DEAR ABBY: My husband recently disclosed to me that he was sexually abused by his cousin, who was the same age, when he was in high school. She blackmailed him by threatening to tell everyone he had raped her. She used this power over him to coax sexual favors but never intercourse.

After a year of looking for help, he confided in his mother, but she ended up getting drunk and telling the whole family about the situation. Luckily, he was able to convince most of them it was "just the alcohol talking." At that point, his cousin finally found a boyfriend and stopped blackmailing him.

This all happened five years ago. He hasn't lived in the same state as his mom or the abuser in three years. I can tell that by confiding in me he feels much better, but I'm worried that he blames himself for his mother's alcoholism and his ruined relationships with his close friends in high school. I'm also not sure whether or not we can bring his abuser to justice. -- CONCERNED SPOUSE

DEAR CONCERNED SPOUSE: Encourage your husband to talk to a licensed psychotherapist about what was done to him. Victims sometimes blame themselves. I seriously doubt that his mother's alcohol abuse had anything to do with him. That she betrayed his confidence instead of helping him was terrible. A therapist can explain all this to him, and help him to see things clearly so he can decide how to proceed.

DEAR ABBY: I'm planning on getting married this year, but I have cold feet. One day I want to be married; the next day I don't. My fiancee is my best friend, and we have been dating for more than four years. Is there any way to get over wedding jitters and live life to the fullest? -- COLD FEET IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR COLD FEET: An intelligent way to work through your jitters would be to talk them through. Consider premarital counseling with your fiancee. A number of subjects will be raised during the sessions, including both of your feelings regarding handling money, having children (and raising them), and even the fact that such a big step gives you butterflies. Please let me know if this helps. I wish you and your fiancee a long and happy union.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old bisexual girl, and I have a big problem with relationships. They make me feel awkward. I don't like holding hands and the mushy-gushy stuff hurts my soul. I'm asking for help to come out to my parents and also what I should do about not liking relationships. Am I the only one like this? I told my friend once, and she was really confused. -- AWKWARD TEEN IN TEXAS

DEAR AWKWARD: I do not think you should come out to your family until you are sure of exactly who you are. From the tone of your letter, you appear to be still trying to figure that out -- which is completely normal for someone your age.

Please do not put any labels on yourself right now. Concentrate on school, friends, things you enjoy. Give it time, and I predict that in a year or two, when you are more clear about things, you will know what to do.

DEAR ABBY: I've been in a committed relationship for 19 years, and have been married for three years. My husband is wonderful, except he has absolutely no sex drive. And of course, in the true nature of opposition, mine is off the charts.

I have met another man who is in a loveless marriage. He says they don't have intimate relations, and she knows he has had "flings" over the years. He has asked me to be his newest "friend with benefits." He's attractive, employed, and wants only a physical relationship. (I suspect their marriage is tied to his business, but I'm not sure.)

I'm honestly tempted, because I'm lonely in that regard. No marriage is perfect, by any means, but am I biting off more than I can chew even if I get my husband's permission (which he would likely give), and assuming this man is telling the truth about his wife? What to do? -- DESPERATE IN THE NORTH

DEAR DESPERATE: While some open marriages have been known to work if the husband and wife are willing, I hesitate to recommend it. You describe yourself as desperate. You must be desperate to consider becoming someone's latest "fling."

Did your husband's low sex drive exist before your marriage, or is it something new? If it is recent, there may be medical help for his problem -- if he is willing to talk to his doctor about it. Please suggest it before you do anything else.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a new relationship (six months) with a man who treats me like gold. He's kind, affectionate and a great man, except for one thing.

His office building is right next to mine, which is how we met. During work hours I'm extremely busy and don't generally have time to hang out or take breaks. If I do, it may be to run a quick errand or grab a sandwich with a co-worker.

Abby, I have worked here for eight years, and I don't invite anyone to socialize during work hours. He texts me that he's outside my building, or he says he just dropped by to say "hi" or "bye." If he sees me pull in at my office, he will wave me down or jog over to walk me to work.

My professional life has always been separate from my personal life. I need my work hours to myself, and I have told him this numerous times. I have asked him not to come by and explained that my 9-to-5 is for work. He just doesn't get it.

I don't want to end my relationship over this, but I love my job. It is important that I be focused at work. I don't think it's appropriate to be hugging, kissing and embracing in front of my office. We see each other after work every day. Please give me a solution, because I am at my wits' end! -- WANTS TO WORK ALONE

DEAR WANTS TO WORK ALONE: Because you have told this man repeatedly that you aren't comfortable with him dropping by during work hours or engaging in public displays of affection where you can be observed, it's time to "up the ante." The next time it happens, tell him you think he's terrific, but if he can't respect your work ethic and your boundaries, it might jeopardize your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I've been with my boyfriend, "Jake," for two years. We are both 32. Since the beginning, his sister, "Michelle" (who is 26), has never liked me. Jake admits there's no reason for it. He thinks she's just looking out for him because he's had bad relationships in the past.

Michelle makes me very uncomfortable during family events by making rude comments, and she makes a point of excluding me from any event she is hosting. She has told people that I "shoved her" and accuses me of refusing to let her talk to her brother. Neither is true.

I have asked Jake to ask his sister to apologize and make amends, but he insists she'll do it when "hell freezes over." He thinks I should try to make amends even though I have never done anything wrong.

I'm at a loss. I don't think I should apologize for something I've never done. Abby, she has belittled me in any encounter we've had. The rest of the family shrugs and says, "That's just the way she is." Michelle has never liked any of Jake's girlfriends, so this seems to be a pattern for her. I'm afraid it will eventually lead to the end of Jake's and my relationship.

I love him very much, and I wish he could see my side on this. Could you please give me some advice, Abby? -- NOT MY FAULT IN ALBERTA, CANADA

DEAR NOT MY FAULT: Michelle's fixation on her brother isn't normal or healthy. That Jake has been willing to tolerate it and not warn her to knock it off means that as long as you are with him, you will be subjected to her mistreatment. You may love Jake, but as long as he is under the thumb of his jealous and possessive sister, you will continue to be abused and maligned. My advice is to cut your losses.

DEAR ABBY: I am an African-American woman who was in a relationship with a Hispanic man. I am now a single parent of a beautiful 6-month-old son who is my pride and joy.

My biracial son, who looks exactly like me, is very fair-skinned. My problem is, any time I leave the house with him, strangers feel the need to ask me rude questions. I have been asked about my child's father's ethnicity, and asked if I was baby-sitting someone else's child. I'm left flabbergasted and speechless. What should I say the next time a stranger asks about my son's race, which is none of their business? -- COLORBLIND IN TEXAS

DEAR COLORBLIND: It's normal for people to be curious. If I were you, I wouldn't tell them it's none of their business because if you do, you will come across as angry and defensive. When your son is older, it may make him wonder if there is something wrong with his appearance. A better way to handle it would be to matter-of-factly just tell the truth and move on.