DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my husband confessed that he was having an affair at work. Before it started, he tried setting "Velma" up with his twin brother, but she said she wasn't interested. Their affair lasted for months, until the guilt "ate him up." When he told me, I was devastated.

We agreed to get counseling and work on our marriage. Well, it turns out Velma was also seeing his brother while she was with my husband. Oh! And she had a baby, and we're not sure who the father is.

My brother-in-law claims he loves Velma and she loves him. I have been asked if I am willing to sit with her, my husband and brother-in-law to "clear the air." I don't think I can do it. Although I want my brother-in-law to be happy, at the same time, I don't want to ever be near this woman. Please help. -- LOSING MYSELF

DEAR LOSING YOURSELF: Has your brother-in-law married Velma? If not, I see no reason why you should be forced to clear anything with her. If the two of them have tied the knot, then I can see a benefit for you in having a discussion. Of course, that discussion should be in the office of a professional mediator, and you should first make a list of all the questions you would like her to answer.

At the top of the list would be why she was sleeping with your husband and his brother at the same time. Close to that one would be why she thinks you would ever want to have a relationship with her. Take it from there and add questions of your own.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Korean lady whose husband spends a lot of time on Facebook. He says it's to promote his books. (He loves to write.) I think he does it to get recognition from his Facebook "friends."

Well, that may be great for him. But my problem with him -- and Facebook -- is that sometimes he provides too much information about me. None of it is positive.

We had a fight two weeks ago, and the next thing I knew, I was reading about it on Facebook, all from his point of view. Before that, he complained he only got a bowl of cereal for breakfast when he would have liked a hot meal instead. Excuse me, but what's stopping him from making one for himself when I have to drop off the kids at school and go to work?

I feel hurt after reading what he's posting and ashamed for not being a "good enough" spouse. Am I overly sensitive or should I confront him about this? I could use some wise advice. -- EMBARRASSED IN KOREA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: By all means talk to your husband about what he's been doing, because if he has complaints, they should be directed to you rather than his Facebook buddies. If you feel compelled to defend yourself, you can always reply to his posts to set the record straight. If he continues to publicly discuss what should be a private matter, you might be less embarrassed if you read his posts less often or unfriend him altogether.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Karen," loves to sing karaoke along with many others, most of whom are vocally challenged. Listening to some of them can be grueling when we go out. Karen knows many of these "performers," and when they finish, she goes and tells them what a great job they've done. When I asked her why she gives the false compliments, she said, "I don't want to hurt their feelings."

Well, the same goes for Karen. The other singers compliment her to the point that she now believes she has a competition-worthy voice. In reality, while her voice isn't terrible, it's nowhere near what she thinks it is.

My wife is the love of my life and the nicest person I've ever known. I'm concerned for the future if someone should ever be honest with her about this because, so far, no one has been. Should I tell her the truth to save her from potential public embarrassment, or should I keep my mouth shut? -- COVERING MY EARS

DEAR COVERING: Unless your wife decides to audition for "American Idol," the chances of her being booed off stage are slim. You don't have to sing her praises, but I see nothing positive to be gained by diminishing her pleasure in performing. The word from here is: Keep your lip zipped.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful, kind sister-in-law I'll call "Margaret." Our sons were born in the same year. She has chosen to keep her son home, while I am sending mine to day care. Both boys are toddlers now. The problem is, my son is socialized, while hers is not.

Margaret's son is mean and unwilling to share or play with my child. He lacks empathy and seeks only adult attention. Because of his lack of socialization and outright unsafe behavior, I don't want my son around him. Am I wrong for not wanting him to be exposed to this behavior?

My husband says it's good for our little one to learn how to deal with mean behavior, since it will make him "tough." However, I don't feel it's our child's job to learn to be tough at such a young age. -- DAY CARE ACCEPTING MOMMY

DEAR DAY CARE MOMMY: Perhaps your son should see this cousin only when they will be closely supervised. Your child may learn to "toughen up" later, but at the age of 2 or 3, it's a bit premature. The child who may be in for trouble is his cousin, because learning concepts like sharing and empathy enable children to successfully socialize with others throughout their lives.

DEAR ABBY: I know for a fact that gifts I have given to family members are often immediately given away. Should I confront them about this? I'd like to suggest that instead of giving the gift away they please return it to me. Of course, I know I could just quit giving them gifts. But I'd like for them to know the reason, instead of appearing to be stingy. Anxious for your opinion. -- ANXIOUS IN FORT WORTH

DEAR ANXIOUS: This is a delicate situation, but it can be handled if you're careful not to cause embarrassment when you tell your relatives you know what they've been doing with your gifts. Perhaps, rather than say you will just quit giving them gifts, you should offer to give them gift cards for a store they like. That way they can have something they will enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for 15 years. Dad is remarried; my mother lives alone. My brother and I alternate holidays every year, and this year he was supposed to host our mother. Instead, he just informed me he has decided to invite our father and his wife to dinner, leaving our mother no place to go.

I would love to invite her to my in-laws' house, but my husband doesn't want her to come. When I told him he could take the kids to his family's house, he got very upset and told me I should consider him and our children first, before my mother.

So, what should I do? Should I leave my mom home alone on Christmas, or stay with her so she's not alone? -- WORRIED ABOUT MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WORRIED: Has your brother told your mother he won't be celebrating Christmas with her? If he hasn't, he should let her know now. Because your husband refuses to share Christmas with your mother, I assume their relationship is strained. If that's the case, it may be time for her to start mending fences.

As to whether you should sacrifice Christmas with your husband and children to be with her, I'm not sure you should. Your mother would be wise to learn to be more independent than she appears to be, and a way of doing that would be to start making plans of her own. If there is a church celebration, or an opportunity to volunteer in your community, suggest she investigate it. Also, consider seeing her on Christmas Eve, or for brunch or for lunch if she can't join you for dinner.

DEAR ABBY: I have my college degree and will be heading to graduate school next year. I suffer from ADHD, for which I cannot take medication. ADHD affects many aspects of my life, especially in a professional setting. It makes it difficult for me to do basic things, such as show up to work on time, remember appointments and plan and prioritize tasks.

I'm working with my psychologist on strategies to help me better manage daily life. But in the meantime, how can I communicate to my professors and employers that my troubles with "basic professionalism" stem from an actual diagnosed disability, and not laziness or lack of effort? -- GRAD SCHOOL-BOUND

DEAR GRAD SCHOOL-BOUND: Ask your psychologist to provide you with a letter stating your diagnosis that you can show your professors and employers. If you have written proof that you suffer from a diagnosed disability, they may be willing to work with you rather than be judgmental.

DEAR ABBY: I was at a friend's wedding and introduced myself to the groom's father. Because I was carrying something in my right hand, I extended my left hand. I'm no dead-fish guy, but the "lobster's" grip was so tight it crushed my ring into my finger, causing a bruise. I made no comment at the time, but now I am seething over his behavior. What might I have said, or should I say in some similar encounter? -- SORE IN SILICON VALLEY

DEAR SORE: Some men, in an attempt to prove their masculinity, tend to overdo it. It was within your rights to say, "Oww! Loosen up!" In the future, transfer whatever you're carrying in your right hand so you can observe the social amenities.