DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My grandfather has been in a nursing home since he began to need much more care than my parents and my uncle were able to give him.
I know they found the best nursing home my grandfather and they can afford, and the staff there takes good care of my grandfather. But every time I have gone to visit him I am anxious and aware of any bad odors and sticky surfaces, which I know happen where really old or sick people live. The staff keeps everything as clean as they can, but still I am aware of it all.
When I told my mother how hard I find it to visit my grandfather, she got hurt and started to cry. She said how this is the best place they could find for her dad and she and my father and uncle all take turns going to see him nearly every day to make sure he is being taken care of and is comfortable.
After that I felt guilty for even mentioning how I feel. I know everyone is doing their best, but what am I supposed to do about the trouble I have being in that environment? --- NOTHING AGAINST THE PLACE
DEAR NOTHING AGAINST THE PLACE: I’m sure it isn’t easy for you to see your grandfather in a long-term care facility, no matter how well-kept the building is and how caring and competent the staff is.
If it’s possible to manage, one suggestion I would make is if your grandfather is able to leave his room, perhaps you could make your visits at times when you might be able to get him out of the building to whatever outdoor area the facility may have available for residents and loved ones to enjoy time together in a more open setting.
Getting out and about even in this small way may help you with your discomfort and give your grandfather a pleasant change of scene.