DEAR ABBY: I have a longtime friend I see almost every day. She's an awesome friend. Her children are adults. One of them is gay; the other is a transgender male. I respect her for supporting her children, learning everything there is to know about the LGBT community and seeking social change on their behalf.

The conflict lies in the fact that my religious beliefs and personal feelings are at odds with the notion of gender fluidity. I think the concept is nuts. I have compassion, however, for people who suffer with their identity in any form. I also believe in equal rights.

I do support my friend, who supports her kids, but I feel like a fraud when she and her friends talk about gender neutrality and vent their indignation that someone called someone else by the wrong pronoun. I act equally offended, but the truth is, I don't believe in these ideas or this cause.

I don't want to lose an important friend. I want her to feel supported -- but I'm lying. Please help. My conscience is bothering me. -- FEELING LIKE A PHONY

DEAR "PHONY": Would you feel the same way about a friend who is divorced, if your religion didn't sanction it? I'll bet you wouldn't. The same is true for this longtime friend.

Gender fluidity may be a new concept for you, but it is very real. If you feel like a hypocrite faking indignation during some of these conversations, why not use them as an opportunity to be educated? Listen. Ask questions. Say, "I don't know enough about this, but because I love you, I need to learn more about it."

You can be a trans ally without becoming an activist. PFLAG has a user-friendly resource, "Guide to Being a Trans Ally," that you may find interesting and helpful. Find it at pflag.org/guidetobeingatransally.

DEAR ABBY: An 8-year-old boy in my daughter's class recently passed away. She's only in second grade, so I wouldn't expect her to fully grasp the meaning of death, but she understands it perfectly and is not upset one bit. Multiple times she has acknowledged the fact that her classmate is no longer present, and is actually somewhat cheerful about it. My husband and I are very worried. Is this normal behavior? -- CONCERNED MOTHER

DEAR CONCERNED: Children are often more resilient than they are given credit for. If your daughter wasn't particularly close to the child who died, his death may not have affected her deeply. Some children do not mourn the way adults do, and you should not expect her to.

Grief counselors may have spoken to the students about it, or they may have been given other opportunities to air their feelings. Because you are concerned, discuss this with her teacher, but I don't think you have anything to be worried about.

DEAR ABBY: What do you make of a host who issues a BYOB invitation to his party and then proceeds to drink the guests' liquor? -- APPALLED IN FLORIDA

DEAR APPALLED: I'd say he was thirsty.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old female. I recently married the most amazing man in the whole world, "Jeremy." We connect, communicate, understand and love everything about each other. My only issue is, Jeremy has an obsession/fetish with women smoking cigarettes.

He fantasizes about me smoking all day, every day. I don't smoke. I did for nine years, but quit five years ago (before I met him). I hated smoking -- the smell, the waste of money, the example I was setting for my kids, the harm to my health and feeling out of breath.

Smoking has killed some of my relatives, and Jeremy knows it. But every day he keeps begging me to start up again. He tells me he'd do anything in the world to turn me on, and doesn't understand why I refuse to please him by smoking. He asks me to hold a cigarette, take pictures of myself smoking it and send them to him. He wants to smell it on my breath. He's literally obsessed.

It really bothers me. I've bawled my eyes out in front of him telling him how much I don't want to do it. He'll feel bad and say he'll stop, but starts back up again. I feel like it's selfish that he wants me to put myself at risk to arouse him. He knows how I feel about every aspect of it.

We have spent hours and hours talking this out. We plan on having a baby. I asked him how he'd feel if I smoked with his baby in my belly. He responded that I'd have to quit for the pregnancy.

I feel this is going to ruin our marriage. What should I do? Give in and start up with this horrible habit again to satisfy my husband? -- LOST AND HURT IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR LOST AND HURT: I confess, your letter is a first. If Jeremy loved you, rather than risk your health for his sexual gratification, he would be seeking professional help for his fetish.

Smoking is not a harmless habit. If you take up smoking again, it will ruin your health and endanger the health of any children you might have with him. Do not give in. Do not risk cancer or lung disease to please him.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, I attended my daughter's high school graduation. It was an outdoor event, and to my chagrin, the whole crowd to our left was talking over the speakers, which made it impossible to hear. My children, who also could not hear, were mortified when I shushed the group very loudly. It made no difference, but the argument now is that I acted inappropriately.

I believe I was right, and I wish I had even stood up and asked loudly for them to please be quiet. What do you think? -- QUIET, PLEASE, IN NEW HAVEN

DEAR QUIET, PLEASE: I don't think you did anything wrong. The individuals who were talking were rude not only to the speakers, but also to the audience members who wanted to hear what the speakers were saying without being distracted. Good for you for trying to get them to pipe down. I'm sorry they were so self-entitled that it didn't work.

DEAR ABBY: I've never written to you before, but I'm having a disagreement with my husband. We are taking our daughter out of state to drop her off at college in August. Our twin 15-year-old boys will be starting high school at the same time.

My husband thinks we can leave them home alone together for the five days and four nights we'll be gone; I feel we should arrange to have them stay with friends. He says we can trust them, and he's worried we'll be putting a burden on our friends. I'd like to ask two different families to take them for two nights each.

They are pretty responsible boys. I do trust them, but I still feel it's a bad idea to leave them home alone for that period of time. What do you think? -- HOME ALONE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HOME ALONE: I agree with you. Your sons may be angels, but to leave two minors who are not yet in high school alone for that length of time would be irresponsible. Don't do it.

DEAR ABBY: My co-worker, "Sara," comes to work drunk. After I reported it to my supervisor, "Ben," Sara stopped for a while, but now she has started again. Sara has not been doing her job correctly. Ben is now asking me to sign a statement about it. She is my best friend, and I don't want to get her in trouble. But I'm scared that she's going to get hurt at work or while driving. Please help! -- DANGER IN THE WORKPLACE

DEAR DANGER: Your friend needs some kind of intervention. Some companies have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which might enable Sara to get the professional help she needs. An EAP is a voluntary, work-based program that offers free and confidential assessments, short-term counseling, referrals and follow-ups to employees who have personal and/or work-related problems.

Before you sign the statement, find out if your company offers this program and if your supervisor will make it available to Sara. Do not worry about getting her in trouble. She's already in trouble, and this may be the solution.

DEAR ABBY: A couple times a year I have lunch with an old friend. I recently ran into her at the store and noticed she now has very white teeth. They look great; however, they almost do not look like real teeth. We're having lunch together next week, and I would like to compliment her on her beautiful teeth but, if she now wears dentures or has implants, I don't want to embarrass her. Would it be OK if I tell her I think her teeth look beautiful and pearly white, or should I keep quiet? -- PEARLY WHITES IN ARIZONA

DEAR PEARLY WHITES: Your friend may have gotten dentures or implants, but she also could have simply had her teeth brightened by her dentist. If you want to compliment her, be a little more subtle than to mention her teeth. All you need to say is, "You know what? You've got a great smile!" If she wants to respond by giving you all the details, she will. If not, you will not have encroached upon her privacy.

DEAR READERS: Allow me to wish a Happy Father's Day to fathers everywhere -- birth fathers, stepfathers, adoptive and foster fathers, grandfathers, and all of those caring men who mentor children and fill the role of absent dads. I applaud you all.

P.S. And once again, a big shout-out to dual-role moms. -- LOVE, ABBY