DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of two teenaged girls (13 and 15) and have been debating whether to tell them a secret about my past. When I was in high school, I made some poor decisions. I went to a party with people I viewed as friends, had too much to drink and the evening ended with my being raped by someone I thought I knew.

I reported it to my parents and the police, but because I couldn't remember big parts of the evening, I wasn't considered credible and no one believed me -- not even my parents. My grades dropped, my weight plummeted and the entire school knew and believed his side of the story.

I internalized everything and became a shell of who I was before the incident. It was years before I forgave myself for making a horrible mistake. Ultimately, I moved in with my grandmother several states away to finish high school, far away from my parents and the pain.

Would it be appropriate to share this story (or a redacted version) with my daughters to help them understand the risks of teenage drinking? They are at the age when they are surrounded by temptation and curiosity, and their father and I can't shield them from everything. Would I be doing them a disservice by not telling them? -- UNDECIDED IN NEVADA

DEAR UNDECIDED: You would be doing your daughters a favor if, along with warning them about underage drinking, you shared your story with them. If you do, it will help them understand that drinking can have unintended, sometimes lifelong consequences. Forewarned is forearmed.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible to have a relationship with a man 20 years younger? I rented my spare room to him, and over the past month, we have spent a lot of time together and grown very close.

He has made it clear that he's attracted to me, and I'm attracted to him as well. I am afraid of what people may think and say, and I worry about the long term. What are your thoughts? -- RELATIONSHIP ISSUE

DEAR ISSUE: I gather from your letter that you are 40-plus years old. If you are still worried about what people may think, refrain from doing what you're considering, because people do tend to talk. Since no one can predict how long the "long term" might be, my advice is to guard your heart. Because there are no guarantees in life, proceed with caution.

DEAR ABBY: When you are on the phone with someone and the call is dropped, who is supposed to call who back? I spent five minutes trying to call my mom back while she was trying to call me. It was very frustrating; both of us kept getting voicemail.

Mom says the person who received the call should be the person who calls back. I say the person who made the call should be the person who calls back. -- UNSURE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR UNSURE: While I agree with you, no rule of etiquette dictates who should call the other person back in the event of a dropped call. Long waits also happen when a caller doesn't realize the call has dropped and continues talking. Frankly, it has been my experience that the callback is usually made by the person who can get through first. And the first sentence uttered is usually, "So, where were we?"

DEAR ABBY: A large portion of conversation in our home has been replaced with the time my wife spends on her cellphone. Not that she is talking on it. It's games and Facebook that absorb hours of her time.

We used to spend evenings working on special projects together, but that is the exception now and no longer the rule. If I ask a question or make a comment, she answers, but we sit mostly in silence.

Must I accept this as the new norm that seems to have swept up everyone and wait for her to tire of this activity? I have gently mentioned my dismay, but when I did she became defensive and said it is her time. Do you have any advice on how to cope with this? -- MATTERING LESS IN MISSOURI

DEAR MATTERING: Facebook and gaming can be so absorbing that when members sign on for "just a minute," the next thing they know, two hours have flown by. I say this because it has happened to me.

Discuss this again with your wife, and this time tell her you miss the closeness you had when the two of you could share activities and that you are lonely. If she doesn't realize that it is a red flag, the two of you may need professional mediation to reach a compromise, such as a scheduled date night.

If that doesn't satisfy you, look for projects or hobbies you can share with other people with similar interests. You are not alone in having this problem. Taking evening classes might solve it in the short term.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. My boyfriend, "James," and I have been together for nine years with a few time-outs. I'm 59; he's 57. In many ways we have a great relationship and care deeply for each other. Our problem? We are in the same field of employment but work for different companies. He works full-time in a highly stressful position, while I work 20 hours a week and have a great time doing it.

James earns twice what I do. I have no money put away for retirement because I don't earn enough to save. James doesn't like it. He wants someone who is his equal in saving money.

Obviously, our story isn't as simple as it sounds. His therapist supports his feelings. Mine says: "In 2008, when everyone lost their pensions, you didn't see a bunch of people filing for divorce, did you? There are more important things than money."

I don't know what to do. I want to grow old with James. -- MONEY WOES IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR MONEY: You two need a different kind of mediation than two shrinks and an advice columnist. From where I sit, you would benefit from consulting a financial planner who can help you figure out if there's a way to put away some money for a rainy day. If you include James when you do, it might also give him some insight.

DEAR ABBY: I think my stepdaughter "Caroline" has an unhealthy relationship with my husband. Caroline calls him several times a day and gets tattoos just like his. When she got a boob job, she wanted to show him. She doesn't talk to me much, although I have tried to be close to her.

Caroline knows I don't approve of the way she gets money. She has a job at a local store, but wants things she can't afford, so she sleeps with men for money. Her dad seems fine with it.

They seem to have a closeness that he doesn't share with me. We are fine until she gets involved. She does things to keep her dad doing things for her so he doesn't have time for me. What should I do? I've talked to him about this, but he thinks I'm crazy. -- DISGUSTED STEPMOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR STEPMOM: You are not crazy. Your husband and his daughter have a relationship it would be an understatement to call "inappropriate."

Caroline appears to be unusually emotionally dependent upon her father. That she would show him her newly acquired "boobs" may seem strange, but it's not shocking to me. Many women who get implants show them off to anyone who will look until the novelty wears off.

What I do find appalling is a father who would approve of his daughter prostituting herself. What does Caroline's mother think of all this? If she's living, she must be beside herself. If she's dead, she must be spinning in her grave.

Frankly, I'm not sure what you should "do." If it were me, I'd remove myself from the equation.

DEAR ABBY: Can you be stalked by your spouse? My husband checks my phone for messages, checks the mileage in my car, opens all the mail and listens in on all my phone conversations. If I'm late from work, I call to let him know, but he returns my call to make sure I am where I said I was.

He accuses strange cars that drive down our street of belonging to my boyfriends. He even went into the exam room with me while I was having a physical. The doctor asked him to leave for my privacy.

He says this shows his "concern" for me. I'm being smothered. Please help. -- STALKED BY SPOUSE

DEAR STALKED: What your husband is doing is not a demonstration of concern for you. All the checking and accusations that there are other men in your life are symptoms of his insatiable insecurity and his need to possess and control you.

His behavior is not normal. He is sick, and he could possibly be dangerous. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline and talk to a counselor. The toll-free phone number is 800-799-7233. You may need to create an escape plan, and someone there can help you do it.