DEAR ABBY: I've been married six years, and just learned that my husband recently had an affair. The night he confessed, he called the other woman, allowing me to listen to their conversation, and told her it was over between them. She asked him to call again, but he said no, and I believe that was the end of it.

My problem is: How do I get over this? I asked him why he had the affair, and he insists that it was his fault; that I wasn't the problem. But I believe problems in a marriage are a two-way street. He says we just weren't talking enough and he thought I didn't love him anymore. I tell him every day, and always have, that I love him, so I think there's more.

He lets me wake him up at any time to cry, and he'll talk to me for hours. But I'm afraid he'll grow tired of my pain. I have a friend who helps me talk this out, but it's my husband I need to cry on and be held by. I don't want him to keep apologizing -- he's done that -- I just want comfort.

Do you think I'll drive him away again? Can a marriage survive an affair? I don't know any that have. -- I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART

DEAR LOVE HIM: Your husband said you did not drive him away; he drifted away on his own. Also, he is willing to hold you and let you cry, and talk to you for hours in the middle of the night. He sounds like a man who wants his wife and marriage back. Remind yourself of this when doubts arise. It will take time and effort from both of you. You must let go of the past, and he must earn your trust. Many marriages survive an affair.

I recently printed a letter from "Dave in Montana," who deeply regretted his recent affair with his much-younger secretary. It may be reassuring to read one of the responses to his letter:

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Dave in Montana," the married lover.

I went through three years of pain while my husband of 25 years carried on an affair. Finally he made the decision -- he wanted a divorce.

We were in the process of informing friends and family of our divorce when my husband did an about-face, claiming he must have been crazy and that he did not want a divorce after all!

I told him that in order to repair the devastation he had created, he would have to go to counseling, and if he still wanted to save our marriage and be a faithful husband, I too would seek counseling and decide if I felt the same way.

Well, it worked! We eventually had joint counseling and developed a closer, more loving relationship than we had before.

In the aftermath, he has suffered terribly from his guilt, and has had to deal with my pain and anger. I wasn't sure I could forgive him, but we both hung onto our commitment. The process was excruciatingly difficult, but it has paid untold dividends.

We have now been married 35 years and look forward to enjoying and loving one another for many, many more. -- MR. & MRS. COMMITTED

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DEAR ABBY: I don't recall having seen this problem addressed in your column.

You're visiting the home of a friend you haven't seen in several years. Just before you leave, she invites you to stay for dinner, but she doesn't tell you what she's serving. It would be rude to say, "It depends on what you're having."

A thoughtful host should say, "Mary, we're having liver for dinner tonight; would you care to join us?" Hating liver, Mary could graciously decline by saying, "Oh, thank you, but I have dinner waiting at home. May I have a rain check?"

This way everyone saves face. What do you think? -- GRACIOUS GUEST IN BOSTON

DEAR GRACIOUS GUEST: In the first place, if "just before you leave" the hostess invites you to stay for dinner, it means you stayed too long.

Mary should not lie and ask her friend for a rain check. Her friend may then assume that Mary likes liver and invite her another time for a liver dinner. Instead she should thank the hostess and say she's sorry, but she can't stay for dinner.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to address these comments to "Annoyed in New Mexico." This incident happened here in Atlanta, and it involves the use of the Spanish language.

My uncle and aunt -- both blue-eyed and blond -- were fresh from Panama. She's a public health nurse and he's in charge of mosquito control.

While they were attending a baseball game, two Spanish-speaking fans seated behind them gave a running discourse on everything that was wrong with the United States, Atlanta, the ball players and their acquaintances.

When the game was over, Aunt Erma and Uncle Ray stood up, turned to their criticizers and in fluent Spanish, suggested that if they didn't like the benefits our country had to offer, they should return to their point of origin.

My advice: Be careful whom you speak Spanish in front of. Sign me ... HABLO ESPANOL IN GEORGIA

DEAR HABLO: As one who speaks enough Spanish to make myself understood, may I add my two cents worth? Es verdad!

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about elevator etiquette. Why do people waiting for an elevator charge in before the passengers can exit?

They crowd in as if the elevator was the last one to heaven -- or wherever they expect their destination to be.

I recently tried to exit an elevator in a hospital as three teen-aged girls barged in and almost knocked me over. One remarked that I was at fault for being in her way.

Patience, good people. If you miss this car, there will be another one along in just a minute. -- J.B. ROBERTS, GADSDEN, ALA.

DEAR J.B.: We all have our ups and downs. You're right. Good manners and common sense dictate that one allows the occupants to exit before barging in.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have always been close to my aunt. She's my father's sister and is in her early 40s. She's perky, gregarious, charming and very pretty. She's single and insists that she is happy that way. I'm not convinced.

In the last two years, she has dated three men -- one was married, one engaged and one was recently divorced. Initially, all three seemed to genuinely care for her, but after a few weeks, they reunited with their former mates.

It would be one thing if Aunty could say, "Good riddance," and get on with her life, but this is not the case.

She visits the workplaces of their former mates, hoping for an opportunity to drop the bomb that the guys are philandering. She also calls and pages these men at work, then makes excuses to us why they never call her back. Abby, she even drives by their homes and businesses repeatedly.

I'm beginning to dread her visits, and the tales of her activities embarrass me. There is no reason for a woman with her looks and personality to get mixed up with attached men, and carry on like this when they no longer want to see her. When family members comment on her behavior, she gets defensive and angry, but nothing changes.

Abby, is there any way to get her out of this vicious cycle? I would like to see her settled and happy with one man instead of wasting her time on men who are not available. -- EMBARRASSED NIECE

DEAR NIECE: Aunty, with all her charm and beauty, may unconsciously not really want a permanent commitment. She needs to find out why she chooses only men who are not available. I recommend counseling for Aunty.

DEAR ABBY: Help! I have just returned from the walk from hell -- one of many. All because my neighbor talks nonstop about herself. She goes on and on about her past: how wonderful she is, how wonderful her son is. (She's certain he will be the mayor of this little town one day.)

She never asks anything about me or members of my family.

Abby, I try my best to be courteous and appear interested, but inside, I am ready to scream. If you have any suggestions short of running in the other direction when I see her, I will be very grateful.

I am signing my real name, but please don't use it because this is a small town, and I don't want to publicly embarrass her. -- BORED TO TEARS

DEAR BORED: Look at it this way. This pathetic woman desperately needs someone to listen to her. She has probably worn out her welcome with her other neighbors. It would be an act of charity to give her an audience, but in order to preserve your own sanity, let her talk for as long as you can tolerate it; then tell her you have things to do, give her a hug and say, "We'll talk again when I have more time."

DEAR ABBY: A relative of mine got a divorce after being married for 20 years. She has not remarried, but her ex-husband did.

He died a few months ago, and now my cousin is going around wearing black and calling herself a widow.

Abby, isn't she still a divorcee? -- CURIOUS IN CHICAGO

DEAR CURIOUS: Yes. Your cousin is a divorcee whose former husband is deceased. A man leaves only one widow -- the woman to whom he was married at the time of his death.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)