DEAR ABBY: I'm not a dog person. I'm not even an animal person. I am, however, surrounded by dog owners -- my family, my husband's family, my neighbors. Back in middle school, I was bitten several times by dogs while delivering my paper route.

My husband has been without a dog for five years (since the beginning of our relationship). Over the last six months, he has begun to ask when he can get "us" a dog. I absolutely do not want one. They're not clean, they make "messes," and we will constantly have to find someone to care for it when we travel. I have told him this, yet he continues asking. We can't even agree on a hypothetical breed of dog.

I suppose I could say, "Go ahead," with the condition that my husband will have to shoulder all pet-related responsibilities. But we both know how well that will work out. What do you think? -- WARY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WARY: There's a saying, "Once bitten, twice shy." Because you have been bitten more than once, your reason for not wanting a dog seems logical. Frankly, I think it would be unfair to the animal to bring it into a household in which it wasn't unanimously welcomed. And if you think your husband would lay the responsibility for caring for the dog on you, you should not agree.

DEAR ABBY: My 62-year-old father has recently started to streak his hair with fluorescent colors. He does it when he goes to his job and coordinates his hair color with his outfits. As far as I know, his employer has not said anything as of yet.

Also, Dad has difficulty with social cues. My mother and I aren't happy with his "fashion" choices and we plead with him to stop doing this. It's embarrassing because it looks stupid and ridiculous. He claims he doesn't care what others think and that he has flair.

Are my mother and I wrong to criticize his "flair"? Isn't this behavior really inappropriate for a man his age? How can we convince him that he's making a fool of himself and should stop? Your help is appreciated. -- NO FOOL LIKE AN OLD FOOL

DEAR N.F.L.A.O.F.: Repeat after me: We cannot change other people; we can only change the way we react to them. Understand that how your father presents himself reflects only on him -- not you. Because you and your mother have tried reasoning with him and he refuses to listen, you all might be happier if you stop making his fashion choices your problem.

DEAR ABBY: My wife seems to only want to have sex with me when I'm supposed to be at work. It's really flattering, but I am at risk of losing my job. We don't have enough savings to last more than a couple of months if I'm out of work. She wanted me to call in sick today, but I didn't know how to say no without offending her. Help! -- JOHN IN CANADA

DEAR JOHN: Try this. Ask your wife, "Which is more important to you -- me in your bed or food on the table and a roof over our heads? I'll be home by 6 o'clock. Be ready!"

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Charlene," whom I met through a local charity organization. We have many things in common, including the fact that we're both retired, and we enjoy each other's company. Charlene is slim (not skinny), very energetic and fit for her age.

The problem is, it's impossible to share a meal with her. As soon as the food is served, Charlene starts a constant commentary about "how big the portions are" and how she "couldn't possibly eat" what is before her (it doesn't matter how little is on the plate). Often, she does actually eat most of her meal. Then the ongoing comments start about how she was such a pig, she won't be able to eat another thing all day.

I don't know if she thinks she's setting a good example (I am not slim), or if she has some psychological issues surrounding food. I am tired of this routine. Is there any way I can ask her to stop without hurting her feelings? -- SICK OF HEARING IT IN IDAHO

DEAR SICK: I can see how sitting through repeat performances of those refrains would get old fast. Of course there's a way to get her to stop. All you have to say is, "You know, when you say that, it prevents me from enjoying my meal, so please don't do it when you're with me."

DEAR ABBY: I have been selected to attend a symposium in New York that will be attended by one or more members of the British royal family. While I feel no animosity toward the royal family, some of my ancestors died fighting for freedom from English rule during the American Revolution.

I think it would be a grave dishonor to my ancestors to address the royals as "Your Highness" or any other term that suggests they are above me, especially since this gathering will take place on U.S. soil. How can I address them in a way that would be respectful, but would not demean the sacrifices of my ancestors? -- KEN IN OHIO

DEAR KEN: Be polite and gracious. Do not raise the subject of the American Revolution, because I am quite sure they are already well aware of it. To smile and say, "It's nice to meet you," would not dishonor your ancestors or embarrass the sponsors of the symposium, and that's what I recommend you do.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a large family. On Sundays, some of them come over to visit me. Sometimes they'll get into arguments and get really angry.

Because this is happening in my home, what position am I to take? I was told by one of my daughters that I should not allow them to come here anymore. Because I am not involved in the argument, I don't feel I should do that.

I enjoy my daughters visiting me. I don't want to tell them they cannot come to their mother's house. What do you advise? -- MOM OF MANY IN THE WEST

DEAR MOM OF MANY: You're the mother. If your family's heated arguments make you uncomfortable -- and a pitched battle would qualify -- you are within your rights to tell them you prefer they argue elsewhere because it upsets you. I do not advise you to exercise the "nuclear option" by banishing them from the premises, because to do so would be an overreaction.

DEAR ABBY: I understand that a 15-year-old guy writing for relationship advice is shameful and that I'm probably better off not worrying about relationships in the first place, but I'm still gonna try.

I'm in high school, and I'm searching for a relationship with a certain girl. I've known her for eight years, and I always had a little-kid crush on her, but it's evolved over time and we've gotten closer. We used to talk a lot. She was in a relationship then. Even though we had feelings for each other, she stayed loyal to him.

Well, a couple months ago they broke up. As far as I know, she's single, but we don't really talk much anymore. A couple times I've started conversations with her, but they are usually short-lived.

She knows I have feelings for her, but nothing has happened. She's the one I want and now's my opportunity, but I don't want to ruin the small chance I have. I'm afraid she won't be single for long. -- WANTS TO TRY IN OHIO

DEAR WANTS TO TRY: It is not "shameful" to ask for advice. Call her and ask how her summer has been. If you did anything interesting, tell her about it. Then ask her if she's seeing anybody special. If she says no, ask if she'd like to go to a movie, a sporting event or on a hike with you -- depending upon her interests. I can't guarantee it will get you the response you're hoping for, but at least you will know where you -- and she -- stand.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter will turn 6 soon, and she is a lovely, wonderful child. The only thing is, my parents and I have spoiled her a tad.

Holidays have always been celebrated with lots of gifts. I'm starting to worry that perhaps she's becoming too materialistic. What's the proper etiquette for requesting no gifts on her birthday invitations? And how do I respond if they ask why? -- SPOILED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR SPOILED: I don't think it's necessary to state on the invitation "no gifts." There are ways to teach children that there are other, less-fortunate children in this world.

One way would be to volunteer at an organization that serves the underprivileged so your daughter can see for herself how lucky she is. Another would be to do as some other parents do: Mention on the birthday invitation that any gifts will be donated to a cause you and your daughter agree upon. And if you are asked why, be honest and upfront about it.

DEAR ABBY: I feel uncomfortable when people end conversations with "I love you." It creeps me out when a man does it. I always thought those words were reserved for someone you are intimate with, such as a spouse or possibly one's children. Am I wrong to think "I love you" has become meaningless from overuse? Or am I just a weird guy? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: It's not uncommon for good friends of both sexes to say "Love you" or "I love you" to each other as well as to extended relatives. In my opinion, it's healthy for people to express their feelings, because there's never too much love. Our world could use more expressions of it, not fewer.