABACK IN KANSAS

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Forgive me if this seems old-fashioned, but I think that a kindergartener should be allowed to remain a child for at least a few years. I'm not only surprised that your son and daughter-in-law would send their 6-year-old to school wearing makeup, I am equally surprised that the school would allow it.

And when Sophie spends the weekend with you, don't you think you should make the rules about whether she's allowed to wear makeup? Someone has to draw the line, but when you do, be prepared for some battles.

DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away a few weeks ago. She lived with my husband and me for the last 2 1/2 years of her life, and I was her caregiver.

The week after she passed, my husband did not stay home even one day with me. It was the loneliest, saddest time I have ever experienced. I feel he should have stayed with me without my having to ask him. He says all I had to do was ask.

Frankly, I don't think it was up to me to ask to be comforted. Who do you think is right? -- GRIEVING IN CLEARWATER, FLA.

DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved mother. You were a loving, caring daughter and, I'm sure, a comfort to her in her last years.

It is sad that you and your husband have such a poor level of communication. You should not have had to ask him to remain by your side in your hour of need. He promised to do that at the altar, and from where I sit, he failed you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman married to a woman. Recently we attended her family reunion. Her first cousins (all female) decided to have a meeting. When my wife returned from the discussion, her mom asked her what it was about. My wife replied that they were planning a trip with just the female cousins -- no men. I feel hurt and excluded, as I am a woman, too.

Am I wrong? I can understand not wanting husbands on an all-girl trip, but am I not the exception? -- OUT OF THE LOOP IN ALBERTA, CANADA

DEAR OUT: No. This trip is for cousins only; no spouses. Although all the other spouses are men, you are not a cousin, so stop looking for reasons to be hurt. My advice is to let it go.