DEAR ABBY: My twin sister and I are juniors in high school and starting to plan to apply to colleges. It has always been assumed that we would go to the same college and be roommates. My sister still wants it this way. I, however, think it's finally time for some separation. We've been "roommates" our whole lives and shared a bed until we were 14, when Mom finally let us get twin beds for our room.

My sister was hurt and upset when I told her I prefer that we go to separate colleges, and she took it personally. It is nothing personal. I love her with all my heart. I would just like to finally be an individual after us having always being known as "the twins."

Our mom agrees with my sister and tells me stories about friends of hers whose kids ended up with "roommates from hell." She says we have always gotten along beautifully sharing a room, so why argue with success? Well, I'm willing to take my chances. If I get a roommate I don't like, I'll find a way to deal with it.

Please give me your opinion. Also, please give me advice on how to make my sister understand that this is nothing against her. -- TWIN SISTER

DEAR TWIN SISTER: My mother and my aunt were identical twins. Like you, they shared a room and slept in the same bed for many years. Their parents dressed them alike and gave them names that were mirror images (Pauline Esther and Esther Pauline). Like you, my aunt yearned to be an individual. My mother loved the attention that being a twin brought. This created serious conflict for them later in life.

You deserve the chance to spread your wings and be your own person. If you do, you will grow from the experience, and so will your sister. You should not have to "sell" her on this, but explain it to your sister that way. Your mother should be glad that you are independent.

DEAR ABBY: I strongly feel this is an issue many women besides me struggle with. Maybe you can offer some insight.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive without success for several years. I don't want to reveal our struggles to friends or family, but how do you handle questions like "Why don't you have a baby yet?" and "When are you giving me grandkids?"

The older we get, the more pointed these questions become. I don't know how to respond. What should I say? I feel like either lying and saying I'm not ready yet, or telling the truth about the possibility of never having children, although I'm sure the questioner doesn't intend to go down the path of "Let's discuss my fertility." -- STRUGGLING IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR STRUGGLING: I'm sure many of the questioners have no idea they are delving into a subject that is painful and frustrating for you. Perhaps the most diplomatic answer would be to say, "If I'm lucky enough to be expecting, I will let you know." It shows you are open to the possibility, and it's either going to happen or it won't.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ray," and I have been together for 10 years and, like most couples, we have had our ups and downs. Ray is a professional musician, so a lot of my time is spent supporting this, either by promoting his endeavors or accepting the fact that I will always come second to his first love -- the blues.

A couple of gigs ago, Ray played at an outdoor festival. So there I sat, in the rain, in the dark, watching the show. Three men approached where I was sitting and stood in a circle around me watching the show. Attendance was sparse due to the weather, so it seemed strange they stood so close to me. It made me uneasy, but I have been in similar situations since being with Ray, so I didn't think much about it.

At home later that night, while I was unwinding and listening to Ray complain about his fingers, I mentioned the three men. He said he had witnessed it and thought it was a little odd, too. This led me to ask, hypothetically, what he would do if he were on stage and I was being attacked in front of him. He said he would put his guitar in its stand, go to the microphone and ask for assistance for me. He wouldn't throw the guitar down and rush to my aid!

I couldn't believe his response. I feel completely alone and unloved. I don't know what to think or what to do. Any advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated. -- FACE IN THE CROWD

DEAR FACE: You are neither alone nor unloved, and I seriously doubt your husband's response to your hypothetical question was an indication that he doesn't love you. It's possible that he was afraid he would not be able to adequately protect you, and that Security could deal with the three men more effectively than he could. Bear in mind that if the real thing were to happen, he might react very differently.

Because you are fearful, plan ahead. Carry pepper spray when you attend his performances.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter graduated more than two years ago. I offered to help her with her thank-you notes, but I dropped the ball and never got them completed and sent out. I feel terrible and guilty.

Would it be wrong to send out letters to everyone and explain what happened? Or how else can I resolve this mess and put my conscience to rest? -- PROUD MAMA IN OHIO

DEAR PROUD MAMA: The task of writing thank-you letters was your daughter's responsibility from the start. She should send them out right away, with her apologies. Better late than never.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 47-year-old man. I live alone in a small city in New York. I have a good job. I have been with the company for years and my bosses take good care of me. However, I want to live a semi-homesteading-type life on my own property, providing myself with my basic needs. I cannot do this in the area where I live because of strict zoning.

I'm torn between leaving my job to move and live the life I dream of, or staying where I am and trying to get as close as I can to that lifestyle. Can you help me? -- TORN IN NEW YORK

DEAR TORN: The questions you need to answer are can you afford to live your dream right now and, if not, how long will you have to wait until you can achieve it? Your next move should be to talk to your CPA or to a certified financial planner and see what it will take to make your dream a reality. Unless you are sure about that, you should stay where you are until you have enough money for a comfortable retirement off the grid.

DEAR ABBY: I am a working mother of two, married for 20 years. I go to great lengths to keep a Google calendar updated, which my husband has access to any time he wishes to see it. The problem is, he rarely looks at it. Instead, he asks me daily, "What have we got going on today?" or, "What time is (blank)?" or, "Do we have anything happening the weekend of (blank)?" Sometimes he texts me while I'm working to ask what time one of our children needs to be picked up.

Abby, it drives me crazy! At any hour of any day he is one click away from all this information. It makes me feel like I'm his secretary. I have told him how it makes me feel numerous times to no avail. How can I get him to use the calendar and stop treating me like his personal secretary? -- FED UP IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FED UP: Here's how: Do not react in anger. When he asks these questions, your response should be: "I don't know, Honey. I'm sure it's on the calendar. Why don't you look it up?"

DEAR ABBY: My son is 29. He has no vanity at all and does not care how he dresses or looks. He has always been this way. He just got married, and his wife is a darling girl. How can I make him understand how important this is, not only to him but also to his wife? -- CONCERNED MOM

DEAR CONCERNED MOM: It's my observation that people who make the effort to "put themselves together" usually feel better for having done so. However, if your son is doing well at his job, happy in his relationships and in his marriage, then perhaps you shouldn't second-guess him. The time to have impressed the importance of good grooming on your son was while he was still a minor and living with you. Now that he's 29, face it, that horse left the barn years ago.