DEAR ABBY: While dining in a fancy restaurant recently, I noticed a woman sitting a few tables away who had a number of tattoos on her arms and elsewhere. When she came by, I politely asked her what one of them meant. My wife was furious! Did I do something wrong? -- INQUIRING QUESTION

DEAR INQUIRING: Tattoos often have deeply personal meanings to the wearer. Although some individuals might welcome the opportunity to explain them to a stranger, others would not because the tat may commemorate a very personal -- or sad -- milestone. Your wife may have become upset because she felt the question was presumptuous.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not proud to write this, but I don't like my son-in-law. I think the feeling is mutual. He's arrogant and thinks he knows everything.

My daughter and I had a close bond before she married him. That quickly changed. She barely comes to my house anymore, and I don't see my grandkids as often as I'd like. I don't have a car (I'm working on that), and I rely on them for transportation. I don't like going to their house because I don't feel wanted.

I tolerate my son-in-law because I know my daughter loves him and I try hard to stay out of their business. What advice can you offer me? -- WISHING THINGS WERE BETTER

DEAR WISHING: Has it occurred to you that your daughter may be hurt or uncomfortable because she knows you dislike her husband? If he makes your daughter happy and is a good father to your grandchildren, give him points for that, and be glad you aren't the one who has to live with him.

You don't have to love him, but you must maintain a cordial relationship if only for your daughter's sake. Keep working on getting that car so you'll have your own transportation when you need it, and your visit won't be perceived as an imposition.

DEAR ABBY: My son is angry to the point of rage that my daughter is dating his best friend, "Ron." He says his sister "betrayed him" because when she and Ron broke up, she promised never to date another of his friends again, but went back to dating Ron. He also blames my husband and me for encouraging them. They are only 18 months apart in age.

We have shared that we understand his feelings of loss regarding his friend, but we don't think there's anything wrong with her dating Ron. I don't think anything will make him feel better except them breaking up again, and that doesn't look like it will happen.

My son is 22 and my daughter is 20. This is ruining the once close-knit family we had. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. -- MESS ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR MESS: Your son may be 22, but he needs to grow up. If he values his friendship with Ron, he will have to accept that he cannot control the love lives of others, and the person he is punishing with the stance he has taken is himself. It's time for you to step back. You and your spouse will be better off if you stop allowing your adult son's tantrum(s) to affect you.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been engaged for two years. Our wedding is set for a year from now. I'm thinking about calling off our wedding, not because I don't love him, or because I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know I want that. It's because I'm the only one with a decent job. He has a job, but doesn't earn enough to support us.

I can't be the only one earning an income. How are we supposed to move out of our parents' houses and start a life together if I'm the one doing everything? What will happen when things need to start getting paid for, and there's no guarantee he'll find something? I have talked to him about it, and he's angry. He knows it's time to change his life around and get serious.

Should I keep the date and keep my fingers crossed he'll find a job by then, or postpone our wedding, which has a venue but nothing else planned? I don't need to get married anytime soon, and I'd prefer to wait until he can support himself and we are in a better place financially. Then I feel like we could move forward. Am I making the right decision? -- CAUTIOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CAUTIOUS: Yes, you are. You are thinking with your head instead of being swept away by your emotions, and I applaud you for it. I have said for many years that before a woman marries she should be able to support herself, in case future circumstances require it. Well, the same is true for a man.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. Recently, I rekindled a relationship I had with a guy I was close with many years ago. We have a lot of the same interests.

When he asked what it would take for us to be permanent, I asked that he stop smoking pot. He responded that he does it only "two or three times a year" and that for me to make that request was "controlling." I asked him for no other changes.

I hate the smell of smoke, and pot is illegal in our state, so I broke it off because he wouldn't agree. Did I do the right thing? -- TONY IN FLORIDA

DEAR TONY: Yes, because his response to your simple request indicates that any accommodation you asked of him would likely be met with the same reaction.

DEAR ABBY: My 63-year-old husband refuses to cut his hair. It is gray and thinning and is now longer than mine. Even when it's clean it looks dirty.

I was raised to take pride in my appearance. If I say anything about it, he thinks it's funny, or the other extreme, that I am picking on him. He's not a rock star or a young lad. Please help. -- NEAT AND CLEAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEAT AND CLEAN: I'll try. Your mistake is making his problem (poor grooming) your problem. Continue to take pride in your appearance, and if he prefers to look like an old hippie, let him. Neither you nor I can change him, and because his tresses are thinning, the problem may resolve itself.

DEAR ABBY: I've had a feeling my wife is about to leave me for another man. For the last few months he has been coming to the bar where she works and saying stuff to her. I don't know what he says, but he has also been texting her and posting things on her Facebook page.

She told me he's only a friend, but since he has been coming around at her work, she's been really cold to me at night. We don't have sex like we used to, and she doesn't let me hold her when we are in bed. Plus, she used to sleep nude, but now she wears pajamas to bed.

What should I do? She told me I need to get help because I'm jealous of him. -- JEALOUS IN OREGON

DEAR JEALOUS: I think "help" would be a good idea. Tell your wife you're willing to get some on the condition that she come with you. It's called marriage counseling, and clearly you both are in need of some. Your doctor can refer you to a licensed therapist. Also, if you have a religious adviser, make an appointment to talk with him or her. If your wife refuses, do both of these things without her. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old sophomore. People in my class openly share their opinions and act disgusted when a slightly older man and a younger woman are together, or vice versa.

I get offended when my classmates make these comments because my mom is 39 and my stepfather is 27. They love each other very much, and I don't think age should interfere. Am I oversensitive because I'm offended by these comments? -- AGE IS JUST A NUMBER

DEAR AGE: Becoming offended solves nothing, unless the comments are made specifically about your mom and stepdad. It's my observation that people with little life experience tend to be judgmental about things they know nothing about, and 15-year-olds are no exception. Perhaps when your classmates are older, they'll realize that people don't fall in love "by the numbers" and that it's a mistake to generalize.

DEAR ABBY: When I was growing up, I was always told to remove my shoes when visiting another person's house, especially if they have new flooring. Now that I'm an adult and building a new house, I would like to ask people to remove their shoes upon entering my home.

I have young children and expect family with other small kids will visit. I'd like to keep the floors clean and maintain their good condition. Would it be tacky or rude to ask this of visitors? -- SHOELESS IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR SHOELESS: I don't think so, but some people may. In Japan, removing one's shoes before entering a dwelling is customary. The soles of shoes are covered with germs, and if small children crawl around on your floors, it's not too much to ask. Be sure to warn prospective guests in advance so they can bring their own slippers, or keep a supply of them by your front door.