DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 18 years to a wonderful woman who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer a few years ago. We don't know how much time she has left, but she feels the cancer has robbed her of her "retirement." She is trying to persuade our family to move to Florida so she can enjoy some warm weather.

Abby, for many reasons I do not want to move. We have lived in the Midwest all our lives. My elderly parent would be all alone if we move, and I have a sibling who is also terminally ill.

I have had the same job for 25 years, and I don't want to give it up because I have the freedom to do much of my work from home, which allows me to help my wife and have income as well. If we move, there would be no guarantee that I could find a similar work situation that is so beneficial.

My wife says I'm being selfish because I'm unwilling to leave my job, family and friends to do as she wants. I understand her desire to live in a warmer climate, but I think she's the one who is being selfish. What do you think? -- WANTS TO STAY PUT

DEAR WANTS TO STAY PUT: I think the winter in the Midwest was brutal this year, and now the spring rains have arrived, which are also depressing. But in a short time the flowers will bloom and the warmth of summer and autumn will last for the next half-year.

Why not take a vacation (or leave) from your job for the next three or four weeks? If you telecommute, you could still get some work done and let your wife have her dose of sunshine. Surely someone can check on your parent and keep you informed about your sibling for that short time. I do not recommend moving anywhere permanently because there's no guarantee you'd find a job that compensates you as well as the one you have, and you may need the income.

DEAR ABBY: A tall, attractive man came into the insurance office where I work to buy an auto insurance policy. I haven't talked with men outside of my church in a long time, so I was nervous. I thought my heart would explode from beating so fast.

He will be coming back in a couple of weeks, and I'm afraid if I don't ask him out, I will regret it. I don't know how to approach him or ask a guy out at all. Help! -- NERVOUS OUT WEST

DEAR NERVOUS: The man may be married, so take it slow. If he comes in before noon, casually mention there's a restaurant not far away that serves good food and offer to show him. If he comes in later, use the old "want to grab a cup of coffee?" gambit. Either of these will give you a chance to talk with him and find out more about him without being overly obvious.

DEAR ABBY: When I was growing up, I was taught to love animals and I had several. For various reasons I never had to deal with making the decision to put one to sleep.

As I grew older, I realized we don't have the right to "own" living creatures, but we can take care of them. Eventually, my dog became ill and I had to make the choice to put him down. It was heartbreaking, and while I support my local animal shelter, I vowed to never again have another animal I would have to make that decision for.

Now my children are asking me to find a dog for them, and I'm at a loss about what to do. Do I first make them aware that the animal we love will die in some fashion, including that we may have to decide to put him to sleep? Or do I let them have an animal and let them deal with the heartbreak when the time comes? Thanks for your input. -- ANIMAL GUARDIAN IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ANIMAL GUARDIAN: If your children are young, let them enjoy having a pet to love without worrying about the fact that its life span may not be forever. If you do, they will learn about responsible pet ownership in good time, as well as the responsibility that comes when the pet becomes so old or sick that it can no longer enjoy life. While death is a part of life, I don't think that reality should be impressed upon your children now.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married soon, and I am not inviting one of my co-workers, "Darrell," who I know will be hurt. I have looked up to him as an uncle for a few years. We eat lunch together and share gossip, but my fiance and I decided not to invite him even though we are inviting other people from the office.

Darrell was recently arrested for supposedly raping his daughter. He went to court, but the daughter failed to appear, so the charges were dropped. Since then, even though I consider him a friend, I have seen him in a different light.

I know he could be innocent, but my fiance and I do not want him at our wedding around family and kids. I don't know how to tell him he won't be invited. What should I say or not say? -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN THE USA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: I can't think of a polite way to tell someone you're afraid your family members wouldn't be safe around him, and I don't think it will be necessary because Darrell is going to get the picture without anything being said.

It's regrettable that your co-worker didn't have his day in court because at the office it appears he has already been found guilty. It goes without saying that you have to find a luncheon partner and mentor besides Darrell, so be prepared.

DEAR READERS: A happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, and grandmothers who are raising grandchildren. Orchids to you, for the love you give every day. Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and I need help. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend, "Bailey," for six months and things are complicated. She's very insecure, and it's hard to keep her happy for any extended period of time.

I have thought about breaking up with her because I want her to be happy, and the same goes for me. But then I think I'd rather be miserable at times and happy at others and be with her, than end it and possibly feel worse.

Please give me some advice. I love Bailey and I don't know what to do. -- LOST IN ARIZONA

DEAR LOST: Have a talk with Bailey and tell her that although you love her, her insecurity and mood swings make it difficult. If you do, it may give her something to think about. The problem with insecurity is it can eventually drive a boyfriend -- or girlfriend -- away when it becomes smothering.

P.S. There is truth to the saying that you can't MAKE someone happy; happiness has to come from within.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are in our 40s and have been living together for several years. The house we live in is in his name only, and he pays the mortgage.

I own a townhouse I bought before I met him, and I make the payments on it. People often ask us why I don't sell it. I usually give some excuse, but the real reason is, when he drafted his will, he left everything to his mother -- at her insistence.

He seems to think it's too much trouble and expensive to change his will to include me. I want to be sure I have a place to live, so I have kept my townhouse.

Needless to say, our views on this situation differ. What's your opinion? -- HEDGING MY BETS IN TEXAS

DEAR HEDGING: I think you are behaving rationally, because it should be quite clear that your boyfriend wants his assets to go to his mother -- not you -- in the event of his death. I hope you have your townhouse rented and are saving the income, because you may need the money later. That way, if your boyfriend suddenly keels over or the romance sours, you won't be left with nothing but memories.

DEAR ABBY: My niece confided in me that she and her fiance eloped. Her parents are planning her wedding for next month. I tried to advise her to tell her parents, but she still hasn't. She's living at home and her "fiance" lives in a different city.

I don't pretend to understand why they felt like doing this. Should I just sit back while she continues to lie to her parents while they plan on her getting "married" in a month? I'm at a loss.

I wanted to give her a chance to come clean, but because she hasn't, do I intervene? Do I threaten that if she doesn't fess up, I'll spill the beans? Or should I just let her keep heading down the road she's on? -- ANXIOUS AUNT

DEAR ANXIOUS: What do you think you will accomplish by breaking your niece's confidence? If you divulge what she told you, she will never trust you again. I'll give you my advice in four words: Keep your mouth shut.