DEAR ABBY: My wife of 15 years is a beautiful lady I find more attractive every day. I compliment her often, but her self-image isn't particularly good. She's a top-level executive -- not your typical "girly-girl."

She has never been the sexy-dress type, in the bedroom or out in public. She doesn't have to dress up for work on a daily basis and prefers wearing sweats at home, which is fine 99 percent of the time.

I have asked her for a special night out in which she would dress up for me, just a bit on the sexy side, followed by some late-night fun at home. When I do, she laughs off the idea and says I'm silly.

I'm certainly not the only one who finds her attractive. She gets compliments from others often. How do I find another approach to this? Or am I being selfish? -- HOPING IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HOPING: I don't think a husband telling his wife what he would like is selfish. The key to a satisfying marriage is communication. I do think it's wrong of her to belittle you by telling you your fantasy is silly. It's not. Many couples enjoy occasionally dressing up and role-playing. Take her shopping so you can pick out something together that's dressier than sweats or what she would wear to work, and perhaps you can arrive at a compromise.

DEAR ABBY: My mom gives my older brother an allowance because he's a fugitive from the law (outstanding warrants) and lives in another country. I have told her repeatedly that she's enabling him, and he will expect it for the rest of his life, but she insists that "one day" he'll survive on his own, even though he has always squandered money.

She expects me to continue supporting him after she dies since I am the only legal child left. She says if she doesn't pay him, he'll be homeless, and I will be responsible for him since I will inherit her estate.

I have helped my brother a lot in the past, but inevitably he gets upset with the helper (including Mom) because he feels entitled. I don't want my brother to be homeless, but he has already received his share of her estate because she has been paying for him for years and I haven't received any aid. What seems fair? -- THE OTHER SIBLING

DEAR OTHER SIBLING: What's fair is that you realize your mother's money is hers to do with as she wishes. Perhaps it's time you and your mother discuss setting up a trust for your brother. An attorney who specializes in wills and trusts can help her do this and determine what is fair.

If you do, it may accomplish two goals: First, it will put your mother's mind at ease, and second, it will remove any responsibility for your brother from your shoulders, which should save you a world of aggravation. Please consider it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been wondering for a long time if there is any rule of etiquette about who should greet whom first when a co-worker arrives at the workplace. Should the working person greet the incoming person first, or the other way around? -- CURIOUS GEORGE

DEAR GEORGE: In cases like this, the more outgoing co-worker usually says hello first -- not because any rule of etiquette demands it, but because of his or her personality. If you are standing on ceremony waiting to be greeted, speak up or you will appear to be unfriendly.

DEAR ABBY: I am a stay-at-home mom who doesn't work. My husband wants me at home, and I'm OK with that, but the problem is, he is now working two jobs and I never see him.

When he gets home, he's so exhausted he can't keep his eyes open. He sleeps only four hours a night. I'm afraid he will crash and burn from overwork and lack of sleep. I also miss him and want to be with him. With no time together, I feel like I'm losing him.

How can I make this work? I don't want to put pressure on him or make him feel bad, but I need him. I told him I'd get a part-time job, but he said he works for the both of us and that was the end of that conversation. I don't want to lose my marriage over this! Do you have any advice that might help? -- LOSING HIM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR LOSING HIM: I don't blame you for being concerned. What your husband is doing isn't healthy for him, for you or for your marriage. It's time to discuss this with him more fully than it appears you have been able to so far.

He seems to be old-fashioned in his views about marriage. Generations ago, husbands were expected to be the sole provider, but economic reality has put an end to that. Today, both spouses work, primarily because they need to.

It may take mediation along with some input from his doctor to make your husband face reality, but he needs to understand that you are worried sick about him, that you're not happy with things as they are and that you are starting your job search.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a widow for almost a year. I have met someone I really like and we have started to date. My roommate, "Eva," encouraged me to meet this man (I'll call him Warren) and get to know him if it would make me happy, so I did. Warren and I have a lot in common. We can talk to each other for hours.

Eva now tells me she doesn't like having Warren at the house because it "reminds her of how alone and single" she is. She says she doesn't want him here even if she isn't home. This is causing problems because my work schedule makes it easier to have him over for coffee so we can talk before I leave for work, or on days off when she's at work and I'm at home.

When I offer to set Eva up on dates, she refuses. She told me she "hates" men and all of them are nothing but liars and cheaters. Please help. I want to help my friend and also to have a good relationship with Warren. I feel happiest when we're together, but I don't want to lose my friend over this. -- TORN IN TWO OUT WEST

DEAR TORN: Because of Eva's aversion to men, continuing to try fixing her up isn't going to work. You didn't mention whose name is on the lease, but if it's Eva's -- and she's not comfortable with Warren coming to visit -- consider moving to a place of your own or in with a roommate who's not jealous.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 26-year-old who is about to come out as transgender. I was born a male and will be transitioning into a female. My family doesn't know yet, and I have been debating for the past couple of years how to tell them.

My parents divorced when I was 2, and had a rocky relationship until recently. They both are now remarried and living happy lives. Can you please tell me how to tell them that I am a transgender woman? I would love to bring both of them together and talk, just the three of us, but I don't know if that would be the best option. What do I do? -- TRANSGENDER IN ARIZONA

DEAR TRANSGENDER: Regardless of whether your parents have remarried, they are still your mom and dad. If you have something that needs to be discussed with them, you should absolutely bring them together to talk privately about it. It would be the best way to give them the news.

Because you're looking for the words to explain what you're planning to tell them, contact PFLAG for suggestions. It is an organization that has been helping gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals to come out for many years. To contact it, go to pflag.org.

DEAR ABBY: I have an amazing grandmother who has five daughters, one son, and more than 30 grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She has been widowed for 10 years. She lives on her own after a short second marriage that ended quickly in divorce. Her only companions now are her dog and her fellow residents in an independent living home for seniors.

Gran is able to drive, but chose not to buy a car, so on my only day off, I feel guilty if I don't take her to the places she needs to go for the week. She says I'm the only one in our large family she can rely on. Most of us live fairly close by, but I'm who she calls for emergencies, to take her to the hospital or simply the grocery store.

I love her and jump to help because I would hate to see anything happen to her. But what can I do, Abby? I feel like I'm having to make up for what others are not doing for their mother and grandmother. -- CARING GRANDDAUGHTER IN KENTUCKY

DEAR GRANDDAUGHTER: Your feelings are accurate; what's happening is unfair to you. I suggest that you discuss this with your parents, aunts, uncle and cousins and see if perhaps each family unit would be willing to help your grandmother with these errands on a rotational basis -- say a week a month. There are so many of you that it wouldn't be onerous.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I have a friend who douses herself with perfume. I am extremely allergic to the smell of perfume. The last time she got into my car, I nearly passed out. Without throwing her out of my car, what is the right approach? -- NAUSEATED UP NORTH

DEAR NAUSEATED: The right approach would be to head this friend off at the pass. The next time you know you will be providing the transportation, explain IN ADVANCE how perfume affects you and ask her not to wear any. And if she "forgets," tell her the minute you get a whiff that she'll have to call a taxi.