DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 10 years. Four years ago, while waiting for our divorce to be finalized, I decided I'd start dating online and suggested she do the same. We were still friends, so I didn't think it was crossing any boundaries.

My online dating efforts were met with peculiar results. All of the six women I connected with either stood me up or made excuses why they couldn't or wouldn't meet me in person. Out of frustration I began dating my wife again and we canceled the divorce proceedings.

About a year after we got back together, my wife confessed that the women I had reached out to online were all fictitious personae that she had constructed with the intent of exhausting my search efforts. It worked.

We are now filing for divorce again, and I'm worried she may do the same thing. What can I do? -- SOUTHERN GUY

DEAR SOUTHERN GUY: Because you think your wife might pull that stunt again, stop sharing any details of your online dating pursuits with her. Definitely refrain from telling her which sites you're using. (Use different ones than before.)

Or, hearken back to the good old days and try meeting people in person. The worst that could happen might be that you encounter your soon-to-be ex in various disguises -- but you know her well enough by now that you should be able to see through them.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to a wonderful man, and we will be married soon. We have been together two years and get along well. His parents live 35 minutes away and his mom doesn't drive.

The other day he commented that she wanted us to invite her over, as she hadn't been over in a year. I told him his mother is always welcome and should just call to make sure we are home. He then proceeded to tell me he wanted her to spend the night. He said that in his previous relationship, his mother would stay over occasionally.

I didn't know what to say, but at the age of 40, should he really be wanting sleepovers? It struck me as odd. I'm a private person and I'm not sure how to resolve this. I don't want him to feel I'm rejecting his mom, but I don't see why she needs to spend the night. I don't want to walk on eggshells with her, because she called and scolded me about how I spoke to her son several months ago. Advice? -- LADY OF THE HOUSE

DEAR LADY: Is there something you haven't mentioned? Why has it been a year since your fiance's mother has been invited to visit? Certainly in all this time you could have picked her up. A blanket "come anytime, just call first" isn't a proper invitation -- particularly if the person doesn't drive.

If you prefer she not be an overnight guest, I don't think your fiance should force it. And if you prefer that she not meddle in your relationship with her son, I hope you made it clear to her when she "scolded" you. Of course, it wouldn't have happened if her son hadn't tattled to her -- which should be a glimpse of what marriage to him may be like if you don't get this straightened out now.

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Expecting in Canada" (Sept. 8) and am disappointed in her daughters' reaction to her pregnancy, as were you.

My own mother announced she was pregnant with my baby brother when she was 42 and my sister and I were in college. Now, 46 years later, I can say he is one of the best things that ever happened to our family. He took great care of both my parents as they grew older and was with them when each passed away. My sister and I are very close to him, even though we nicknamed him "the crown prince" and teased him because that's how my parents treated him.

I hope "Expecting's" daughters will eventually embrace this great gift. If they don't, they may miss out on a wonderful experience and a lot of love. -- ELDER SISTER OF THE CROWN PRINCE

DEAR ELDER SISTER: Thank you for your letter. Readers wrote to share their personal experiences as you did. Most agreed that having a child with older parents and siblings can be a life-changing event. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was a surprise baby. My birth mother was 40 and my birth father was 67. My sisters were 15 and 16. The older one was not happy; the younger one loved having a baby sister.

As fate would have it, my mother died when I was 7 years old. My father was too old to care for a child, so my older sister, the one who hadn't been thrilled with my arrival, and her husband became my "parents." Not every day was perfect, but my life was very blessed.

My sister, whom I called Momma, became ill in her 60s, and my brother-in-law, whom I called Daddy for the rest of his life, also had health problems. I became their "legs" for many errands. When Daddy died I became Momma's primary caregiver.

I would like those two girls to know that the little "intruder" may just be the one who takes care of them someday. I'm shocked that the parents would even entertain the idea of giving the baby away. -- JUDY IN LOUISIANA

DEAR ABBY: When I was a junior in high school, my mother told me she was pregnant. I was disgusted and angry, and I told her so. As I reflect back on it, I'm mortified that I could be so cruel. After giving it more thought, I realized I was annoyed to think my parents were sexual beings.

Teenagers that age are just coming to terms with their own sexuality. They can also be somewhat selfish and self-absorbed. While it may be a family matter to some extent, it really is between the mother and father.

My little brother is very close to me now and, more important, close to my children, who are nearer in age to him. I hope that mother won't let the temporary opinion of the daughters ruin a beautiful experience of a shared love. -- CHERYL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: "Expecting" should ask her daughters to be a part of the baby's life, such as going to doctor's appointments, picking out clothes, decorating the room, giving name suggestions and having them participate in a baby shower. -- STEPHANIE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: When my mother was 42, my baby brother was born. I was 17 when I became his nanny and learned how to take care of a baby. It was an experience that made me more mature. After I married, I was never able to have my own children.

Please don't listen to your daughters. I know what it's like. Perhaps they are jealous that they have to share their parents. My mom and dad were the oldest parents at PTA meetings, graduations, etc., but they were proud of my younger brother. Many times people thought they were the grandparents. We shared many laughs during those years. -- EILEEN IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married seven years and have two beautiful children. Overall, the time we have been together has been wonderful, although we do sometimes argue.

On more than one occasion, my husband has shared his concern that I am cheating on him. I have never been unfaithful, nor have I ever given him any reason to think I would be. He's worried because he knows my father was unfaithful to my mother many years ago. We both learned about it because my mother shared it while discussing my brother and his wife.

Having had no prior knowledge of this period in my parents' lives, I was shocked. I didn't grow up around it and was never taught that cheating is OK. How can I get my husband to stop putting me in the same category as my father?

He says he read that cheating is hereditary so I'm bound to do it. He throws the same accusation at me any time he gets upset with me. It's starting to affect my hope for our future because I don't think he will ever trust that I love him and don't plan to commit adultery. -- NOT LIKE DEAR OLD DAD

DEAR NOT LIKE DEAR OLD DAD: I don't know where your husband "read" that adultery is hereditary, but it's time you asked to see the source of his misinformation because it's wrong. You are not responsible for your father's behavior, and for your husband to imply that because your father strayed you will is, frankly, insulting.

If you are accused of infidelity any time there's a disagreement, you two aren't getting to the root of what's really wrong in your marriage, and it's time to get professional marriage counseling.

DEAR ABBY: We just hosted the family for our annual post-Christmas get-together. My brother-in-law's girlfriend of many years was on her cellphone during the cocktail hour, the entire dessert course and the gift exchange. When I mentioned to my husband how rude she was, he told me she had been checking football scores and cheering/commenting while my daughter was playing the violin song her ensemble had played for the holiday concert.

I never answer my phone when I'm entertaining guests because they are where my attention should be. My daughters have been taught that it's rude to be on the phone during dinner and when guests are over.

How can I nip this in the bud without causing a rift with my brother-in-law, whom I love dearly? If "Pseudo Auntie" does not want to socialize with the people she has been invited to be with, she should stay home. -- OFFENDED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR OFFENDED: I agree with you that "Pseudo Auntie's" behavior was rude, and I don't blame you for feeling upset about it. I do not think that it should cause a rift if you were to tell your brother-in-law and his girlfriend that using her cellphone during the dinner you worked so hard to prepare, and during your daughter's violin recital, caused hurt feelings. And tell them that in the future you would like her to leave her phone elsewhere during family gatherings in your home.