DEAR HARRIETTE: Both of my parents have pretty bad arthritis. They are in their 80s and live in Florida in a senior community. When I visited them this past weekend, I made them a meal. As I pulled open a drawer, I saw a bag of marijuana along with wrapped Rice Krispie treats and brownies. There were also lighters and a small smoking piece in this drawer. My parents were in their living room as I was making food, but they clearly have no intent to hide this.

I am stunned. When I was caught smoking pot as a teenager, my father kicked me out of the house for two days! Seeing marijuana in their possession truly surprised me. I recall my father constantly giving me jabs and calling me a "loser pothead" when I was in college. I'm not quite sure what to make of my discovery.

I would love to call out my parents on being hypocrites, but don't want to hurt their feelings. I assume they use marijuana to ease body pain. I am not sure why they are using drugs, but I would like an apology for years of berating me for consuming a fraction of what they have now. -- Pot Calling Kettle, Orlando, Florida

DEAR POT CALLING KETTLE: Here's a perfect time for humor. Clearly, your parents have evolved since your childhood. They probably have marijuana for their ailments and use it medicinally. Note to you: They are using it for very different reasons than you were recreationally in your youth.

That said, you can bring it up, let your parents know what you found and even say, "Hey, now you know why I liked it so much!" Try to spark a laugh rather than reprimanding them or even asking for an apology. You can forgive them without it. Instead, get them to talk about their lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married for almost two years. Throughout our relationship, my husband has stressed how important his father is to him. Picking up on his cue, I go out of my way to speak to his father at family gatherings. Alone time with my father-in-law is, quite frankly, awkward and unpleasant. He makes it seem like I am never interesting enough for him, and has made a point to bring up ex-girlfriends.

I'm sick of trying to reach out to my father-in-law and have him like me. He is such a curmudgeon who clearly doesn't want to know me. I keep this from my husband because I know how fond he is of his father, but Iam at my wits' end. My husband recently suggested we all go on a hike together, and I think I am just too grumpy to continue on trying to please my father-in-law. Is it time for me to come clean to my husband? -- Not Daddy's Girl, Syracuse

DEAR NOT DADDY'S GIRL: Tell your husband how stressed you are about the way his father treats you. Ask for his support. Let him know you are ready to give up on building a relationship with his father because he is consistently disrespectful. Ask your husband to intervene.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always felt uneasy meeting with people alone. One-on-one meetings give me anxiety. I used to have a job where people understood this, but at my new job, I am not sure how to get this message across. One of my co-workers understands and comes to meetings to sit in with me. No one really understands my anxiety toward one-on-one meetings, and the more frustrated I get with myself, the more anxious I become.

I work at a communications firm and cannot get through a meeting with my boss without needing a break. If I get fired, I'm not sure if I could say I was discriminated against. I don't want to have to think so negatively, but my anxiety is truly impacting how I do my job. Should I mention to my boss that firing me could be seen as discrimination? -- Struggling on the Job, Philadelphia

DEAR STRUGGLING ON THE JOB: I recommend that you get psychological support. If you have insurance, find a psychologist who is covered by your plan. If you don't, look for affordable professionals in your area. The point is to get help to work through your anxiety. There is likely some underlying reason for your discomfort that you may be able to work through so that you can be released from your fear.

Rather than trying to fight with your boss about discrimination, tell him about your apprehension and ask for his patience as you work through it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After downsizing since our children moved out, my wife took it upon herself to develop her passion for interior design. I love my wife, and I love supporting her. However, she does not have the eye for design that she thinks she does. Our current home gives me the creeps. Everything is very dark, and the art is haunting. Our home has gone through minor redecorating in the past year, but my wife seems to be stuck in this haunted gothic theme.

I want to hire a new designer. I really don't like my home or feel comfortable inviting people over. I mentioned this a few weeks ago, and my wife was a bit offended. I can't continue to live in a haunted house. Should I have a designer come in and see what changes can be made? I feel like someone needs to talk some sense into my wife. -- Wanting Bright and Happy, Dallas

DEAR WANTING BRIGHT AND HAPPY: Do not hire another decorator just yet. Instead, have a direct conversation with your wife. Find out what's going on with her. The darkness is likely an indication of her state of mind. Perhaps she is sad because your children are gone, and this is a manifestation of her mourning. Get her to talk about what's going on with her. Offer to go to counseling together to work through whatever may be bothering her.

Also, let her know that the darkness in your home is making you uncomfortable, and you need to brighten up the house some. Ask her if you can work on it together. Find out if she is amenable to working with a designer to make some new touches.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don't know if I'm going in the right direction. I hate my job, but it pays the bills. It also allows me to live comfortably. I want a job that I love that allows me to live this way.

My boss is mean and insensitive to anyone else's issues or needs. He wants things done when and how he says to do them. The opinionated don't last long here, and it's time for me to leave, but I can't. I still have bills to pay and goals to meet. I just can't take his attitudes and negative energy anymore.

Should I leave? Or should I just stick it out and wait for the right time? I know it's not the smartest thing to do so suddenly, but I've reached my limit. I want a boss who is understanding and treats his or her workers as equals. In the meantime, I deserve a boss who's respectful and positive. -- Respect Trumps Money, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR RESPECT TRUMPS MONEY: Take a deep breath, and make a plan. Start looking for another job -- and do not quit until you find one. Remain positive and friendly. Follow your boss's directions, and remember that you work for him. You may not like his ways, but he is the boss. Always speak to your boss professionally, and make sure you have outside activities to balance your day. You cannot change him, but with patience and time, you can change your job.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently opened a business with my best friend. I came up with the service, and my friend provided the funds. Last weekend, he asked me on a date. Feeling as though our relationship shouldn't go past being business-related, I declined his offer. He immediately became irritated and upset. The whole ride back to the office, he said nothing.

Yesterday, I walked in to work to find that he left for Miami. His secretary informed me that he left to sign a deal bringing another owner in to our company. How dare he bring another owner in to this company without consulting me? It's my company! Yes, he provided the funding for the company, but the idea, the layout, etc. was all me.

Due to him not consulting me about a new owner, do I have the right to sue him? The company was my idea. I don't like the thought of someone else having the ability to change it. -- Mine, Denver

DEAR MINE: You need a lawyer -- and fast! Starting a business with a friend can be tricky. Yes, it works sometimes, but it can get messy, as you are experiencing. Consult an attorney and explain everything about the setup of your business. If you have not already set up legal parameters, try to do so now.

As far as the dynamics between the two of you, schedule a meeting with your "best friend." Tell him why you declined the date. Ask him what he is up to regarding the business structure. Suggest that you refresh your agreement so that your business does not suffer.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)