DEAR ABBY: My partner of 11 years has decided he is no longer in love with me. He says it's because he thinks I cheated on him. I have told him repeatedly that it didn't happen, which is the truth.

Long story short, he says he wants us to start over as friends and see where things go because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. However, he's sleeping with a 22-year-old here in the home we share. I love him so much that it hurts. When I tell him every day that I love him, he tells me he knows. Our relationship hasn't been a bed of roses, but we did have good times when we were able to do things together. Should I hold out for him, or tell him the "friends" thing is not going to work and cut ties altogether? -- CONFUSED AND LOST GUY

DEAR GUY: I don't blame you for feeling confused and lost, considering the mixed messages you have been getting from your partner. What you are experiencing now is, of course, painful. He is making excuses for wanting to trade you in for a newer model. This is why he is accusing you of having done something that he is doing under your nose.

The only true confession he has uttered is that he doesn't want to be in a relationship. That is your cue to head for the door, unless, of course, the roof over your head belongs to you. If your home is rented or jointly owned, other arrangements will have to be made. But for the sake of your sanity, do not live with him under these conditions, or he will make you old before your time.

DEAR ABBY: My family includes a niece and her husband with three kids ranging in age from 8 months to 7 years old. The middle child, a 5-year-old girl, is allowed to choose her own outfits for family gatherings and school, with appalling results. Her hair, which is long and tangled, goes unbrushed. Her ill-fitting clothes are worn and inappropriate for the weather and school. When I discussed it with her parents, their answer fell flat.

Because she's learning to dress herself without parental guidance, she's not learning what's appropriate. When they came for Thanksgiving dinner the child showed up in summer clothes -- sleeveless top, thin cotton skirt, etc. By the end of the evening, she appeared ill.

I'm surprised neglect charges haven't been filed against the parents. Any suggestions to get across to them that their parenting style is lacking? -- WORRIED RELATIVE

DEAR WORRIED: Your dilemma isn't how to get across to the parents that they need to teach their child better fashion choices. If that little girl is going around with tangled hair and summer clothes in cold weather, it may be that her parents are unable or unwilling to give her the basics. I, too, am surprised that the school hasn't contacted Child Protective Services to do a welfare check. Since they haven't, you should talk to these parents again and voice your concerns.

DEAR ABBY: I started seeing a new doctor six months ago to be treated for a serious medical condition. I respect his medical opinion and the fact that many doctors treating my condition would be judgmental and lack compassion. He has offered both.

While I appreciate his skills as a doctor, I have started to develop romantic feelings for him. I realize telling him would put him in an awkward position and possibly jeopardize our professional relationship because of the ethical implications. I don't want to move on to another doctor because I value his services. How do I get over it? -- ANONYMOUSLY IN LOVE

DEAR IN LOVE: Your romantic feelings for your doctor are not as unusual as you may think. When a person needs ongoing medical care as you do, it's natural to feel vulnerable and dependent. When that happens, something called "transference" can occur. The emotions associated with one person -- such as a parent -- become transferred to the doctor. If you keep this in mind, it may help you to better handle your emotions.

DEAR ABBY: I was adopted at a year old by loving parents. Through a lifetime of hard work, they have become wealthy. Their generosity allowed my husband and me to buy our first home and start married life debt-free.

My problem is, their community and friends, including some of my husband's and my own, often feel compelled to bring the subject up. I always thought it was rude to ask questions about other people's finances, and I don't know how to respond to their intrusive questions.

I'm very aware of our unique situation, and I'm extremely grateful to my parents for the generosity we have received. How do I respond to friends and acquaintances when they bring up such a sensitive subject? -- GRATEFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRATEFUL: Remember this. You do not have to answer every question that is asked of you. When questions about your home or finances are raised, reply, "That's very personal. My parents are generous, and my husband and I are grateful." PERIOD!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I disagree about how to handle taking our children shopping with us. I believe that, especially while our children are small (they are 3 and 5), the adult with them should keep them in sight at all times, or at least the majority of the time. If a child moves out of eyesight, the adult should find them within a minute. Are there guidelines on what is appropriate by age or developmental stage on this issue? -- HELICOPTER MOM AND FREE RANGE DAD

DEAR HELICOPTER MOM: Your husband is an optimist, while you are a realist. Common sense should prevail. When you take your children to a public place, they should remain under your or your husband's supervision at all times until they are aware enough that they can't be lured away by a stranger, and big enough to fight off a predator.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for three years to a woman who is very beautiful inside and out. (We have been together for six years.) Recently, I found out she is addicted to pain meds -- and two months ago she confided that she had gotten hooked on heroin.

I set up an intervention to get her into rehab. But when the time came to go, she kept putting it off. She said she wanted to get high "one more time," so I told her OK, as long as she did it at home, so I'd know she was safe. After she injected herself, she went limp, so I called 911 and got her into the hospital.

It is now two months later, and she is back. I love her dearly, but I no longer desire to be intimate with her. How do I tell her I will always stand by her, but no longer want to be intimate? She's younger and still has a strong sex drive. -- LOST THAT PART IN THE EAST

DEAR LOST: The news should be conveyed in the office of a licensed marriage and family therapist. While your sexual problem may result from the shock of seeing your wife nearly die in front of you, there may be more to it. You say she is "younger and still has a strong sex drive." This suggests that you are older and your lack of desire might to some extent be age- or hormone-related.

The two of you have a lot of talking to do about your feelings and your future. It would be better if it's done with the help of a trained moderator.

Also, if your wife was sharing needles, you both need to be tested for any diseases she may have contracted.

DEAR ABBY: My parents and my wife's parents both live 20 minutes from us. Both sets of parents purposely moved to be close to us. The problem is both sets of parents tell people the few times we are together how often they see their grandkids -- which is simply not true.

Mom talks as if she sees them multiple times a week, although she generally sees them less than once a month. She does watch my niece three days a week, but to hear her tell it, all her grandkids fall into that category. My wife's parents see me, my wife and our two kids about twice a month, but also tell others it's "all the time." Then, when we do meet, they ignore the kids!

I am bothered about it for two reasons: They are taking undue credit for "helping us out," and second, I'm sick of having heard for the last 12 years how "lucky" my kids are to have such wonderful grandparents. It caused us to miss out on help from extended family because they thought my wife and I were already receiving so much.

Is there a nice way to say to my parents/in-laws that the story they are selling is fiction? We do love them. All we would like is for them to help out the way they claim to. -- SICK OF THE FICTION

DEAR SICK OF THE FICTION: I find it strange that both sets of in-laws would relocate to be close, and then not follow through on trying to BE close. I also don't know why your parents would loudly take credit for the things they haven't been doing. If you want to end the fiction, tell the extended family the truth and explain that you really do need their help and why. You should have done it years ago.