Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: Some good friends of mine were unable to have kids because of a medical issue. They recently adopted a preteen daughter, and the adoption became final a few months ago.

They are now having an "adoption party" where everyone can come and hang out and just have a good time. What is the etiquette for such a celebration? It's being held at a park where there is lots to do. Should I bring a card, a gift for the child, something for the parents or nothing? -- CONFUSED IN ARIZONA

DEAR CONFUSED: What a wonderful occasion to celebrate! It would be thoughtful, generous and welcoming if you brought along a gift for the girl, and I'm sure it would be appreciated not only by their daughter but also by the new parents.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Paul," and I have been together for five years. We want to get married, but his mother is Catholic and she doesn't approve because I am an Alaskan native, which from her perspective makes me a pagan.

Paul hasn't attended church or held any Catholic views for many years, but he won't tell his mother because he's afraid it would devastate her. She has told me we are living in sin, that our marriage could cause him to be excommunicated, and if we have children, they'll be bastards who will go to hell.

I am hurt and confused over this and don't know what to do or say about it. Every time I try to talk to her, she tries to persuade me to convert, which I don't want to do. I'd like to have a relationship with her, but I don't want to have to change who I am for her to approve of me or my future children. What advice can you give me to help me get through my situation? -- DOOMED TO HELL IN ALASKA

DEAR "DOOMED": Are you sure your boyfriend WANTS to be married? Your problem isn't his mother; it's that he can't find the backbone to tell her he plans to marry you with or without her approval.

Paul's mother's thinking is outdated. Non-Catholic Alaskan natives are not "pagan"; the majority are Christian. As for your future children being "bastards doomed to hell" -- she's repeating an ancient prejudice, and that's all it is. It is no longer the position of the Catholic Church to excommunicate people who marry out of the faith.

You asked my advice; here it is: The woman is a religious bigot. She's unlikely to ever approve of you or stop trying to convert you, and it has gone beyond the point of concern for your soul to just plain insulting. She isn't going to change, and as long as your boyfriend is afraid of "devastating" her, your situation won't change either. A marriage to him under these conditions won't be easy, so please think twice about it.

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that it's important to keep their dogs on a leash for their pets' protection as well as the protection of those around them. In my community, leash laws are rarely enforced, and it's common to see dogs running loose in city parks. The result is an increase in dogfights and unwelcome contact with people. Coyote attacks are also common here in the West, and small dogs are often the victims.

If other dog owners kept their dogs leashed, I wouldn't have to worry about them bounding up to mine and the ensuing dogfight that follows when my dogs interpret that behavior as a threat. Remember, just because you think your dog is friendly, that doesn't mean all the other dogs are. If people would just keep their dogs leashed, it would avert a myriad of problems for the dogs and their owners. -- MARGE IN PHOENIX

DEAR MARGE: I'm glad you wrote. Unless dog owners are in an area where it is designated their animals can run loose -- such as an off-leash dog park -- their pets should be leashed for their own safety as well as that of others. Off-leash dog parks (and beaches) provide a place for pets to exercise and socialize while also encouraging compliance with leash and "scoop" laws.

Pet owners must remember that coyotes are intelligent and highly adaptable. While they mostly do their hunting at night, they have also been known to "grab a snack" during the day if they happen to be hungry -- to the dismay of owners of small pets. And when I say "grab," I'm being literal. It has happened in an instant in front of the owner.

DEAR ABBY: I'm moving in a few weeks and have asked my girlfriend of two years to move in with me. She's considering it, but I suspect she's unsure about it because I am pretty messy at times -- underwear tossed on the floor, plates piling up in the kitchen every other day, etc.

I know if I could get my act together she would happily move in, which is something I really want. Can you please give me some tips on becoming better at cleaning? I would hate for her to move in and feel like my maid, or worse, not move in at all. -- READY TO COHABIT

DEAR READY: Your problem may be less that you're messy than that you're a procrastinator. These are some basics: Buy a large wicker basket and keep it in a corner of your bedroom or closet. When the underwear and socks come off, toss them into the basket instead of on the floor. When you remove your pants and shirt, instead of throwing them over a chair, hang them up.

After you're finished eating, either put your plate, silverware, etc., into the dishwasher, or hand-wash them immediately and put them where they belong. Try it for a week, and you'll be amazed at how tidy your place will be.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for five. We have an 8-year-old daughter. Yes, the math is clear -- she was a "love child." My family is religious, and although I was 22 at the time of my pregnancy, they announced that I would not be having a baby shower because I had conceived in sin and it wouldn't look right.

My sister and her husband of five years recently announced that she is pregnant and I am expected to attend showers and parties for her. Am I wrong for not wanting to go? I'll gladly send a gift and be there when the baby is born, but I'd prefer to avoid having to attend any social function where I am shamed for living differently. Her friends are so judgmental that if they suspect you smoke, drink or curse, they roll their eyes and go out of their way to avoid you. -- SHAMED IN DELAWARE

DEAR SHAMED: Baby showers are intended to welcome a new life into the world. They are not supposed to be vehicles for shaming anyone. Frankly, I'm surprised that some of your less religiously fervent friends didn't get together to see that you were given one. Because you and your sister's judgmental crowd have so little in common and you would prefer to avoid them, you have my blessing.

DEAR ABBY: Two teenage boys who live on our block frequently ride their skateboards in the street. They wear no protective padding or helmets and pay no attention to their surroundings. They stay out at all hours in the summer, come flying into the street and swerve over both lanes of traffic. I have seen cars narrowly avoid hitting them many times, and I hear cars honking at them and drivers shouting.

Their parents don't seem to care. They also let their dogs run loose around the neighborhood and into the street, and often back out of their driveway without looking. I know I'll get nowhere speaking to them.

I'm terrified that I'll hit one of the boys with my car. I have come close twice and got dirty looks from them both times. I warn my visitors to watch out for them. I'm afraid it's only a matter of time before something awful happens, and I don't want to go to jail or live with a lifetime of guilt because of their irresponsible behavior. Any ideas? -- NERVOUS IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR NERVOUS: Regardless of whether you think it will get you anywhere, talk to the parents about how dangerous their teenagers' behavior is, and when you do, explain that there have been a couple of near misses. After that, if the boys continue to ride in the street, mention it to your local police department and perhaps the boys will be cited for their recklessness. (Some communities have ordinances requiring the use of helmets.) If the dogs create a nuisance, contact animal control. After that, que sera, sera, and your conscience should be clear.

DEAR ABBY: As a 13-year-old girl, how can I look presentable? Doesn't looking presentable attract boys? -- NEW AT IT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NEW AT IT: Looking presentable attracts everyone. It doesn't have to involve spending a lot of money. Bathe or shower regularly, be sure your hair is combed and tidy and the clothes you wear are clean. Looking presentable sends a message that you have pride in yourself and respect for others -- and that includes adults and other girls.