Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: One of my friends says I work too much, that I have little to no time for myself or her, and when I'm off, I spend the majority of my time sleeping.

Abby, I'm a certified nursing assistant and work in a hospital that requires me to work 12-hour shifts. (7 a.m. to 7 p.m.) What should I do? Yes, they are long hours, but I love what I do. Does this make me a workaholic? -- LOVES MY WORK IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR LOVES: No. It makes you a lucky person who is dedicated to a profession she enjoys. What matters is that your schedule works for you, not for your friend, and that you get sufficient rest to do it efficiently.

DEAR ABBY: I go to the gym regularly. Part of my membership includes a free guest pass. Working out with others can be much more fun and a really good motivator. I have a friend who has taken me up on my offer to join me at the gym. She goes with me two to four times a week.

Initially, I made the offer to get her going. Never in a million years did I think she'd still be piggybacking off of my membership all these months later. Now that it has become routine, I feel bad saying anything to her. Should I suggest she get her own membership? Or must I just own this since I invited her along in the first place without clear and obvious boundaries? -- WORKING OUT AT THE GYM

DEAR WORKING: You have a right to draw the line. Tell your friend how pleased you are that she now works out regularly, and that because she seems to enjoy it, she should get a gym membership of her own. If she asks why, tell her it's so you can bring other people with you if you wish. If she objects, then she has been taking advantage of your generosity, and that's not how "friends" treat each other.

P.S. If money is an issue for her, you could always suggest she split the cost of your annual membership with you.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for four years, but we have been together for 11. She has three children whom I love and treat as my own. My problem is that my wife is a baker and lets the kids eat whatever, whenever, and as much as they want.

My older daughter has graduated from college, where she worked out regularly and lost weight. However, my son and younger daughter have ballooned to obese. I have tried to talk to my wife about instilling better eating habits, but it never materializes. Food with no nutritional value is consumed each school night, along with bowls of my wife's homemade ice cream. I know being obese will have lifelong consequences for them. How can I fix the problem and help them change how they eat? -- NEEDS GUIDANCE IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEEDS GUIDANCE: You're correct that childhood obesity can set the stage for lifelong health problems. I'm surprised your wife hasn't been told this by their doctor. If she thinks stuffing them with unhealthy food and failing to instill good eating habits is showing them "love," she's misguided.

If she is doing this because of some emotional need of her own, she may need both nutritional and emotional counseling to get past it. A step in the right direction would be for you to involve your kids in family time that includes exercise and encourage them to choose a sport that interests them and to pursue it. If you ask your older daughter, I'll bet she would be glad to support the idea.

TO MY READERS: A very merry Christmas to you all!

DEAR ABBY: My nephew, "Logan," is a sophomore in high school. He is a bright, awesome kid who is on the autism spectrum. He is very high-functioning, even on a higher level than Asperger's. But the social struggles/issues are still there. To this day, my sister refuses to tell Logan about his autism. She feels immense guilt and goes into panic mode every time I bring it up. She thinks he wouldn't be able to handle it.

The poor kid knows something is wrong but doesn't know what. Can I tell him? Or if it's morally wrong to tell him, can I tell him when he is 18? I am a nurse, and I strongly believe everyone should know everything about their conditions, mental as well as physical. But it's tough with my nephew because he is still a minor. -- CAN I TELL HIM?

DEAR CAN I TELL: Your sister may mean well, but keeping her son in the dark about why he is the way he is, is cruel. I agree that the boy should be told, but the person to persuade your sister to come clean would be your nephew's pediatrician, because it appears she has tuned you out on that subject. He should have been getting counseling and/or therapy to help him deal with his social issues.

If the conversation still hasn't happened by the time Logan turns 18, tell him then. He will probably be grateful to be able to put a label on what he's experiencing.

DEAR ABBY: My taste in music has changed throughout my life. I liked pop when I was young because that's what I heard played on the car radio. Then in eighth grade I started to like music from the '60s to the '90s. But now I'm a sophomore in high school, and I have become a fan of rap and electronic music.

A lot of adults think rap is trash. I understand that it may cover some mature subjects like selling drugs, violence, sex and living in the 'hood. But I still find rap songs to be a pleasure to listen to.

Am I wrong to enjoy rap music? This may sound irrational, but I know employers search social media profiles. If I make the fact that I enjoy rap public, will they reject me? These are just thoughts that have crossed my mind, so I'm asking for some advice. -- HIP-HOP FAN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FAN: As your experience illustrates, people's taste in music can change as they grow older. Many people enjoy listening to rap music without indulging in the lifestyle that's described -- including, I have heard, some of the performers who write and perform it.

If you like a particular genre of music, I see no reason why you can't continue to enjoy it. Although some employers check the internet profiles of prospective employees, I have never heard of an applicant being rejected for a job because of his taste in music.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Tonight at sundown the eight days of Hanukkah begin. Happy Hanukkah, everyone. May all of you enjoy a joyous festival of lights.

DEAR ABBY: I divorced last year after 14 years of marriage. We have a 10-year-old son together. While staying with his father on weekends, he has overheard his father and new girlfriend having sex. It has happened a couple of times, and each time my son comes home in tears. His father has promised to not let it happen again.

My son is now worried that I'm doing the same thing, and he is treating me like I am the child and he's the parent. He seems to think that people have sex only to have babies, and he is worried.

Do I need to get him some kind of counseling, or will this get better as he gets older and matures? I'm angry that his father didn't use his head before choosing his actions, and now I'm the one being punished for it. -- TOO MUCH FOR MY SON

DEAR TOO MUCH: If your son hasn't had "the talk" with you or his father, it should start immediately so he knows that having sex doesn't always mean the result will be babies. And while you're at it, tell your son that you are not planning to have any more children anytime soon, so he has no reason to worry about you.

DEAR ABBY: I volunteer at a local hospital. We were told in training not to come to work if we were sick. One volunteer I work with didn't heed what he was told and showed up last week sneezing and coughing. When I asked if he wanted to go home, he declined. Although I cleaned his workstation with an antiseptic, a few days later I came down with the worst cold I have had in years.

I take care not to do anything to jeopardize my good health, but I had no control over this situation. I think it is extremely thoughtless of sick people to expose co-workers to their germs. Please, people, stay home when you are sick! -- STILL RECOVERING IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR STILL RECOVERING: I hear you loud and clear, and I agree. Your co-worker should be ashamed of himself. If he infected you, I can only wonder how many of the patients were put at risk or infected. As soon as you saw your co-worker had come to work sick, you should have informed your supervisor. If you had, it might have saved you some misery.

DEAR ABBY: My so-called boyfriend asked me to marry him. The problem is, he's already married to a woman he married for financial reasons. He doesn't believe in divorce, so where does that leave me? Yes, I love him, but I feel hurt and my heart is heavy. He doesn't know that I know all of this, and if he did, he would probably be upset. What should I do? -- HURTING HEART

DEAR HURTING HEART: I know your heart is heavy. Any woman's heart would be if she found herself in your situation. If your boyfriend's wife knew what he was proposing, I'll bet SHE would believe in divorce.

Tell him to get lost, and run in the opposite direction! Whether it "upsets" him is irrelevant. The last thing you need is a cheater. He will never marry you because he's already married -- to his meal ticket.