DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the third daughter in a family of seven children -- six daughters and one son, with my brother being the youngest. Anytime it is disclosed that my brother was the last child born, someone will say something along the lines of, “Wow, they must have really wanted that boy!”
I understand that people think they are just making conversation, but it is crass at best, and increasingly insulting as one goes down the line of girls who had to be “tolerated” in order to get the golden son.
This used to infuriate my father so much that he started replying, “No, I just really love to have sex with my wife” in order to shock people into silence. It was effective, but equally crass.
Can you provide a response that would answer the question truthfully (they were not trying for a boy, they just loved having a large family) and politely, while also giving some indication that the question itself is insulting and intrusive?
GENTLE READER: “I’m not sure I understand. Of course they wanted all of us. Could you explain to me exactly why you assume otherwise?”
Miss Manners hopes that feigning this kind of ignorance will be enough to make rude people realize how crass they are being. And if they are bold enough to continue? At least you will have fun watching them stumble through an awkward explanation.