DEAR ABBY: I have recently started disclosing to close friends and family that I am asexual (someone who experiences no sexual attraction to any person). For the most part they have been supportive, but my mother and one of my friends are having trouble accepting it. I have told them I do not want children and that I am repulsed by the thought of sexual intercourse, but my mother acts like if I don't have children, I won't be as welcome. She even suggested that I could marry a gay man, so sex wouldn't be an issue. And my friend continues to pressure me into dating, saying I "just haven't met the right one yet."

Abby, I have no clue how to maintain contact with them, as they seem unwilling to let my sexual identity be my business. -- AN ACE IN A HOLE

DEAR ACE: Your sexual identity became their business the minute you told them you were asexual. The problem is that your friend and your mother do not understand what asexuality is -- and many people don't. Please tell your mother for me that marrying a gay man is not the answer because HE may want a sex life, something to which he is entitled, by the way. As to your friend, she's well-meaning I'm sure, but misguided.

You are who you are. You're not going to change, and you should not be punished for it. Please try not to be defensive because this is your chance to educate. Answer their questions with patience and kindness and do not let yourself be bullied or emotionally blackmailed into doing anything you are not comfortable with.

DEAR ABBY: After my daughter Jenna's father tried to strangle me in a drunken rage one night, I took her and left. Years later, we are on good terms. I have legal custody. He sends financial support and visits about once a month. My finances, however, are not great.

Because we are not in touch with his extended family, I was surprised when he told me his sister wants Jenna to be a flower girl in her destination wedding. I'm not comfortable sending her alone with her father because of his history of alcohol abuse (which his sister is unaware of). I am not financially able to take her myself.

Is there a solution I'm overlooking? Am I callous for thinking she just wants a cute child as an accessory to her wedding party? -- MOTHER OF THE FLOWER GIRL

DEAR MOTHER: Without knowing your former partner's sister, it would be unfair of me to guess her reason for wanting your daughter in her wedding. However, if your ex is still drinking, you are absolutely right that Jenna should not be traveling with him. Perhaps he would be willing to pay for both of you to be there.

DEAR ABBY: I have an interesting question for you. Is it sexual harassment if a female supervisor at work calls a male employee "Honey"? -- PETER IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR PETER: If that's all there is to it, I doubt it would be considered sexual harassment. However, if you are the employee being called "Honey," because it bothers you, tell your employer privately that it makes you uncomfortable and you prefer being addressed by your given name.

DEAR ABBY: Because I had a promiscuous past prior to getting married, it was understandable that my husband and I have gone through some rough patches. It's been three years since our wedding, and he still can't let it go sometimes. A recent argument just escalated into his calling me a whore and stupid. We have a beautiful little girl together, so it's not like I can just up and go whenever I want.

When is enough, enough? Where is the point that I can give in to the thought that I can't do it anymore? Or is this just what marriage is? We have already done counseling, and it just made it worse. I feel really alone, so can you please give me some feedback? -- ROUGH PATCH

DEAR ROUGH PATCH: If your husband knew about your promiscuous past when he married you, he has no right to throw it at you when he's angry. That's fighting dirty, and it never resolves the issue at hand. You are neither a whore nor stupid, and this is NOT what marriage is supposed to be. Good husbands build their partner's self-esteem; they don't undercut it the way yours is doing, because it is abusive.

Since the counseling you had didn't work, you must now decide whether you need to try again with a different therapist or talk to a lawyer. If I were living like this, I know what I would do, but the only person who can decide what's best for you and your daughter is you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been friends with a bachelor for 30 years. Over the past year we have had a problem with him that is seriously straining our friendship. When he uses the bathroom in our home, he leaves a terrible mess. There's urine all over the toilet and a large puddle on the bathroom floor. The last time he was here, it was obvious he had stepped in it and tracked it around as he left the room! I'm extremely upset and angry.

In addition, it's obvious he doesn't wash his hands, as the sink and soap are bone-dry. I don't want him to come over anymore. My husband wants me to be more forgiving. We're both too embarrassed to say anything to him. Should we stop being his friend, or have a frank talk? He is oblivious and continues to contact us and wants to visit. We either put him off or try to arrange to meet him elsewhere. It is becoming unbearable. -- DISGUSTED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DISGUSTED: It would be a shame to throw away a 30-year friendship without trying to save it. Could there be a physical problem that has caused this change in your longtime friend -- a bladder problem, or one with his eyesight?

You are all adults, and longtime friends should be able to speak frankly with each other. Because your husband is closer to him than you are, he's the one who needs to talk to him "man to man" and point out the fact that there is a problem and then ask what might be wrong.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law is extremely jealous of the close relationship I have with my daughter. If I spend time with my daughter and grandson, she gets mad at me and keeps my grandchildren from me. I need advice on how to handle her. I get her children almost every weekend. I work a full-time job, but she feels like I should have them more. -- GRANDMA IN GEORGIA

DEAR GRANDMA: I don't think your daughter-in-law is necessarily jealous of the close relationship you have with your daughter. But it may be that she wants more free baby-sitting service. You say you have her children almost every weekend. That hardly seems to me like she's keeping them from you.

Remind her that working a full-time job and taking care of her children the amount of time you already do is as much as you can handle, and that you need time with your daughter and her son. There are only so many hours in a day, and you need time to rest if you're going to go the distance. If that's not enough for her, so be it. If she chooses to punish you for it, it is her children who will also suffer -- not just you.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small town in Pennsylvania, where I teach fifth grade and coach at the local school. I love my job and feel lucky to be teaching next door to my mentor.

The problem is there's another teacher and a student with whom I share the same name. I can't help but feel discouraged when colleagues and students refer to me as "Junior ( )" or "Fake ( )" and make jokes about it on a daily basis. I try to laugh it off, but it does get to me. I feel I should be respected because I am a professional. Is there a better way to handle this so it doesn't negatively affect my day? -- FRUSTRATED TEACHER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: The people who do this may think they're hilariously funny, but when students do it, it is disrespectful. Tell them you would prefer to be addressed as "Mr. (first initial of your last name)."

As for your colleagues, remind them that you are an adult now, nothing about you is fake -- and give yourself a nickname more acceptable than "Junior." Do it with humor. If they slip up, keep reminding them, and eventually it will catch on.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my 50s and disabled. I am also the full-time caregiver for my parents. I live with them because they are also disabled and need my help.

An old friend has moved back to the area. I care very much for her, but I'm afraid I have nothing to offer her because I don't have my own place or make a lot being on Social Security. I'm hesitant to get close to her because all I have is the way I feel about her. Advice? -- NEEDING GUIDANCE IN IOWA

DEAR NEEDING GUIDANCE: I do have a nugget of advice for you: I think you should be honest. The way you feel about this woman could be enough for her. Whether you have anything to offer is something SHE should be allowed to decide rather than you doing it for her. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.