DEAR ABBY: My wife and I and our 13-year-old son live in a nice home we have been remodeling for the last eight years. The problem is, my wife has a hard time getting rid of anything, and she constantly brings home "new projects" that take up space but never get done. At one point, we hired a professional organizer because we had reached the point of having "goat trails" as the only means of navigating our way around the house. We also have a barn that is chockablock full.

I have heard that the root cause may be due to an anomaly on a chromosome. How should I approach my wife about getting some genetic testing done? Her mom is also a professional pack rat. The clutter is taking its toll on our relationship -- we are in marriage counseling -- and on our family. We have so much stuff I can't breathe. -- SUFFOCATING IN MONTANA

DEAR SUFFOCATING: It is interesting that your wife's mother also has this problem. Hoarding is related to obsessive-compulsive disorder, which can run in families, and has been known to be associated with depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder.

It couldn't hurt if your wife had genetic testing done, but the suggestion might be better coming from the marriage counselor rather than from you, because if she hears it from you, she might become defensive or resistant.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked at the same small company for 25 years. All but one of the employees have been with this company for more than 20 years. "Grace" has been here only three years. She is pleasant, funny, trustworthy and easy to be around. However, she never brings her own lunch.

If something is in the refrigerator, she feels it is fair game to eat it. If I bring something she wants, she will come up to me, take the bag and ask, "What's for lunch this week?"

I keep snacks in my desk, and she knows which drawer I keep them in. When I reach for something to hold me over, sometimes the drawer will be empty and the bag will be on her desk or in her trash. It infuriates me.

I have made subtle comments on how this upsets me. I have progressed to no longer bringing my lunch. I know she can afford her own lunch. She earns more than I do and doesn't have children or a mortgage. How do I tell this woman to keep her hands off my lunch and snacks? -- HUNGRY IN HOUSTON

DEAR HUNGRY: How "trustworthy" can Grace be if she steals your food? When her outrageous behavior and petty thievery started, you shouldn't have hinted -- you should have told the woman to keep her hands off your lunch and out of your desk drawers. If she didn't respect your wishes, you should have reported it to your supervisor or your boss.

It's still not too late to do that, and I suggest that if there isn't a policy in your company handbook pertaining to this kind of pilfering that one be included.

DEAR ABBY: I am at the end of my wits, and I need some answers. I am almost 13 and dread being a teenager because I don't want things to be complicated. I used to have depression and felt suicidal, but I never told anybody. I eventually got over it and am now physically fine. But I'm not emotionally stable.

Recently, I was told things I don't know how to react to. Among them was, "Wow, your voice is deep," and, "Your laugh sounds like a witch." Most of the time I'm a happy-go-lucky person, but in the last few weeks I have been flickering from happy to sad and have no idea how I feel. It's almost like I don't know who I am anymore. I'm wondering, is this a mental disorder? Or am I simply being silly? -- CONFUSED TEEN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFUSED: I do not think you are being silly. However, I DO think you should have been discussing your feelings with your parents since the time you began feeling depressed to the point of feeling suicidal.

Whether or not your mood swings are symptoms of something serious, I'm not qualified to say. But I hope you will show this letter to your parents and tell them you wrote it. If you do have some sort of mental disorder (which I doubt), the sooner you are properly diagnosed and treated, the better it will be for you.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I attended a party hosted by a well-respected couple who love to entertain. They have a spotless, beautiful home and are the essence of what you would hope to find in party hosts. Upon our arrival, we were greeted at the door, but before we could step inside, the stench of cat urine overpowered us. It was overwhelming, and we have to assume that everyone else smelled it, too.

My wife and I are torn about what to do. We have great respect for this couple. They are pillars of our community.

I say, to save future embarrassment, that an anonymous, carefully written note alerting them to this odor should be sent to them, saying that a problem "may" exist and providing them the opportunity to resolve the smell. My wife says absolutely not. Your thoughts? -- FELINE BLUES IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR FELINE BLUES: If you lack the courage to sign your name, do not send the letter. It isn't unheard of that pet owners become so used to the odors in their homes that they no longer smell them. Either address the problem head on -- politely, of course -- or refuse further invitations and invite the couple out instead.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was recently married. A close family member -- a cousin -- gave her and our son-in-law a check at the reception. The check bounced.

It's been more than a month since the check was returned to them, and I'm sure their bank charged them for the overdraft. I was waiting, hoping they would reach out to my daughter or me and send a replacement check.

Should I call my cousin directly? I feel deep down that he must not know this happened because he would have done something about it. -- BOUNCED CHECK IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR B.C.: If you "know" deep down that this may have escaped your cousin's notice, call him, let him know what happened and let him explain.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for five years, yet I can't seem to make headway. I constantly obsess about my failed marriage and the fact that my ex has moved on and remarried. I plot every day how to make his life miserable, which gives me some relief. I have been to counseling, but can't seem to move forward. I don't want to be stuck in this rut forever. Please help me. -- CAN'T GET OVER IT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CAN'T: The quickest way out of the rut would be to find another licensed therapist and get more counseling. Clearly, the first one didn't help you.

Plotting to make your ex's life miserable is not the answer. Acquiring the tools to make your own life better is the healthy, constructive way to go. And while you're at it, keep busy with activities you enjoy so you'll have less time to fixate on your situation.

DEAR ABBY: I am married with two small children. Last year, my job of 18 years was outsourced overseas. Since then I have had an opportunity to go back to school and further my education. It sounds great, and I know a lot of people would jump at the chance, but I'm miserable. I hate going back to school.

My husband, "Clay," is insisting that I finish so I can get a high-paying job. I'd love to stay home and care for our kids, one of whom has high-functioning autism. Clay has never been a good provider. Paying the bills has always been up to me. Everyone says I should stick it out and graduate, but I feel like I'm neglecting our children and I'm grumpy all the time. I feel like a horrible mom.

There is no way to lighten the class load. What should I do? Quit and seek a job at which I can work a normal day and then go home and care for my kids? Or tough it out and be miserable for another year? -- STUDENT STUCK IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR STUDENT: To stay at home and care for your children would take the cooperation of your under-providing husband, and he's unwilling to do that. I don't think you have much choice other than to continue your studies and return to helping support your family financially -- including him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my mid-20s and haven't lived in my mother's home in more than four years. However, mail still occasionally comes for me at her address. Whenever it happens, my mother opens it.

Typically, she goes through the song and dance of telling me I've received mail, asking if I want her to open it (no, thank you), then saying she'll set it aside. Yet, by the time it reaches me, it has been opened.

When I try to talk to her about it, she claims that because she lives alone she's not in the habit of looking at the name on the front of the envelopes. If this had happened only once or twice, I'd believe it was an honest mistake. But it is every envelope, every time. What can I do? I don't think this is something I should have to grin and bear. -- FRUSTRATED BUFFALO GIRL

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Mail is considered to be private property. When another party breaches that privacy, that person may be guilty of mail tampering, which is a crime. You should have explained that fact to your mother when you first realized that what she was doing wasn't an accident.

Because this annoys you so much that you have written to me about it, and if you haven't already done so, register your change of address with the post office so your mail can be delivered properly, and contact those who may not know that you have moved, so this won't keep happening.