DEAR ABBY: I have a 14-year-old daughter I have raised alone. Her father has never been in her life, nor has he been in the lives of his other children with other women. He has a long history of criminal behavior and mental illness. Although he hasn't been part of her life, I have done everything in my power to keep her in touch with her siblings.

I just learned via the news and social media that her brother who is also 14 (and lives nearby with his grandparents), is being charged with two counts of capital murder. He reportedly shot both his grandparents. He had no other previous issues, and there were no warning signs.

I am torn inside trying to figure out how to break the news to my daughter. She's going through her own teenage issues, and I'm afraid the news will crush her. I need to figure this out ASAP, before she hears about it at school or from social media. My other major concern as a parent is, could their father have passed along to her his mental illness? -- SCARED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SCARED: This kind of awful news travels via television, social media and word of mouth faster than lightning. By the time this letter is published, your daughter will have already learned about this family tragedy.

Rarely, if ever, does this kind of acting out happen in a vacuum. Healthy children and young adults rarely -- if ever -- "snap" out of nowhere. Because you are concerned about the level of stress your daughter is experiencing, please waste no time in scheduling some sessions for both of you with a licensed mental health professional. If this will create financial hardship, contact the department of mental health in your community because through it you may be able to find a therapist who charges on a sliding financial scale.

DEAR ABBY: My beloved husband died in 1993 from an AIDS-related cancer. He contracted the disease from a blood transfusion during surgery. I elected to tell only close family members about his HIV. I was still quite young when he died.

Now when people ask me why I didn't remarry, I don't know how to reply. I didn't contract the disease from him, but people are still fearful of the word AIDS. I have never dated or sought a relationship with a man since my husband's passing. I still love him and have no regrets, but I don't know what to say. Please help. -- LONGTIME WIDOW

DEAR LONGTIME WIDOW: You are under no obligation to tell your life story to someone who asks that question casually. To someone like that, all you should say is what you wrote to me, "I still love him, and I have no regrets." The rest is nobody's business.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to "Blessed in New York" (Aug. 4), the mom who gave birth to her precious daughter on Christmas Day and wondered if maybe she should have timed her pregnancy better.

Our daughter was born on Dec. 20. When she was only a few years old, we purchased a 2-foot-tall artificial tree and named it the "birthday tree." She could decorate it every year however she liked. Any birthday presents went under that tree. That made her day special. When she got married and moved out, her birthday tree went with her. -- BLESSED, TOO, IN INDIANA

DEAR BLESSED, TOO: I enjoyed reading the letters from you and other readers who are Christmas babies or have a family member who is one. Their upbeat, positive experiences made me smile. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was born on Christmas Eve. From the time she was 5 and able to recognize that her birthday cards were getting scrambled in with the other holiday cards, we started celebrating on June 24 -- her half-birthday. She gets excited every year as it nears. She'll be 32. Celebrating her half-birthday was the best thing we could have decided to do, and I have no regrets. -- MOM OF A CHRISTMAS BABY

DEAR ABBY: I was born in December and I love my birthday! My mother, grandmother, sister-in-law and niece were also born in December. It's a great time to have a birthday. Everything is decorated for the holidays, and most people are in a good mood. My family never blended the occasions, so that helped.

As to people's comments, my reply is: "Everyone has a birthday. Mine just happens to be at Christmastime, so please acknowledge that." The only thing I do wish is, if I receive a birthday gift, I hope it's wrapped in birthday paper and not Christmas wrap. -- HOLLY IN ARKANSAS

DEAR ABBY: I do not recommend celebrating the kid's half-birthday in June. In June, people are away at camp or on vacation, and there's no one to invite to the party.

Early December is a perfect time for a birthday party. Sports are over and the holiday parties haven't started, school is still in session so everyone is still around. Another good time is early January, right after school starts again but the other activities haven't yet geared up. -- BUSY DECEMBER MOM

DEAR ABBY: Fifty-five years ago my husband and I weren't thinking ahead either. Our son was born on Christmas Day. He still thinks that's great.

Christmas always lasted until after the presents were opened and the kitchen was cleaned following lunch. Then it was birthday time! It was special because his long-distance grandparents were always there.

When he became old enough for birthday parties, he could choose to have it on any day while school was out for the holiday break -- either before or after Christmas. It worked well for our family and it might for others, too. -- CAROLYN IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Tell that new mom to cheer up. My mother was born on Christmas Day and she loved it. She said the reason was no one ever forgot it, and everyone got the day off! -- SARA IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: My husband met a gal 33 years younger than he is at a doctor's office. It seems they "became close," so they went off and bought real estate together in another state. They spend weeks at a time together there alone.

When they are both here in town, they have "business" meetings several times a week. I am not allowed to attend, know when they take place or even ask what was discussed. They never have phone conversations while I'm near, and their texts to each other are "none of my business."

My husband's words: "I don't know why you're so mad; you're just jealous." Your thoughts, please? -- PEEVED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PEEVED: You live in a community property state. Half of your husband's share of whatever property he and this woman bought together belongs to you.

My first thought is your husband is having a fling and lying about not knowing why you are angry. He's right that you are jealous. You have every right to be.

My second thought is that you should consult an attorney ASAP. I don't know how much you know about your husband's finances, but a forensic accountant can help you unearth any assets he may be hiding or has already buried. After that, it will be up to you to decide whether you want to continue in a marriage with someone who would treat you so shabbily.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I treated our 24-year-old granddaughter to dinner and a historical city tour. When we stopped by to pick her up, she came out of the house wearing a skin-tight top that laced up the front, with a 3-inch gap from top to bottom and no bra.

My first reaction was to ask her to change, thinking it was highly inappropriate. Her grandfather thought we should just let it go, so we went out for the evening. Nothing was mentioned regarding her attire, but I was extremely uncomfortable. What is your opinion? -- BUTTONED UP IN INDIANA

DEAR BUTTONED UP: Your granddaughter is an adult. For you to have asked her to change clothes would have been awkward for everyone concerned. While her choice of outfit may have been revealing, if there was any embarrassment, it should not have been yours. If you prefer she dress more modestly when she's with you, the next time you invite her to go someplace, say so.

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to offer a tip for those men about to pop the "big question" to their girlfriends: Let your fiancee pick out the ring style she will be wearing for the rest of her life. Arrange with a jeweler to have a tray of rings in different styles in your price range. Then present a ring with the proposal with the understanding it can be exchanged. -- WISE SOUTHERNER

DEAR SOUTHERNER: This is a subject that has been addressed in my column several times. A practical way to handle it is for the man to talk to the jeweler about what he can afford to spend beforehand, so the stones will be available to display to his fiancee, as well as a variety of settings from which she can choose. And, if none are to her liking, she might prefer the option of designing her own setting. Many brides do.