DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a frequent tourist, I take lots of photos wherever I go. I try not to be intrusive, but it isn’t feasible to ask permission of anonymous people in public spaces, and U.S. courts have ruled that nobody has a right to privacy in such settings.

Everyone carries a phone these days, and the number of people taking photos has increased exponentially as a result. Candid photos are much more interesting than posed photos or photos without people. Social realism is a movement in art and photography.

I think it’s important to capture the people and settings that reflect our times. I do not sell them, but I share the best ones with friends.

I avoid taking photos of people who appear to be homeless or mentally ill, because it seems exploitative.

Perhaps what was once considered rude has become acceptable and prevalent. Perhaps there is a distinction between candid photos in public versus private settings among family, friends and acquaintances. In the latter case, it seems appropriate to share these with the people photographed, offer them copies and destroy any they deem offensive or unflattering.

In foreign countries, I’ve encountered people who took offense at public photos, but never in the U.S.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, everyone has a camera. If you are photographing the public activity of our time, you must have countless pictures of countless people taking countless pictures -- mostly of themselves.

Yet Miss Manners feels obliged to tell you that there are also many in the United States who dislike being photographed in public and private gatherings, but feel forced into it by photographers who are not as sensitive to their feelings as you seem to be. Often, they are reluctant to speak up, feeling that they are being constantly captured by security cameras anyway.

Prevalent, yes; but not acceptable to all. It is a matter of respect, not of law.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should veterans reply when thanked for their service?

GENTLE READER: “Surely all of us do what we can.” Unspoken: “And what do you do?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you respond to dinner guests who ask for items above and beyond those which are visibly on offer or verbally listed by the host?

For example: "Do you have brand X of water?" when the host is asking whether the guest would like some water (generic); or, "Do you have a particular alcohol?" when the host does not mention it specifically.

It seems rude to make the host look small by constantly denying availability or making him scramble to fill the guest’s overly demanding and precious requests.

GENTLE READER: Do you have a small fork Miss Manners could borrow? The word "constantly" is stuck in that sentence in an odd place, and it is going to bother her if she cannot get it out where she can have a look at it.

The problem, you see, is that she agrees with you that it is rude for a guest to attempt to show up their host by making impossible or inconsiderate demands. But so many brand names are now used generically that she needs an aspirin -- and does not want a guest to be considered rude who was awkwardly asking if you had fizzy water.

The answer, if you do not, is, “I’m so sorry, I don’t. But I have this or that if you would like.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When people are conducting a toast, say, at the dinner table, is it polite (or even necessary) to clink glasses?

GENTLE READER: Try and stop them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our house uses an electronic door code instead of a key and lock. Our relatives know the code, from times when they needed to access our home without us there -- for instance, picking up supplies for us while we were in the hospital, or getting to the house before us for a dinner when the weather was bad.

Outside of times such as those, when is it acceptable for them to use the code?

GENTLE READER: None times. Because they then transform from helpful relatives to scary intruders.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If someone comes downstairs in the morning, who should be the one to say “hello” (or “good morning,” etc.) first: the one already downstairs, or the one who comes down and enters the room?

Is it gender-specific? Say, the man comes downstairs and the woman is already there, or vice versa? Or does that even matter?

GENTLE READER: It does not. There is no hierarchy to saying “good morning.” Rather it is the responsibility of the first one who notices the other and preferably makes eye contact.

Surprise greetings from behind when one is making hot coffee or bacon is not, Miss Manners assures you, as cute as you may think.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at work and I had to go to the washroom in a hurry. I happen to have a shy bladder.

A colleague of mine -- not one I’m particularly close to -- stood outside my stall and started telling me in detail about her latest medical issues and prescriptions.

I could not produce. This was extremely irritating. I had to wait until she finally left.

Why do people do that? Seems to me silence is golden in a public washroom, and privacy is the order of the day. How would you have handled the situation?

GENTLE READER: By saying, “Sorry, I’m having trouble hearing you. I will be better equipped to listen when I am finished in here.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother is a very sweet and kind grandmother to my 3-year-old girl. She always has gifts when we visit, asks for new pictures and is very invested in my daughter’s life. However, one thing irks me.

She uses the wrong spelling of our daughter’s nickname. Each time she asks, “How’s Lucie doing?” I respond with something like, “LUCY is doing well.” She also puts the incorrect spelling on Christmas and birthday gift tags.

Her heart is obviously in the right place, but her spelling is not. Is this not worth worrying about, since it’s only a nickname? How else can I gently correct her without coming off as rude or offending her?

GENTLE READER: “We know it’s only a nickname, but we’re spelling it ‘Lucy.’ Your version is cute, but we don’t want to confuse her as she gets old enough to spell it herself.”

Miss Manners warns you not to be surprised if Lucy soon comes up with her own inventive spelling -- which may or may not include hearts and smiley faces. Or turn out to be “Lucie.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our group of friends is about 15 people large. We have known each other for over three decades. At the opposite end of the group is a couple that we only see when the entire group gets together.

We like to entertain, and have invited this couple for years. They have never accepted our invitations, though they accept invitations from others in the group. In some cases, they RSVP “no,” but other times they do not reply at all.

Finally, we hosted a party and decided not to invite them. The entire group got together a few days before our party, and several people were talking about how much they were looking forward to it -- unbeknownst to them that two people present didn’t get an invitation.

Suddenly I felt like we did the wrong thing by not inviting them. On one hand, I thought: Perhaps there’s no harm in sending an invite if you know they won’t come anyway. On the other hand, we have finite space, we’re buying food and supplies, and I’d rather invite people I know will come.

Part of me also feels that you don’t get the courtesy of an invitation if you never show or if you repeatedly fail to RSVP.

GENTLE READER: Listen to that latter part of you.

Miss Manners assures you that the repeated offense of not answering an invitation justifies not getting another one. She further suggests you use caution with the excuse that they will not come anyway if you invite them. Too many wedding hosts rely on that logic and suffer the consequences when they guess wrong.

Had the couple or someone else in that pre-party gathering pointed out the omission -- or if the tension was palpable enough -- you might have said, “Lacey and Doug, you never seem to be able to attend our parties, so I didn’t want to burden you with an invitation.” It sounds as if it did not come to that, but it is there for the taking if it does.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s the polite, kind thing to do when one must miss a funeral for reasons such as illness or injury?

My aunt’s mother just passed away, and the funeral is in a few days. However, I’ve come down with a bad cold and, in the interest of not making others sick, I plan not to attend unless I recover far faster than expected.

I want my aunt to know that I care enough to attend, but I don’t want to make this about me. Is a text appropriate? A note after the funeral?

GENTLE READER: Assuming that you have already written a condolence letter, a phone call would be more personal than a text -- and more polite than a note afterwards, when everyone will have wondered where you were.

“I am so sorry that I won’t be able to attend, but I’m afraid I have a dreadful cold and I don’t want anyone to catch it,” you might say. It goes without saying, Miss Manners hopes, that you avoid using hyperbole (e.g., “I’m feeling deathly ill”) for obvious reasons.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)